Outraged by the comments on my dd

[EllaBella11]

My DD has just turned 13 by this October and is 5'11 and has a very solid built not only for her age, but for any woman in general. She's very confident about herself and I'm very proud of her.

However, this has caused quite a lot of people commenting on my dd. Even though most of the comments were particularly nice, some comments are very disgusting and I'm really afraid that might make her quite insecured.

I've received quite a lot of not so reasonable comments from other people about my dd.

From a fellow parent, "She's so massive. She's on the verge of being overweight."

From another fellow parent, "She's so huge. Do you check her weight?"

Other comments are like, "She's a giant", "She looks like an adult" and so many mean comments.

Where does these comments come from? Did I ask for these comments from them? Some people are so mean. I don't want my dd to feel unhappy about her size growing up and never specially at this stage.

What are the effective ways to reply to these comments?

no, it's actually not. mentioning death as a retort to someone who was undoubtedly rude is awful.

Ugh why do people feel they have the right to comment? I was 5’9 aged 11 (when I went to secondary school). So many people commented on my height. I used to get called a giant. By 13 I was 5’11 but I didn’t grow any more after that. I was a size 12/14 adult clothes at that age and was quite self conscious about it as all of my friends were shorter and thinner. I got boobs and started my periods age 11, which was younger than most at that time. I was taller than about 90% of my teachers, including the men. Also taller than my parents. I was super self conscious about it. Now I’m my 40s not so much. I was a bit overweight but I’ve a stocky build so always fairly in proportion and have been 12-13 stone for my adult life. I got down to 11 stone for a while and had people commenting I was scrawny!! I lived in the Netherlands for a while and I didn’t feel so self conscious, average height is much taller there.

I’d use some of the responses already suggested next time someone mentions it. You’ve made me think actually, my DD is tall for her age (she wears clothes 3 ages bigger just to get the length) and I need to work out how to respond if/ when people comment on her size. She’s pretty slim which has meant people commenting on her height rather than her ‘size’ so far. I’ve just replied with things like ‘oh yes so lovely to be tall’ and ‘yes no surprise given my height really’ to ‘well she wasn’t going to be a tiny dot given how tall I am’ etc etc. Not sure why people are so obsessed with other womens’ height!!

nah, the only response to this is to tell them to fuck off. Followed by asking them what’s so wrong in their life that they have to make horrid comments about an actual child.

This kind of thing actually really annoys me. Unless you are a medical professional with a legitimate health concern, there is no need to comment on the weight of a child.

My DD is a similar age and nearly as tall, but she is extremely slender. She gets so many comments about her shape. She's not underweight but people will ask if she eats, it's said as a joke but I think people actually think we don't give her enough food, when actually she eats like a horse!

DD is 5ft 11 and has been that height since 13. DH is 6ft 5 and DS 6ft 3 and still growing so it's not an oddity in our house. People are just unbelievably rude and thoughtless - aren't you big is the phrase that used to make me shudder. My only advice is make sure she always has clothes that fit properly (ASOS tall was a godsend). It's bad enough being bigger than most other people in the room, let alone if your trousers are flapping round your ankles and your cuffs are half way up your forearms. My DD loves being tall and wore heels to her prom making herself 6ft 3. She looked amazing.

Yeah, I think fuck off is entirely appropriate.
That should put them back in their box.

I used to be the tallest in my school at 5'9.
There's at least two girls taller than me in all my classes now. Years 7 to 13.

I’d make an unpleasant comment about their appearance and then ask them how it makes them feel! Or tell them to fuck off, that works too 😁

As an aside, I am a tall woman - 5’11 - and have been this height since I was 15. I wear heels to make myself even taller because why the heck not? Tall women rule

My daughter was probably very similar to yours and now at 16 is 6 feet and proud of it! Not that you get a choice for how tall you're going to be? I would have killed for legs that long
she is also strong we have a strong message in our family about the importance of being healthy and strong and by god we all come in different shapes and sizes
I'm also referred to as the family shorty

This was me at age 12. I would have other parents on the sidelines of my matches calling me a beast, a freak, a giant and complaining I shouldn’t be allowed to play. I was just tall and trying to enjoy playing sport with my age group.

My dad was always encouraging me to keep on competing and would tell me that they were sore losers. He would tell them that they were bullying a child, and how pathetic that was. The comments didn’t end up damaging my confidence, I felt sorry for these sad adults.

Not sure what "very solid built" means? Is she overweight or not? A GP will tell you. The priority has to be the health and confidence of your child. And I'm not sure where you're getting all the comments from - other than posting on social media and asking for comments? Your daughter will be noticed and remarked upon, just for being visibly different from the rest of the class. 5'11" is tall and towers over most adults. I'd focus on building her confidence. And how height is an advantage. And maybe a school/support counsellor to give her a verbal toolset that respects her self-identity when people express surprise. But it is difficult to process, when you meet a very young person who is so tall. We met an 11 year old girl, who was 6ft, on holiday. Lovely girl, lovely family, we bonded. But it was really difficult to keep reminding ourselves that she was not a mature teenager. She was still in junior school. It's just difficult when your eyes see 16 or 17 and your mind knows 11 and you should be focussing on times tables and junior school stuff.

