To insist we review all outgoings before cutting cleaner’s hours?

[Rainallnight]

We are very fortunate to be comfortably off and I realise this whole post is a first world problem.

Our cleaner comes twice a week. DP and I agreed this when I returned to work after DC, on the grounds that she simply doesn’t see stuff that needs to be done and it would fall automatically to me.

DP works full time, is the higher earner. I work slightly less than full time and am with DC when not in work.

Our outgoings are too high, and DP wants to reduce the cleaner to once a week.

I think the cleaner looks like the ‘easy’ thing to cut whereas there are hidden costs that could equally be reduced. For example, DP is supposed to be in charge of dinners (planning them if not actually making them) and the planning and shopping is often bad, which means we end up with a lot of expensive M&S convenience food, and Deliveroo.

That’s just an example to show what I mean.

I’m worried that cutting the cleaner will add more drudgery to my life, and want us to do a proper review of outgoing first.

AIBU?

DP is very dogmatic about things and finds it difficult to have a reasonable conversation about stuff like this so it would be good for my thought process to hear others’ points of view.

I have a cleaner once a week, but two is something I would like to be able to afford. If I needed to address my outgoings she would be well down the list of things I was willing to cut/compromise on. That money per week buys me untold amount of physical and mental time and energy (and internalised fury) and she worth every penny.

YANBU.

I would try to cut out as many over expenditures as possible.
Yes, I would review all household expenses.
I would consider cutting back the cleaner hours but also cut back on other things so as to have a cleaner fund put aside to deep clean etc every now and again if need be.
Deliveroo is splurging - okay for sometimes (like fast food) - and fresh food is better for you as a default.
Do you have a freezer?

Can you store frozen vegetables or home cooked meals?

Gosh - having a cleaner twice a week is quite a luxury (I work FT and have one once a fortnight for 2 hours) Can you think about reducing it to once a week?

Literally what the post is about... 😂

Got a good friend who is a couples counsellor- she tells them to get a cleaner if they don’t already! It’s cheaper than counselling…
Domestic chores, mental load and respect for each others time apparently is very often at the heart of a couples issues - particularly when they have kids…

But it sounds like OP does next to nothing domestically as well. They have a cleaner twice a week, the DP takes care of all the meal stuff and the OP does the laundry. What else is there, realistically? Given that the OP works fewer hours, I'd have thought that the meal planning and shopping could at least be shared? Or else they could swap, and the OP could take over responsibility for the meals while her DP deals with the laundry, which is typically less onerous?

But it sounds like OP does next to nothing domestically as well. They have a cleaner twice a week, the DP takes care of all the meal stuff and the OP does the laundry. What else is there, realistically?

Tidying (cleaners don't tidy)
Dishes, Wiping down surfaces, cleaning the loo, vacuuming, sweeping (all of which still need doing between Cleaner visits)
Garden jobs (grass, weeding etc)
Car jobs (mot, tax, fuel)
Bins (inside and outside)
Sorting out old stuff / tip runs / charity shop runs
Fixing things around the house, new bubs and batteries, painting etc
Less frequent jobs - flipping the mattress, booking window cleaner, sorting the loft etc)

Laundry isn't a small job - most families will have a load per day that then all needs drying, possibly ironing and the putting away

Tbh if all I had to do was the food shop/cook the evening meal, I'd be fucking delighted. All the pots washed and away ready for me to use? All my clothes there ready to be worn? A day less paid childcare because they sort thay day? My car sorted, my garden neat, my evenings free aside from snuggling my child and making the dinner?

Really? I think planning meals, shopping and cooking take up far more time than the other stuff that you've listed - some of them are only very occasional jobs and others take 2-3 mins max. I would gladly hand over responsibility for the meals and deal with the other stuff. Gardening stuff could take a while, I grant you, but we don't even know if the OP has a garden or how they manage it.

Personally, I wouldn't bother vacuuming, sweeping and cleaning etc between cleaner visits as I think twice a week is plenty personally. Quick wipe of surfaces every night takes, what, 5 mins? And don't most people have dishwashers these days? Putting out bins is what, 5 mins once or twice a week?

Laundry is the biggest thing out of that list, but it really doesn't take that long if you stay on top of it? Then again, I don't really waste time ironing stuff, I just buy clothes that don't really crease!

Definitely stop the deliveroos! That can pay for a cleaner.

I don’t know how you are going to manage it. Someone has to do all the careful thinking in order not to overspend. But I’d rather have a cleaner than convenience food myself so that’s what I’d insist on.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves but the wife isn’t meal planning and shopping is she. She’s grabbing M&S fast food meals or
Deliveroo that’s not meal planning shopping and prepping. That’s oh shit I forgot to get dinner sling this in the microwave/oven or just order on the app.

If she was working full time and doing full on house shops and meal prepping then by all meals that’s a bit of metal and actual work but what she’s doing is what my husband does when I ask him to cook a meal and he cnba.

No, I agree, it isn't taking much time at the moment but the OP wants it done properly which will take a lot more time. This is why I suggested that the OP take it over if savings have to be made and she doesn't want to reduce the cleaner visits. The DP could potentially take over responsibility for something a bit less onerous in exchange, like the laundry.

As I see it, the one with the more demanding job seems to be responsible for the domestic work that - for me, at least - is by far the most onerous. At the moment, she is cutting corners so it doesn't involve that much work, but the OP is suggesting that her DP should approach this differently - ie take on more work in this area - in order to cut costs. The DP is suggesting that the OP takes on more work instead by reducing the cleaner's hours. Obviously, they need to negotiate what is fair between them, and ideally, both of them should take on a bit more in order to be fair.

