Outraged by the comments on my dd

[EllaBella11]

My DD has just turned 13 by this October and is 5'11 and has a very solid built not only for her age, but for any woman in general. She's very confident about herself and I'm very proud of her.

However, this has caused quite a lot of people commenting on my dd. Even though most of the comments were particularly nice, some comments are very disgusting and I'm really afraid that might make her quite insecured.

I've received quite a lot of not so reasonable comments from other people about my dd.

From a fellow parent, "She's so massive. She's on the verge of being overweight."

From another fellow parent, "She's so huge. Do you check her weight?"

Other comments are like, "She's a giant", "She looks like an adult" and so many mean comments.

Where does these comments come from? Did I ask for these comments from them? Some people are so mean. I don't want my dd to feel unhappy about her size growing up and never specially at this stage.

What are the effective ways to reply to these comments?

I think they're also jealous of my daughter's very solid performance in sports and studies and want to put her down by doing these outrageous comments. I'm so proud of my daughter and her confidence. I wish I had even half of her confidence when I was a teenager.

I was 5' 11" at 13 too (and a DD cup), topped out at 6' 2". I've had those comments my entire life - still get it now, especially in a work setting where I'm meeting clients and they are shocked about how tall I am compared to seeing me on Zoom meetings 🙄

I was a swimmer, but took up netball at 42, I play GA or GD/GK and the opposite players are often average height and they look scared when I walk over 😂(but soon realise I can't run!)

Me too.

@EllaBella11

Next time your no good friend or anybody else that says very personal remarks about your daughter's appearance her body,
You need to have look of disgust on your face,
then say to nasty no good friend and nasty people, these kinds of following remarks to say at hand,

eww you are coming across as a right weirdo to take such an unhealthy interest in my daughter's or childs appearance or her developing physique, her body,

are you sick in the head or something
that you get a kick out of my putting my daughter down like that?

I think or you need to see a shrink/ mind head / doctor to see why you are so fascinated by my daughter's body.!

@EllaBella11

These nasty people don't care about the potential detrimental long lasting effect, saying nasty comments about your daughter's physique will have

why should you or your daughter spare these nasty people who are simply Arseholes their feelings,
give it back to them,
with two barrels,

This is bullying , just like the kind of bullying you get in schools yards.

she is at an extremely well known vulnerable stage in her life adolescence,

this so called friend of yours is not a real proper friend at all,
she is an emotional abuser User of a friend who gets off, gets a kick out of putting your daughter's fragile developing sense of self esteem,

@EllaBella11

This emotional abuser User of a friend is obviously getting a kick out of your low self esteem and insecurities aswell.

I guarantee when you start standing up to her,
she will to either be trying to be manipulative to you to emotionally gaslight, or guilt trip you into thinking you are in the wrong to feel like that,
or
she will so offended that you never bother with you again..

Fuck off and who the fuck do you think you are making comments like that comes to mind as a reply……

My son has a genetic disorder that makes him a lot bigger and taller than us but apparently height is the one personal characteristic people feel perfectly fine to comment on. Luckily he is proud of his height and doesn't think he has a weight issue but it is tedious to be asked continuously why he's so tall, even by people who have been told the reason. It's very insensitive, like people have mentioned, nobody comments on how short someone is. I have no easy answers for retorts to this, I am afraid.

🤣🤣🤣

Brilliant answer back, love it🙂

I'm afraid people do comment when someone is particularly small/skinny/short. Due to a serious illness when she was much younger, DD was always the smallest/skinniest/most undeveloped in her year group. Just as people find that children who grow more quickly are treated as older than they really are, people treat those who develop more slowly as younger than they really are. They get pushed around, patronised, babied, and left out of age-appropriate activities. It's shit whatever end of the height spectrum you are.

In her first OP she said that her daughter was ‘stockier than most adult women’. Given that most adult women are overweight and the op had yet to say her daughter isn’t I still stand by this as a valid comment.

1. Does stocky mean overweight? I don't think I heard that before.
2. I said she's not overweight at all before and she's athletic.

So yeah, this wasn't a valid comment.

Sorry, you used solid not stocky. I would say this is some times used to mean overweight. You didn’t say she was athletic until your second post which was made after my first post. I could only comment on the information available.

Solid means muscular, firm bodied, strong.
Everybody knows that.

As @UnbreakMyFart pointed out, solid means strong and built. If you didn't knew that, then I guess your comment was valid.

It’s also widely used as a euphemism for overweight.

Sometimes we don’t see something because we see it everyday and can’t be objective as that would mean changing our own habits

I have a friend who would call her dd solid. Her dd was overweight but because the way her weight was distributed evenly over her body, my friend could just not see it.
When her dd went to uni and was eating similar portion sizes to her friends whilst still doing her sport and having an active life style it was then the weight fell off her and her actual very muscular frame became defined.

I think nowadays we seem to think that being taller means you are wider.
When it just means you are taller.

My oldest ds is 11 hes 5ft 10, size 11 feet in and mans large clothes x my son is solid i get so many comments on his weight but me and dad aint small to be fair both sides of our familys are large build and tall my youngest is 7 and is following in his brothers size too x

Just get off Facebook. You can't stop people having opinions, but you have the power to not let it get to you. I am a similar height and the worst thing is finding trousers to fit. Next and Long Tall Sally are good.

I can't believe some people, I was 190 lbs when I was 14 and my doctor told me and my mom I was overweight, follow doctor recommendations. But once I was 16 I was fine, people are mean. And I would either ignore those comments and maybe teach your child that some people are mean, and that means they don't like themselves, and that's why people are bullies. I'm saying this to you because I wished my mom supported me better when I was over weight. When she just tried to make me loose the weight and she unintentionally made me feel bad about myself and made me eat more that wasn't healthy for me. So I hope you support her in a healthy yet happy way.

Kids will always say hurtful things to other kids but as for the parent that commented about your daughter well that is bang out of order and if i were you i would punch her lights out lol. Your daughter is perfect the way she is, just rise above the hateful comments

"Do you make a habit of commenting on the bodies of teenage girls? It's a bit weird, don't you think?"

Then, if they persist;

"There's a word for people who share your "interest" in the bodies of children like my 13 year old daughter... pea.... something... pea... what's the word again...?"

That should shut them up!

This was my body type and experience! 5ft 11 since I was 12 and broad. Even at my very skinniest in my early twenties (cycling 200 miles per week and not eating enough, cheekbon s that could cut glass) I was a size 12.

I had terrible self esteem and still struggle with it and it was all rooted in my size and how I perceived myself.

I'm so pleased your daughter has good self esteem. But I think it could be useful to remind people that your DD is a CHILD because I think it can be very easy to adultify larger kids. Say "do you remember you're talking about a little girl?" Or some equivalent. I see it now with my own DD who's 3 and people roll their eyes when she's having a meltdown and treat her like she's a spoilt 6 year old... I actually have had a very cute jacket embroidered for her that says a big number 3 on the back to keep misplaced commentary in check 😂

This is how the replies should be.