To insist we review all outgoings before cutting cleaner’s hours?

[Rainallnight]

We are very fortunate to be comfortably off and I realise this whole post is a first world problem.

Our cleaner comes twice a week. DP and I agreed this when I returned to work after DC, on the grounds that she simply doesn’t see stuff that needs to be done and it would fall automatically to me.

DP works full time, is the higher earner. I work slightly less than full time and am with DC when not in work.

Our outgoings are too high, and DP wants to reduce the cleaner to once a week.

I think the cleaner looks like the ‘easy’ thing to cut whereas there are hidden costs that could equally be reduced. For example, DP is supposed to be in charge of dinners (planning them if not actually making them) and the planning and shopping is often bad, which means we end up with a lot of expensive M&S convenience food, and Deliveroo.

That’s just an example to show what I mean.

I’m worried that cutting the cleaner will add more drudgery to my life, and want us to do a proper review of outgoing first.

AIBU?

DP is very dogmatic about things and finds it difficult to have a reasonable conversation about stuff like this so it would be good for my thought process to hear others’ points of view.

Could you take on the planning and cooking of meals to reduce outgoings there and then ask DP to do the extra clean if you were to reduce your cleaners hours.
would it be also worth signing up with one of those meal kit subscriptions like hello fresh?

No... You need to have takeout once a fortnight and menu plan with a proper weekly shop. I spent £65 this week in the supermarket for my weekly shop which wouldn't go far on takeouts etc. It's amazing how many meals you can get from one large chicken or the half price joints of meat on offer at the moment.

I suspect the cost of the cleaner is very little compared to the money "wasted" on ready meals and takeout.

it would help if you could plan meals better. We were doing Deliveroo a lot at one point and it cost a fortune. We cut it out apart from once in a blue moon and we have saved so much money.

I totally get that, but I do most of the rest of the planning and general housework. I do all laundry, for example

Duur - so that is why it would make sense to review who does what.

I would sit down together and go through you outgoings, silly things like phone contracts, can you buy your phone's and get a cheap contract, Tesco and Gif Gaff both do them for under a £10. Do you want to take over the online delivery shop, so that meal planning and shopping to hand in hand. Do you both use things you have monthly contracts on Gym, Sky, Netflix, Disney + is there an evening you are both busy that you can't cook, make sure you have something there ready, either in the slow cooker prepped the night before and switched on in the morning before you leave or something like a pizza that can be cooked from frozen in under 15 mins and eaten with a salad. You have got to take a little control over something's to get what you want in the long run, i.e the cleaner twice a week.

Absolutely review the spending on paper and then present it to here so she can see what is going where.

If she persists in being dogmatic then I would pay the cleaner for a holiday one day a week for a fortnight (I understand it sounds insane to pay for something you’re not getting) and then see if your partner keeps on top of the chores - if they don’t as you anticipate then you’ve not lost your in demand cleaner and have also proved how vital they are.

It sounds like a convo about work load in and out of house perhaps needs to be had and it might not all be about the cleaners costs?

I voted YANBU because it needs to be a conversation.
however, IMO the meal planning, shopping and cooking is massive - much bigger than any other job. Personally I like home cooked food so I’d much rather spend 2 hours cooking than cleaning. So I’d opt to save money on takeaways and keep the cleaner (we have one once a week - twice would be amazing!). But some people prefer eating takeaway to home cooked food and if that’s your DP then you need to align expectations on what works for both of you.

I am pretty rubbish at domestic chores, I am good with laundry and a hoover, but that's about it. We have a weekly meal plan to avoid food waste and it works pretty efficiently, fridge usually pretty much empty by Friday night for a fresh shop on a Saturday morning. I know it takes away the spontaneity but on a weekend can you not jointly meal plan for the week and get her to shop/online order for the entire week, so you are both on the same page and you have all the necessary ingredients in the house. Also love our rice cooker, wash rice add right ratio of water to rice and without fail perfect rice approx 20 mins later. Perfect accompaniment for chilli and curry and other things bulk cooked and being reheated from frozen.

How many hours does your cleaner do? Twice a week does seem excessive but without all the info it’s hard to say.

Did she used to be married to my friend? If so she is a control freak and YANBU......

@ohdamnitjanet

yes, but it's not up to the OP to run the cleaners business. She's not compelled to keep the cleaner on if her finances don't allow for it.

Good cleaners are in high demand everywhere, I'm sure the OP's hours would be easily made up for.

@Rainallnight

your partner needs to be on board with checking all your outgoings & see where you can cut back. As you say, cutting back on the cleaner is 'easy'. I think you need to fix the food/takeaway budget first! The money that's been overspent there would likely cover the cleaners second day, so screw that.

Definitely look at the cost of food first, as that is an expensive way to buy food. Ready meals are expensive and takeaway. I would do that before cleaner.

I wluld have words to the effect of for hubby
...
"You might earn more money but you are only able to do this because I take on the majority of the household chores. You are equally responsible for this , yet you feel money trumps time and makes your time more 'worthy" than mine....how? Did you somehow forget that if one day I was not here all these tasks would fall to you whether you worked or not? So no, hubby of mine ...you can learn to plan , budget and not spend stupid amounts on overpriced food from m& s & deliveroo or you can do half the housework , and actually do it, or i won't be. I am not a get out of jail free card. I am your equal. So i very much doubt given past experience you will actually do even half of what is needed to run a household well. So we shall review the budget , and you have 2 choices in my eyes 1. Spend less and plan better (e.g. do online shopping by consultation with me & the cupboards...at somewhere cheaper) food so we aren't overspending 2. Do it all yourself .
I think 2 is a better idea!
Or similar.

How can you possibl
y judge how much time it takes to clean a flat/house without actually knowing a bit about size, contents etc,