Outraged by the comments on my dd

[EllaBella11]

My DD has just turned 13 by this October and is 5'11 and has a very solid built not only for her age, but for any woman in general. She's very confident about herself and I'm very proud of her.

However, this has caused quite a lot of people commenting on my dd. Even though most of the comments were particularly nice, some comments are very disgusting and I'm really afraid that might make her quite insecured.

I've received quite a lot of not so reasonable comments from other people about my dd.

From a fellow parent, "She's so massive. She's on the verge of being overweight."

From another fellow parent, "She's so huge. Do you check her weight?"

Other comments are like, "She's a giant", "She looks like an adult" and so many mean comments.

Where does these comments come from? Did I ask for these comments from them? Some people are so mean. I don't want my dd to feel unhappy about her size growing up and never specially at this stage.

What are the effective ways to reply to these comments?

I’m so sick of the world freely commenting on women and girls just for existing. Those people need to fuck off

'It's incredibly creepy to pass comment on a child's body'.

Which it is! Bad enough when people do it about other adults but she's 13 FFS. Is this their first time seeing a tall person?!

I used to get this (5ft 10 and broad)
"Oh you're a big girl aren't you"

I ended up developing an eating disorder because (and I still feel like) I felt like a gangly giant towering over everyone else
My entire family is tall and broad, it's just that I have the same build as the men and because I'm the only female then people think it's weird
If I stand next to my dad, uncle, male cousins, you can see exactly where the build comes from

Some people are so lacking in self awareness, so stupid and so horribly rude that they make comments like this.

The only reply I would give would be, “I’m sorry, but why are you commenting on the body of my child?”

Hopefully that should elicit the correct embarrassment.

Yes, she has a stocky muscular body type. Not overweight at all, just much broader than everyone else. Also, doctor is not worried about her weight at all.

Dd grew to that sort of height at that age. The only comments about her were about how she managed to keep so thin being so tall.
I just said she lived off veggie nuggets and chips and 36 hours of her activity each week as well as working a Saturday job and school.
She does a bit of modelling now and then which has proved to be quite an income boost

I'm so sorry people are such dicks!

I had a friend who was 6' at about 14 and people's (and her dad's) comments made her very self conscious and gave her food issues.

I thought she was gorgeous! Perfectly in proportion, just tall. I looked like a hobbit next to her at 5'1" and a bit podgy.

My DD is tiny, only 4'11" at 15 and unlikely to get any taller.

When people comment I laugh it off with something like yes I know, she's small and perfectly formed, the best things come in small packages, all that kind of nonsense to brush them off.

It's either that or just tell them to fuck off, she's gorgeous, and so clever, and funny, and such a hard worker, and very kind despite the sarcasm. Her height is the least interesting thing about her.

Hope your daughter is ok. All you can do is try to teach her that self worth doesn't depend on other people as they are often arseholes. But maybe phrase it better!

As per a previous poster, girls the size of your daughter can stick out like a sore thumb at that age. I became more aware of this when I started secondary school teaching. In a form of about 30 boys and girls in year 7/8, there would be couple of girls that would literally look 'oversized' compared to the other girls AND boys. By year 10/11 those couple of girls would still be that size but the others will have caught up.
Sadly, there are some idiotic people out there that feel they can comment on young people's appearance with complete unawareness of the damage they could cause with these comments.
Don't be shy to call people out on it when they make these comments, whether they like it or not.
Hopefully, your daughter will remain confident enough to rise above these comments and will keep enjoying her sporting strengths.

FWIW my 14 year old boy is teeny. His younger brother (11 years old) is taller than him. He's 4 ft 8 and VERY thin thanks to autism-related sensory food issues. (We are under a dietician before any posters lectures me on how to feed him). I get sometimes concerned / critical comments along the lines of ; 'He's so wee! He's so tiny! '. I always reply ' He's just absolutely gorgeous the way he is'.

It's not quite the same of course- there is much greater judgement for perceived weight and of course for females of any age who are deemed to be outside some sort of socially accepted mold. But its another possible reply I guess.

Here is me on my 12th birthday. Faces covered but you can see the height/width compared to others

My DS3 is 13, 5ft 11 and built like a tank too. I understand it’s different for a boy, but I get the god isn’t he huge comments too. Even teachers at school 😑.

I agree with the posters who say tell em to fuck off

This photo did not need the time stamp. The velvet chokers / dress with tshirt styles told me it was 1996 at a glance 😀

@Spinet I have no idea why the t shirt under a dress was a thing but parents seemed to approve!

