To insist we review all outgoings before cutting cleaner’s hours?

[Rainallnight]

We are very fortunate to be comfortably off and I realise this whole post is a first world problem.

Our cleaner comes twice a week. DP and I agreed this when I returned to work after DC, on the grounds that she simply doesn’t see stuff that needs to be done and it would fall automatically to me.

DP works full time, is the higher earner. I work slightly less than full time and am with DC when not in work.

Our outgoings are too high, and DP wants to reduce the cleaner to once a week.

I think the cleaner looks like the ‘easy’ thing to cut whereas there are hidden costs that could equally be reduced. For example, DP is supposed to be in charge of dinners (planning them if not actually making them) and the planning and shopping is often bad, which means we end up with a lot of expensive M&S convenience food, and Deliveroo.

That’s just an example to show what I mean.

I’m worried that cutting the cleaner will add more drudgery to my life, and want us to do a proper review of outgoing first.

AIBU?

DP is very dogmatic about things and finds it difficult to have a reasonable conversation about stuff like this so it would be good for my thought process to hear others’ points of view.

If you need to cut spending, you really need to look at everything, not just what seems obvious.

We need to cut costs at the moment. The obvious one would be £105/month for health insurance, but honestly, I would rather make cuts elsewhere if possible.

Look at hello fresh ASAP

How many hours does she come and what is her rate?

It's very reasonable to look at the budget and expenses and have a discussion about where to cut back. It shouldn't be unilateral decision, both partners should agree.

Keep the cleaner, meal plan, get a slow cooker and batch cook.

How small is your house that you only need to clean it once a week? Before DC, I spent two hours minimum every day on housework. I now only have the chance to do about 30 minutes a day plus a few hours over the weekend. My house is never clean or tidy. If I could have a cleaner four times a week, I would!

Hello fresh, Gousto or mindful chef… we have HF delivered on Monday, 4 meals and then work the others out. The meals are portion controlled and helps with diet and has saved us a small fortune in take away, M&S and waste costs. The removal of planning stress has also been fab.

I would look at food planning so you make less profit for deliveroo and markies. We have a cleaner twice a week and it's something I wouldn't give up lightly. Once a week was fine but with dogs I needed to clean mid week too and at busy times with work/family it just didn't happen.

Fairest way is to do a full budget review of outgoings

Yes, review all areas of expenditure before you make any decisions. Make a list of other areas that you can cut back on (hair, makeup, clothes, petrol, heating, holidays, food, hobbies, toys, house stuff, gardening stuff, car washes, insurance, TV subscriptions, Starbucks, eating out, theatre tickets, music, gym memberships, birthday parties, sweets, alcohol, gadgets, phone contracts, everything!)

How much is the cleaner and how much would you need to cut from elsewhere to keep her coming twice a week?

How old are your kids? Are they able to take on any cleaning tasks (perhaps in exchange for pocket money?)

Sorry you have a cleaner and your husband does the cooking, why is most of the drudgery that you are actually doing? Shopping in M&S and having a cleaner are definitely 2 outgoings that would be getting cut if it was me. If you’re struggling for money you need to step up and do more if your husband is the high earner and works more than you do.

I would give up streaming services, takeaways and live on baked beans if it meant I could keep the cleaner. YANBU

YANBU at all OP

Ours is significantly bigger than the national average and we’re still one full clean a week. You must be spectacularly grubby if you need to clean for two hours a day to maintain a clean home.

YNBU from the way you've described your partner's contribution, or lack thereof. I would question why you need a cleaner doing a full clean more than once a week though. Unless they are more of a general housekeeper than cleaner?

I must have very different standards to you. And other things I'd prefer to do with my time.

I think it sounds like you need to review the budget overall, as well as the division of labour. I don't know how many hours your cleaner comes for at a time, but yes, a deliveroo or two would likely cover the cleaner's costs. It sounds like there's an unfair division of labour though.

I would add on the meal planning - effective meal planning and an online shop saves a heck of a lot of time. I think we have ours fairly down pat. There are some repetitions - Monday night is always a (naice) supermarket pizza and salad, but for week nights we need it to be quick and easy as well as tasty (and hopefully not too unhealthy). So particularly for days we know will be longer, eg we're in town in the office or whatever, it's extra easy like a Charlie Bighams ready meal or something else which just goes in the oven and some frozen vegetables. Not the healthiest but not terrible, and we can make up for it with home cooked or more adventurous at the weekend.

No, fuck that! I would shop in Lidl before I reduced my cleaner's hours.

Could you maybe trial cutting other things first for, say, a month? If that doesn't work then cut the cleaners hours.

How many hours does cleaner do? For example if it’s 2 x 4 hours that does seem excessive as presumably they don’t change beds and properly clean bathrooms twice a week so maybe change it to once a week 4 hours for full clean and once a week 2 hours to hoover, make beds quick wipe Down in kitchen and bathrooms? Along with a rule like only one Deliveroo a week should make a big of a saving

It is a good thing to go through your expenses at intervals anyway, especially if you don't track them daily as a routine.
I recently did this and even went through it with my 13yo as a 'this is what ruining a house looks like' exercise. 🤣
However, I think it is a daunting task to many as it's lots of detail to collect from scratch. So I find it easier to just do it on my own as I'm ok with that kind of task.
So when I did it I got the info together (combed through the last 12 months in detail) laid it all out clearly (non optional spends and discretionary spends - monthly weekly daily etc), and then it was easy to just quickly sit down together and see a glance see what's what.
Assuming you share the common goal of wanting things to be in balance your efforts should be welcomed.
Don't present it like an ambush, no 'a-ha see the cost of these meals'.
But mutual recognition that catering (or whatever) is overspending and maybe it's time to review habits/system wouldn't be a bad thing.

You could list the top five optional expenses and then agree hit list of which should be cut first.
That's assuming you have access to all finances info... I do so it was simple for me.

It sounds like your DP needs a housekeeper as much as a cleaner, one who will budget the weekly grocery shop on top of cleaning and generally keeping house.

I'd be looking at everything and working out where the biggest expenses are that can be cut before removing one thing that really helps. I also understand a cleaner twice a week. If they're highly sought after and they're doing all your cleaning, splitting it over 2 days is reasonable rather than spending 4-5 hours in one home.

If you have children, they need to get on board with tidying up too. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep a nice home.

Cleaner twice a week is excessive no house of a normal size needs that. There might be other things to cut as well but how do you justify spending that much however much you earn?

I think a cleaner twice a week is excessive. But then if that is what is important to you then it wouldn't hurt to make cuts elsewhere. To save me time and money I do my weekly shop online click and collect and arrange it around my schedule. Try to have a rough plans for meals each day but doesn't always work depending on work etc. But click and collect or delivery might work for you, could sit down and plan meals together and then do it online together

I tapped Yabu by mistake. You are not being unreasonable!