Maybe people who love cooking might feel differently, but for me, the mental load of having to plan meals, shop for them and cook them is far more taxing than having to keep on top of the laundry/keep a house tidy with a twice weekly cleaner in place. Maybe that just reflects my own dislike for meal planning, shopping and cooking, but I certainly know which jobs I would opt out of if I could!

You could

batch cook and freeze
hello fresh or any other meal box
write cleaner a list

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints I agree with you there re why should they clear up after a fully functioning adult, that’s not on!

My DM martyred herself because I don’t think she could afford a cleaner and she was quite generational in clearing up after my stepdad and letting him do manly stuff like DIY and bins! I don’t see her refusing the help of a dishwasher is a thing to be proud of, I’m staggered as to why she refused this help! I only found out years later when we were early/mid teenagers and DM bought her own dishwasher that she told us about her DM’s offer and we were all (stepdad included) aghast as to why she refused her DM’s offer. My DM was quite proud in not accepting her DM’s money and help (her DM, my nana was wealthy) and some things she refused to spend money on, god knows why but she did pay off her mortgage single handedly in her early to mid 40s which is some achievement.

I work full time - mostly from home, have 2 kids, 2 cats and a dog, id definitely try and cut the food bill to keep a cleaner 😂

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I absolutely agree with you. I think that you are being perfectly reasonable. Especially with what you said here:

As I see it, the one with the more demanding job seems to be responsible for the domestic work that - for me, at least - is by far the most onerous. At the moment, she is cutting corners so it doesn't involve that much work, but the OP is suggesting that her DP should approach this differently - ie take on more work in this area - in order to cut costs. The DP is suggesting that the OP takes on more work instead by reducing the cleaner's hours. Obviously, they need to negotiate what is fair between them, and ideally, both of them should take on a bit more in order to be fair.

We had a similar issue with our outgoing costs.
What I found worked for us was over a month we tallied up all outgoings this included everything from mortgage payments to coffee on the go to a chocolate bar. I’m not going to lie it was a nightmare keeping receipts etc.
We were both shocked at how much we were spending on snacks, top up shops (convenience stores), take aways etc.
From there we then decided meal planning together (what he can cook and what I’ll cook varies greatly) and do an online shop once weekly. This includes ready meals and or frozen food, plus snacks etc. We have a take away once a week with the occasional extra. If we need a top up shop we now go to a supermarket over a local store and take our coffee with us from home rather than a Starbucks or Costa drive through.

We managed to cut back nearly £600 every month. This now goes to savings for holidays etc.

My DH sounds a bit like your DP but when he seen what we saving he was a bit more on board. Now instead of take aways he’ll stick a ready meal in the microwave or oven. If I’m cooking from scratch I make extra to freeze that can then easily be reheated.

yeah we have to be a bit more organised with lunches etc but overall the outcome has been positive. We do still have the occasional extra take away or bought lunch.

would something like this work for you guys? It’s just the basic everyday things but very quickly adds up. Obviously some months we save a bit less some months slightly more but overall been a great way to save but also open both our eyes to where our money is going. It also made us realise what was more important to us as a couple which was extra money for breaks away. Plus we didn’t have to cut back on what was making our lives easier or more enjoyable.

Sounds like you need a new cleaner that is proactive. If she comes twice a week, she does half the house throughly one day and the other half the next. How big is your house that she needs to come twice a week. Genuine question.

So why have a cleaner if you do general housework and laundry?

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I think a lot depends on your standards and preferences.

We have a cleaner and don't clean between her visits (except for surface wiping and sweeping)

I would love it if meal planning and cooking was my only chore, I would 100% think I had got the best of the bargain.

Laundry - the putting away in particular - takes bloody ages and I hate chores that are less routiney like gardening and admin like topping up the tax-free childcare acc etc

I clicked the wrong button 😣
YANBU

What does the cleaner actually do OP that means you need her twice a week? I feel like if my cleaner came twice a week then she would just end up cleaning the same things that don’t really need doing again but perhaps you have a massive house (or are really filthy 😅)

I’m guessing if they are always out it’s a good clean like all the skirting boards and a proper scrub of the toilet and such.

I used to as a child if sick off school
help a family member go to cleaning jobs and some of the houses though it was like they didn’t touch anything at all inbetween cleans. So they had to tidy before the cleaning could even start and these where big houses expecting full on cleans on the inside of the fridge / oven and everything every week. But wouldn’t even put a bowl of cereal in their own sinks.

I haven't read all the posts yet, so this may have already been said...
Whenever costs start to exceed income I do a cost summary of everything we spend, over 3, 6 or 12 months, depending on how much time I have (or how much we need to cut back). From that it is easier to see where money could be saved, rather than just picking an "easy" target.
Certain costs may stand out, that you don't necessarily expect, and can then potentially be reduced.
I don't think you would be unreasonable to suggest looking into alternatives for savings.

I don't see why the OP should be questioned as to why she has a cleaner 2 days a week. She obviously feels she needs it.

If unnecessary and extravagant amounts of money are spent on take aways and expensive ready meals, I think this is where cuts could be made.

Also, I don't know how long you have had the cleaner and how much you value her but I would be thinking about the effect on her as well, especially at these very difficult times.

Poor cleaner
presumably he/she cleans because the money is needed?
so by dropping his/ her hours their family will have less income they may need to drop you and get a new job with more money xx