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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridezilla best friend

448 replies

Poshpaddington · 05/12/2023 13:36

My best friend of 25 years is getting married in the new year. She’s always been “protective” of me, constantly texting & checking up on me, turning up at my door if I haven’t replied so she knows I’m ok etc. (drives me mad but it’s her).
Throughout this wedding planning she’s got worse and been quite mean towards me. My DP & MIL think she’s being controlling.
She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).
Shes told me my hair is too short so expects me to buy extensions for her wedding - I have shoulder length hair.
She got mad at me as I didn’t buy the £200 shoes she’s wants me to wear but instead o found similar & in the exact same colour, just cheaper.
She made me pay £400 for my room at the venue as she wants me to stay the night before & wedding night. The venue is a 3 hour drive away.
she just text me saying that her fiancé will now be sleeping in my paid for room the night before & I need to sleep in her bed with her & her baby (wtf!?) and won’t pay for the sheets to be cleaned & changed as she doesn’t see an issue with it.
my DP of 10 years has only been invited to the evening part as she doesn’t want me distracted throughout the daytime (wtf!).
all the other bridesmaids have their partners attending the whole day, as I found out at the hen weekend.
she’s just told me she has a sash for me to wear at the wedding that says “no alcohol” so that the bar tenders only serve me soft drinks as she doesn’t want me to drink, at all, so I can help her all day.
i have allergies to food, which she knows about, but decided not to include that when booking the wedding food and just told me to “leave it on my plate” but I won’t physically be able to eat anything that has touched the food due to cross-contamination or I’ll be covered in hives 😣 & possible using my Epi pen.
The hen weekend was horrible - they all snubbed me the whole time. Nobody engaged in a conversation with me and every time I sat near any of them they moved away - my best friend told me it’s “because you aren’t a mum or married yet so it’s hard to relate to you” 🤔

would I be unfair to just leave this friendship after the wedding is over?

my MIL & DP don’t want me to even go to the wedding but I can’t let her down. It’s not fair. I really don’t want to go under all these circumstances but we do have a long friendship that I am honouring.

OP posts:
AelinGalathynius · 06/12/2023 00:10

Raindancer411 · 05/12/2023 23:43

The only thing you have "ruined" for her, is her soon to be husband now has no room the night before 😂

Don’t forget she also lost the free nanny for the child, and the butler who was going to fetch her drinks and wait on her all day. Wedding ruined indeed!

Saschka · 06/12/2023 00:18

Sallyh87 · 05/12/2023 14:28

I think the voting is not going to be accurate. I imagine many people are voting YABU, to have put up with any of this.

Yep, I voted YABU to even go to the wedding in the first place. You should have told her to fuck off years ago.

LylaLee · 06/12/2023 00:25

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AcrossthePond55 · 06/12/2023 00:29

@Poshpaddington

Good for you!!!! I hope you cancelled the room, even if you have to forfeit the money. OR....if it's a nice place & a reasonable distance, maybe you can change the date of the reservation and you and DH can go and have a nice overnight stay so the money doesn't completely go to waste.

LylaLee · 06/12/2023 00:34

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Dontjudgeme101 · 06/12/2023 01:14

That’s a fantastic update op. Well done to you. 💐💐💐

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/12/2023 03:05

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Yes.

I used to work in hospitality pre-covid and worked a couple that were in JAnuary because they couldnt have the Xmas themed wedding as we were booked up.*
They usually wanted virtually identical "NYE" themes and which fell flat as no one was up for partying until 2am when they had been at the wedding since lunchtime and been fed once and the bar prices were eye watering. Feeding and watering guests always seemed to come second to decoration, flowers, "instawedding", etc They all buggered off early, ordered in food and got pissed in groups in their rooms or the other local hotels!

*Xmas themed weddings always looked nice and were beautifully planned, but attendance would plummet from the B&G planning for 150 and usually less than half that actually making it, mostly family. Which our wedding planner always warned them about, but no they were sure that people would prioritise their wedding over unimportant stuff like....oh I dunno........their kids Xmas!

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/12/2023 03:10

Once she doesnt get the bite she wants from you on dumping the stuff on your doorstep, she will be after you for the dress "After all, you didnt pay for it!!!!"

