Bridezilla best friend

[Poshpaddington]

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

Well done! What an inspiring update.

Exactly. She lies about you.

She probably told them something like:
You're a recovering alcoholic which is why you insisted on the sash, but you decided to drink at the hen.

When you say something about your husband not being there. 'You're having marital problems'.

She'll say she paid for your room.

You are refusing to wear the correct shoes. You want red when everyone else is in black.

You insisted in having the dress in size zero. It wouldn't fit but you insisted it would by the time of the wedding. In a panic she ordered another one but they only had size 16 left.

Well done op, there's nothing braver than standing up to friends who are mistreating you - be proud!

Congratulations OP! You are now free of that millstone around your neck.
Be proud of what you did and do not back down.

That said, am I the only one who would love to see this "dress". My imagination is in overdrive and would love to put it into neutral.

Fab - now have you organised the refund on your room?

Fab update, well done.

Great update!

I fell out with and ended the friendship with my best friend from when I was 5, when I was 24. She wasn’t all bad but treated me really badly sometimes and admitted she was jealous because I was young and childfree whereas she’d had kids at 18, and no job. Our friendship sort of restarted in my mid to late 30s (initiated by her) but it was never the same again! She turned up one Christmas when I wax staying at my parents house and I answered the door as parents out, expected me to be all nice!

Anyway at 24 I made some lovely new friends including one best one and I had a great time!

These other “friends” of yours OP (the other bridesmaids) are so not worth it, cut from same cloth as bridezilla too! You can definitely get new friends!

Came back to see if any update as couldn't believe what I was reading yesterday! Well done OP, you have done the right thing, however unpleasant things get, you know it.

Wow @Poshpaddington I really didn’t expect such an amazing update as you have been conditioned to bow down to her for so long. You ripped the plaster off big time! Stay strong, keep them blocked. She will create drama for five minutes until she finds a new person to terrorise.

Well done 💪🏻

Who had paid for the dress she returned?

I'm imagining that she had a baby shower. I wonder what op had to put up with there.

I'm so glad this thread has given you the clarity and confidence you needed, OP.

You don't need this woman in your life. Onwards and upwards!

A sash with no alcohol on it? Absolutely where I’d be walking away. She’s totally unreasonable. I’d be walking away as this person is walking all over you. Let someone else be her servant on the day.

edit - seen your update, well done you!!

Congratulations op. Well done!

Well done @Poshpaddington! Don't forget to cancel that room! They can pay for their own. What a nasty bitch she is. I hope her wedding is shit and you have an amazing Christmas!

None of this is acceptable, especially the allergy stuff, that’s literally putting your life at risk. The alcohol sash thing is basically going to be implying to the whole world you’re an alcoholic and treating you like you can’t control yourself. The shoe stuff is just silly - my best friend bought the stuff off the rack but it was provided for us without us having to pay (she had a lovely “homemade” low-cost wedding and was SO relaxed about it). And I’m not even going to start on expecting you to co-sleep with the baby.
If they’re treating you like you’re not wanted, you don’t need to feel needed. You don’t owe your friend anything, even if you’re grateful for some past kindness I think you’ve more than paid your dues over this wedding. Every time I read about bridezillas I wonder who told them they had a god-given right to enjoy a “perfect” day. It’s also really unhealthy to pin all your hopes on being “treated like a princess” and acting like a dictator for a single day, when marriage and weddings are about having a happy life together and celebrating your commitment with your friends and family.

Well done OP. Her reaction speaks volumes. You definitely did the right thing.

Well done Op. I hope you've cancelled that hotel room too.

I'm sorry but you had me at "constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc."

That's not caring; that's stalking. Hella controlling and not OK.

And then I got to the bit about the No Alcohol sash. Is this for real? Are you doing satire??

This woman is NOT your friend, she is your abuser. She doesn't see you as a fully realised human being, but as a pawn she can move about at will. Please:

1. Drop out the wedding
2. Drop out the friendship
3. Use the time and money saved to see a GOOD psychotherapist specialising in codependency to help you recognise and move past your tendency to get stuck in an abusive friendship

Fucking hell it was the sash thing that finished me off tbh.What an absolute lunatic.If you do go I hope you take your own dress and wear a badge saying vodka please

Just seen your update.Well done you😊

I also received multiple texts giving me abuse from here and some of the bridesmaids

Abuse from here?? As in the other BMs have seen this thread? Well if they are on here then good, they will see how 100% of people view her rude, arrogant behaviour.

Tbh, they are probably just scared now as you were the muppet she targeted - now THEY are in the firing line as you are out

@BoredofBlonde probably a typo - from her rather than here. I’m wondering which of the other bridesmaids will now get the no alcohol sash and to sleep with the bride and her baby…

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