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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Bridezilla best friend

448 replies

Poshpaddington · 05/12/2023 13:36

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

OP posts:
Greenpolkadot · 06/12/2023 18:29

She's a bully.
What do you mean ,,she made you pay £400...?
She can't make you do anything..

FarmGirl78 · 06/12/2023 18:43

JoyeuxNarwhal · 06/12/2023 18:26

@Poshpaddington I think that's one of the best updates I've seen on Mumsnet! Bloody well done you. Please continue to stick up for yourself!

And I'm wondering, is this her second marriage? Any chance she's actually @FarmGirl78's (hopefully very much ex) friend?! Shock

Thanks to those who have mentioned me. This definitely won't be her wedding. I just know.

We'd been really close, I'd spent Christmas with her on many occasions and her family were like surrogate family to me. I just put her behaviour down to stress and bridezilla-ness which I know happens, which wasn't an excuse, but I was willing to forgive it as I knew how much she wanted 'her day'. After the wedding I had a proper rant to a mutual friend who blabbed to her. I think she just had her "I'm a wife now" head on, and her husband didn't like me so our friendship never recovered.

I'm very sad our friendship didn't recover and miss her still to this day, but we're different people now so I'm missing our history I guess and not who she is now. We nod and smile if I pass her on the supermarket. I'm annoyed at myself I hurt her, but much much more annoyed at myself I didn't drop out of the wedding.

fulawitt · 06/12/2023 19:13

Well done OP, She is madly jealous of you. Do not stoop to her level. It's war now. But she has not seen this side of you, has she ? All the best OP.

Redfin17 · 06/12/2023 19:15

Well done you! Even her response is telling - why wouldnt she return the dress if shw bought it and it's not been altered? She is leaving it to get to you. Honestly not sure why anyone is marrying someone who behaves like this (unless fiance doesn't know!). Either way it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen that you are best off well away from!!!

Abbiie · 06/12/2023 19:28

She's basically a narcissist and you need to RUN!! She clearly has no respect for you and you need to set clear boundaries and tell her NO. Which will never work with someone like that. What are YOU getting from that friendship? Don't feel bad for putting yourself first

Mugaloaf · 06/12/2023 19:56

Good for you OP!

She sounds dreadful! Sometimes people do things that sound totally unbelievable to those that haven't experienced it.

I'm happy for you that you have removed yourself from this terrible relationship. ❤️

Freckleskatarina · 06/12/2023 20:01

Imagine the advice you would give to a real friend who was subjected to this...

Walk away

Run!

This woman is selfish and mean.

Stop being a people pleaser..

Give your energy to others who deserve it and genuinely care for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this, sounds horrible

Mrssnee16 · 06/12/2023 20:02

I'd be leaving the friendship before the wedding never mind afterwards, and I would be demanding refunds on everything already paid.

Undecided45 · 06/12/2023 20:11

This!!

I voted YABU simply because you are not being reasonable by even considering attending. Don't go. Cut the friendship off now, block her and move forward x

Undecided45 · 06/12/2023 20:14

Undecided45 · 06/12/2023 20:11

This!!

I voted YABU simply because you are not being reasonable by even considering attending. Don't go. Cut the friendship off now, block her and move forward x

Ah, forgot to quote, but doesn't matter, just read the update. Bravo 👏

UncleHerbie · 06/12/2023 20:25

Excellent update, OP! I bet bitchzilla is spitting bullets. I’d love to be a fly on that wall. Well done on rediscovering your backbone

LimeAnkles · 06/12/2023 20:27

Cancel your room and cancel her!

You owe her nothing at all.
I wouldn't go to the wedding and I wouldn't even tell her.

Block her now on every means of contact she has with you and everyone else that is a link between the two of you. Her family & her friends.

Radio silence from now on. It might seem rude, but given how she bullies and humiliates you, it's nothing more than she deserves.

Please do not go to that wedding.

Tilllly · 06/12/2023 20:55

How do you feel tonight @Poshpaddington?

Your DP must be so proud of you too

Mummyofanonly · 06/12/2023 20:56

Not read all the posts but blimey, thought I had friends who sometimes displayed shitty behaviour 😅Well done OP, please tell me there's somebody you know who can tell you how the wedding went- I feel we need an update!
On a serious note though, you've done very well in doing this before the wedding. There's no point trying to explain to anybody why as those kind of people will never see it as it is. You can't reason with the unreasonable.

Bobsyouraunty · 06/12/2023 21:23

Big well done to you op. We rarely get updates like this from posters. Very glad to hear you sticking up for yourself and blocking them. If you’d attended the wedding and been her slave you would’ve been kicking yourself years down the line! She was purely using you as a skivvy and had no respect for you

Jojofjo44 · 06/12/2023 21:32

Well done OP better late than never in discarding an abusive relationship, which is what you were in. As others have asked, what about the hotel room? What's happening with that @Poshpaddington ?

Buzzybug · 06/12/2023 23:12

Don't go
Don't feel bad about it
Decline and move on
Tell her you won a trip to Mauritius 😜
She clearly has a lot of issues that she is projecting onto you and they are not your problem...

TheFormidableMrsC · 06/12/2023 23:13

Buzzybug · 06/12/2023 23:12

Don't go
Don't feel bad about it
Decline and move on
Tell her you won a trip to Mauritius 😜
She clearly has a lot of issues that she is projecting onto you and they are not your problem...

Read the update.

Kaz40s · 07/12/2023 00:04

Delighted for you OP. Really pleased you backed yourself, you are worth more than that treatment from anyone never mind a 'friend'. Ignore her now, she'll hate it that you stood up against her so expect more backlash to come, but know you did the right thing 🙂

Buzzybug · 07/12/2023 01:16

Buzzybug · 06/12/2023 23:12

Don't go
Don't feel bad about it
Decline and move on
Tell her you won a trip to Mauritius 😜
She clearly has a lot of issues that she is projecting onto you and they are not your problem...

Just read the update! Best ending ever!

NotEvenThought · 07/12/2023 01:44

There are some gullible people about.

Fraaahnces · 07/12/2023 05:20

@Poshpaddington Just one more piece of advice. I’m hoping you can cancel the £300 you paid for the hotel and get a refund. I’d call them and find out.

Fraaahnces · 07/12/2023 05:21

(The hotel, not the bride - just let her have a lovely surprise when she checks in)

IShouldNotBeSurprised · 07/12/2023 06:43

I know it's just speculation, but I wonder if the hotel room for the wedding night was so that OP could keep the baby for her...

The rest of it is just jaw-dropping, any one of those things is terrible for OP, but en masse is absolute craziness.

ObsidianGrape · 07/12/2023 07:06

Well done op.

From reading what you said in the op, I feel like your supposed bf kinda hates you! Also the reaction of her other bridesmaids at the hen do makes me think that she's been bad mouthing you to them for them to basically snub you. So don't feel bad, they way she acted to you was more like an enemy, not a true friend, so you haven't lost anything. She definitely wanted you to look stupid at her wedding in your oversized dress and sash around your neck! You have definitely dodged a bullet here. Don't engage with her at all if she tries again.

Any update? Did you get a refund on the hotel? Will you drop the dress back off?

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