I'm quite petite... I've spent my life with equally rude comments about not being fed properly or being short.

Both are just rude. There are plenty of tall role models out there. Miranda is one of my favourites at six foot.

I developed and grew quite quickly so was tall and broad for my age. Remember the comments well….’such a BIG girl’ and other worse stuff. Looking back I really wasn’t fat but mum constantly had me on diets which only reinforced what people were saying. I wish she’d dismissed what they’d said
and given me confidence. I had a few years of bulimia problems that I managed to overcome over the years. I now weigh exactly the same as I did then with a healthy relationship with food/my body and work in the fitness industry. Reassure your daughter on all her amazing qualities and build her confidence. I’d quietly pull the people aside and ask them not to pass comment on my daughter’s body. People are idiots.

Yeah like others have said, just fuck off! No way would I woukd comment in another child's physique, as I would expect from others. DS is 99pc centile and wearing clothes 3 years older and there have been comments like he's a big lad got his age but nothing negative. If there was I would swat that down! Being a well built girl, can imagine these comments are harder, hopefully not meant to be but sounds like some are downright unpleasant! Part of me would feel inclined to reply say that to her face then. Just rude and no need, they are arseholes. Xx

My four year old is really tall, about average 6 year old height and we get constant negative sounding comments about what a 'big' girl she is. Absolutely fucks me off. She's not big, she's tall and even if she was it's no one's business. I get total rage when people say oh what a big girl she is..I usually follow with a comment about how lucky I am she will be able to get the towels I can't reach at the top of the airing cupboard or how lucky she is to have such beautiful long legs. Her dads 6'2, grandads 6'4, female aunts around 6ft.
I can totally see why some girls develop a complex and eating disorders and that is not happening to my DD cos of other fuckwits making stupid remarks

I don't know why people find it so hard to process what solid built in a female means
Think of a rugby player vs a ballerina and you've got the idea

5ft 11 doesn't tower over most adults, I'm 5ft 10 and don't notice being tall now because the average height is going up

And no, it's not ok to comment on peoples differences because it's height, you wouldn't comment on a squint or a stammer or someone who used a wheelchair, you would STFU! (I'm not saying it's the same as any of that but while you might notice people's differences you don't go round saying "oh look, she's got a stammer")

They are just jealous that she is Tall. People can be so rude. Not sure what you can say. Maybe say nothing and just ignore. Or something like are yiu body shaming a 13 year old child. Hopefully your daughter is not hearing these comments.

Why does anyone feel the need to comment on anyone else’s height / weight / size 😩
I’m quite small , so what 🤷🏻‍♀️ why does anyone feel the need to make fun of me just like I wouldn’t mention anyone else’s height / weight .
My mum is AWFUL for doing this ..often the first thing she would say to my youngest “ oh you're a big girl “ and she’s not particularly tall just a little above average height and yes she’s heavier but that’s just rude and unnecessary.

The OP can focus on more than one thing at a time. Even if DD were obese, these people are still rude pricks and need dealing with.

’I have a strong, fit, healthy body. Why does it matter so much to you what shape it is?’

this is what I’ve been teaching my DD to say when people comment on her body. She’s 11 and very slim, she’s technically underweight but has been reviewed by an paediatrician and dietician and it’s just her natural body shape. Unfortunately people can’t seem to help themselves commenting on it. ‘Look at your skinny legs, they’re like twigs’ etc etc

I can't believe people feel the need to say this sort of shit to you! I actually think it's jealousy. They're probably all jealous of your daughters super model height. You've done a fantastic job to raise a daughter who is confident in herself, well done OP!

People comment on height. Your dd is unusual being 5ft 11 especially at 13. But opinions are like assholes - e everyone has one. I was my adult height at 13 and didn't grow anymore and yes loads of comments as I did look like an adult as I had hips a d boobs.

Hi op, it’s very odd and very cruel that people are making comments about your daughter’s weight. I think it’s best to ignore.

I’m sure (from what you’ve said) that your situation isn’t like this, but my friend’s daughter has gained a significant amount of weight. She’s 19 and 5’1”. She is absolutely beautiful, but her weight spoils how she appears, but more worrying is that it’s just not healthy. She is possibly about a size 20, but carries weight centrally and around her face.

I wouldn’t say a thing about it, but my friends mother (the gran) Is very blunt, as are a few other people we know. My friend however is determined that her daughter is both healthy and happy. She will tell us all about the activities and sports her daughter is involved in. It’s very sad to see such denial.

It does sound from the description though, that this not the case for your daughter, so I’d even perhaps ask them to elaborate on what exactly they think the problem is.

After my eldest going through an eating disorder i shut down any comments about any of my kids bodies. Actually i shut down any negative comments about their image (SIL i'm looking at you!). There's no need to make comments on kids bodies. I don't get understand in what world people think it's acceptable.

I know, to some extent, what you are talking about, OP. My own DS was big. Not overweight big, just tall. VERY tall. And lost his babyface very early on. I remember some woman remarking, "I can't believe that child is acting that way," and I said (very snarkily, I'm ashamed to say), "Good God, he's THREE! He's acting like every other three-year-old here!" She looked stunned, and said "I'm so sorry. I thought he was eight or nine!"

I SO hope these remarks are not made in your DD's hearing.