So glad that you have found your back bone. Now keep it and leave the sodding dress where she dumped it. When she turns up demanding it back, feign ignorance "Oh did you leave that there?! I thought it was the bag DH was leaving out for the charity collection so I just left it there"

LAMPS1 · 06/12/2023 03:44

Brilliant turn of events. Well done OP.

tachycardigan · 06/12/2023 04:06

Well done! Have you cancelled the hotel room?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 06/12/2023 04:52

she turned up at my house but I wasn’t home (my DP was but he ignored the door), the ring doorbell camera recorded her - left a bag by the door with the dress, pjs & a note that said I’d just ruined her wedding.
I also received multiple texts giving me abuse from here and some of the bridesmaids.

Which tells you everything you need to know, doesn't it. If my bestie had pulled out at the last minute for the reasons you've given I'd be at her door begging for forgiveness and promising to fix every bit of nonsense I'd fallen into.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/12/2023 05:09

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The use of ‘mad’? Totally normal to me. Multicultural London English is increasingly part of everyday British English Lexicon.

Forgot to add: well done op. You won’t regret this for a minute!

Nowherenew · 06/12/2023 05:31

I’m glad to hear that you have seen the light OP.

You need to keep this thread so you can refer back to it or if anyone does give you any grief then you can send them the link and let them read themselves.

Either the other bridesmaids don’t know what she’s like or they’re all mugs and let this woman control them too.
Either way, your honesty and the replies will show them how stupid they are for blaming you.

You have got some harsh replies on here, which is never nice to read but these are more from a place of frustration and anger at her, than with you.

Every single poster is on your side and I hope that this is a turning point in your life where you start putting yourself first.

You sound like a lovely person and she has lost a very good friend.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 06/12/2023 05:49

Well done op ❤️
You've done the right thing, I'm proud of you!
Seriously, she sounds nuts, turned up at your front door!
Ignore the lot of them.

Bananalanacake · 06/12/2023 06:13

Of course you haven't ruined it, one of those snooty cows who ignored you on the hen do would be delighted to take your place, if she's that popular.

Hernameisdeborah · 06/12/2023 06:20

Well done @Poshpaddington . Now whatever happens, DO NOT BACK DOWN.

RampantIvy · 06/12/2023 06:35

That has got to be one of the most satisfying updates I have ever seen on mumsnet.

Well done @Poshpaddington.

I hope the flying monkeys weren't mutual friends. I wonder who the bridezilla will pick on next to push around?

jeaux90 · 06/12/2023 06:40

I'd text her back with a link to this thread Grin

Well done OP!! Bet you are proud of yourself and you should be. Your DP is probably doing a snoopy tap dance.

FlamingoQueen · 06/12/2023 07:05

Awesome update! Well done, I’m proud of you!

madmumofteens · 06/12/2023 07:05

Brilliant update OP well done you 💪💐

CatOnTheCludgy · 06/12/2023 07:10

shearwater2 · 05/12/2023 14:26

Bloody hell.

I would have stopped here:

She asked my dress size, then disagreed that I was that size saying “you aren’t that small, absolutely not” then ordered my dress 2 sizes too bigger. I tried it on last night and it’s hanging off my shoulders, so I look like I’m a child playing dress up in my mums clothes 😂 she refuses to get it altered and won’t allow me to take it to get it done (she’s kept the dress with her).

Give her an ultimatum, either you get a dress that fits, you have your hair how you like, you and only you get to sleep in your room, DP gets invited all day, you won't be wearing any no alcohol sash and will drink what you bloody like, you get food you can actually eat, you forthwith resign as a bridesmaid and a friend and never want to see the stupid fucking bitch ever again.

This is the best reply.
She is being massively unreasonable.

CatOnTheCludgy · 06/12/2023 07:12

Omg now I read the update!
Amazing! Well done you. Fantastic!

Mumdiva99 · 06/12/2023 07:18

You are so brave to have done this. Well done.

You haven't ruined her wedding. I wonder if her parents know how horrible she was to you......I wonder if she's thought about how she tells them she's fallen out with you!!

LylaLee · 06/12/2023 07:33

The reason your husband was not invited is because no one who cares about you would have stood by and allowed you to be humiliated with that dress and sash. He would not have let you go all day without eating. He wouldn't have watched you be a house elf all day.

She knew that it would be obvious that the aim was your humiliation, and he would not have stood by as it played out.

I hope you actually cancel the room.

curlysue1991 · 06/12/2023 07:37

If this was a relationship it would be considered abuse, she is abusing you and from what I can read between the lines from her hen party, I would imagine she is after talking to her friends about you and painting you in a negative light and that's why they didnt want to talk to you, not because they couldn't relate to you, run run run!