Bridezilla best friend

[Poshpaddington]

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

I checked YABU, because, if this is indeed real, she is unreasonable to value herself so little that she would let anyone treat her this way. I doubt this is a one-off and more likely how the OP has been treated for the past 25 years.

Actually, I am hoping this is not real, because if it is, I think the OP has spent 25 years being this person's emotional and verbal punching bag. Hopefully, not a physical one as well. My educated guess is that this "friend" has made OP feel "blessed" to have her as a BF and has made her pay a dear price for that "honor".

Cool story, bro.

This woman isn’t even a friend, let alone a close friend.

Dump the bitch now.

She is using you and I am lost for words (almost!) at the ignoring food allergies and a bloody sash.

She's bought you a SASH to wear? Are you quite sure?

Is she making you pay for the No Alcohol sash?

Fuck that.

Your going to her wedding, paying a fortune to sleep in a used bed, wearing a dress to big for you and can't eat the food or have a drink.

Fuck that right off. She is a cheeky bitch.

Send her this thread.

No way would I be going.

Cheeky bastard.

You will be starving, minding her kids, sober and feeling like you look your worst. And you will be on your own for most of it.

There is nothing, nothing about the day that is appealing.

This is the cheekiest cf of all time.

When is the wedding?

Has she told you what she expects you to buy for the wedding gift? House deposit? Holiday? Small car.

Cheeky cunt.

update!

thank you all so much.

wow I didn’t realise how bad I’d let things become and how much of a mug / door
at / punchbag I was!!
Thank you for opening my eyes.

I thought it was bad but didn’t realise how bad! I’ve read every single comment and it’s hit home to me now that’s it’s really not normal. AT ALL!!!

just to cover a few points:

• we’ve been friends since 8 years old so that history was what I was honouring when I wrote the post - but clearly there is no friendship here.

• it’s started off as small things, that over time, have turned into major red flag things that I just brushed off and allowed it tot happen as we were “best friends” and “she means well”.

• I’m a pushover, there is no doubt about that. My DP keeps telling me to grow a back bone. And he’s right.
I should have been standing up for myself this whole time (years!) but haven’t so I also have myself to blame for letting it get this bad.

• this isn’t a troll post, unfortunately, it’s my reality 😣 but thank you for pointing this out - it’s really made me see just how much of a mug I have been. Still am but will work on this.

• allergies: definitely a real friend wouldn’t even put me in that position, which again has opened my eyes to how bad this has all became.

I‘ve re-read my original post and it hit a nerve at just how much of a doormat I am. I’m so mad at myself for allowing it to happen. I’d be telling my friends to run a mile as fast as they could!

update on best friend :
I text her saying that I am stepping down as her bridesmaid for the above reasons and I was sorry but I just can’t do it with these conditions.
I left it there but thought I’d dwindle to friendship out.
she turned up at my house but I wasn’t home (my DP was but he ignored the door), the ring doorbell camera recorded her - left a bag by the door with the dress, pjs & a note that said I’d just ruined her wedding.
I also received multiple texts giving me abuse from here and some of the bridesmaids.

I blocked her and all the bridesmaids.

And now I feel like I can actually breathe a little.

thank you all so much for your honesty, and encouragement. Truly I would be a mug at the wedding next month if it wasn’t for you all! ❤️

@Poshpaddington - Well done you. Did you pay for the dress? If you didn't maybe she is hoping you will change your mind if she has left the dress with you!

I hope you aren't persuaded to change your mind. You can't possibly have 'ruined' her wedding. She was clearly not your friend the way she was treating you - so if anyone 'ruined' it - it was her fault. Seriously, if she really thinks you have ruined it, she an even bigger Bridezilla than I thought she was from your posts!!

YES, OP!!

Well done, you!!

I bet it feels so good (and a bit scary) and now you get that money back for the room and go treat yourself to something lovely.

She's not going to drop this so be ready for pushback but just keep ignoring/blocking and refusing to let her have any more head space and you'll be just fine.

Man, I wish I could have seen her face when she read that text 😂

Well done! Great that you're already feeling freer.w3

Oooooh, good point - if she carries on sending the flying monkeys in to defend her, you need to send us in to defend you!

She would have a FIT if she read this thread 😂

That's your ammunition ready for if she turns nasty, OP! No need to get into an argument, just send her the link to this and let us deal with her!

You definitely did the right thing.
As PP's have said the only person who has ruined anything is bridezilla. Keep her and the others blocked.

Also, use the money you'd have wasted spent on her demands to treat yourself to something special.

Well done OP, great news.

You’d be fair to leave the ‘friendship’ before the wedding, never mind after. She sounds unhinged.

Edit: got to your update, woohoo, well done you!

Well done OP!

@JellyIegs

It's not how you would treat a mate.

Well done you!

Wow well done you. I read the thread earlier but didn't bother to post as thought it could not possibly be real!

But I'm glad you'v e seen through her but make sure you learn from it.

So pleased it’s hit home how she’s been treating you and you’ve extracted yourself. Hopefully she’ll leave you alone now but if she doesn’t stay strong and maintain your boundaries. Also if you’re having a wobble and feel bad remind yourself that only she is responsible for you not attending the wedding. She’s just upset that she took it for granted that she’d always be able to control you.

Wow well done! Such a hard thing you have done, but her reaction proves to you it was absolutely the right decision.
How is you stepping down as her bridesmaid ruining her wedding?! Keep your head high.

The only thing you have "ruined" for her, is her soon to be husband now has no room the night before 😂

Sorry sent too soon. Well done on you and now relax

Well done OP. I promise you won't regret this -I NEVER have with my former "friend" and it was a huge relief.
Don't rise to the bait and answer any form of communication. The bag drop was baiting you to respond. If you don't say anything at all she will eventually give up. Block on all social media/email/phone and continue to ignore the door. Congratulations on getting your freedom back!!!

Fantastic update!! Well done!

Well done OP! Good riddance! Your life will be much better without that toxic woman in it.