It's hard enough being a teenage girl without having to deal with this sort of nonsense.

I'm sorry about the comments, OP.

I was the same as your DD at her age. I have to say, sadly, comments about my height/being taller than everyone else did have an impact of my self esteem for a long time.
I'm late 40s now, 5ft 11 and a size 12 /14 and totally comfortable in my skin but as a teenage girl, when all you want to to is blend in, it's brutal.

Have your daughter´s back. I was 5,9 by 13, taller than all the boys but one in my class. I would still get comments about how giant I was, although i was very thin, how I was BIG etc etc, all those idiots should have stuck their tongues up their proverbials. By 18 I was sporting heels and still do, all 5cm of them. My thoughts were, you thought I was tall, well eat this!

i got to 6ft by age 11(y6 primary)i have 36 inch legs
i was 28 inches born and 9lb10oz.
i was a very very big kid from day 1

i also had size (adult)12 feet and was a DD/E bra(first bra was at 8 and a C cup)
i had thick jet black spiral curls right down to my waist
i passed for a grown women and looked it
i never wore inappropriate clothes or makeup i had a normal teenagerhood
i was a swimmer and didn't do the clubbing, drinking scene

ive been having inappropriate comments from men since i was about 10 but I'm gobby, strong and a alpha female type so they had a mouth full back as is my mother(she's 5ft btw)

ive never grown a inch since 11(I'm 43 soon and a 13 shoe size)
boobs did, i got to 14 a G cup and from 18 onwards ive been a K

i also have a 13 y old boy(July baby) that's now 6ft 1.
he was classed by the hospital as a giant baby and i was told by a midwife to go to the Guinness book of records as he was 29 inches born and 11lb10oz(natural birth btw)and the longest baby shes seen in 40 years

he can pass for 18/19 but he's disabled and mentally 9/10 and was non verbal until 6and half

ive had to tell people all his life his age and he's not as old as you think so expect him to act said age
baby/toddler groups were the worst especially at 2/3 when he looked 5/6 but around 18 months mentally and couldn't speak

nightmare on busses, (under 5s are free here,5-16 is a child's fare)i used to take his passport in my bag

we home educate so he's never done nursery, childcare or school

but back to your post no matter how big she is, how she looks she's still a child and whoever says anything needs to be pulled up.
angrily if comments are inappropriate

i used to come back with" excuse me who do you think your talking to? do you think that's acceptable to talk to a child of(insert age at the time)?
add a head tilt and it made people squirm and back track so quickly

dirty comments from men would get a f off and a "look"

she should have to do this but teach her to bite back straight away and said person will not do it again

bugger don't be rude to adults, if said adult thinks a bad comment is ok to say to a child then child should have the right to bite back

What a shitty unpleasant response. It reflects no better on you that you would respond with such a nasty observation than it does on them. It is not ok for them to comment on a taller child's appearance and is not ok to respond in the same fashion (even if we're indulging in the playground policy of "they started it"). Two wrongs don't make a right.

FWIW, my DD was always small for her age because, yes, she was very seriously ill as a small child. She had to put up with plenty of comments and unpleasant behaviour related to her size. Imagine how she would have felt hearing your retort.

So basically she's built like the women in the British Olympic rowing team ? That's fabulous.
I dunno, either make a level comment about how your mother told you never to make personal remarks, or say how amazing an athlete she is and how you have to hide her from the rowing and throwing scouts...

Maybe a look of utter disgust and a ‘What is wrong with you. Should I allow you another attempt at trying to communicate like a decent human being or is that beyond you?’

Same, DDs just short of 5"11, stopped growing at 11 or so, size 8/9 shoe and people have been very mean at times.

I think that the response should always be, we all come in different shapes,and sizes, none are more worthy than the others...or more or less deserving of kindness.

On the other hand, being as tactless as you are, making those type of comments about a child, is deserving of a lot of unkind judgement, so maybe you should keep those opinions to yourself.

I wish that was the response I gave, but In my defence I am known to react passionately and the response to comments like that tends to be the last conversation I have with people.

I see the usual suspects posting inane fat shaming responses on this thread. What sad little pricks they must be! 🤔

God the sheer cheek of some people.

I'd ask if they meant to be so rude.

That gives them two options;

1)They realise they are rude and apologise

2. They say no in which case they are admitting stupidity and rudeness by default.

Bloody hell! What is wrong with people?!?!??!!!!