Outraged by the comments on my dd

[EllaBella11]

My DD has just turned 13 by this October and is 5'11 and has a very solid built not only for her age, but for any woman in general. She's very confident about herself and I'm very proud of her.

However, this has caused quite a lot of people commenting on my dd. Even though most of the comments were particularly nice, some comments are very disgusting and I'm really afraid that might make her quite insecured.

I've received quite a lot of not so reasonable comments from other people about my dd.

From a fellow parent, "She's so massive. She's on the verge of being overweight."

From another fellow parent, "She's so huge. Do you check her weight?"

Other comments are like, "She's a giant", "She looks like an adult" and so many mean comments.

Where does these comments come from? Did I ask for these comments from them? Some people are so mean. I don't want my dd to feel unhappy about her size growing up and never specially at this stage.

What are the effective ways to reply to these comments?

A nearly six foot 12 year old girl is VERY unusual so I guess that’s what people are commenting on. I’d be a bit shocked tbh - I’ve not seen a child that size. Commenting is obviously inappropriate though.

I think your attitude is refreshing OP. Humans are different natural shapes. Some of us are bigger or weigh more.

I'm seeing weight through new eyes as my y6 child is at the top end of average and measured overweight in the y6 measurements.

He is a sporty, muscular lad and 45kg. This was the weight I aspired to be (and starved for) from ages 12 - 40. It was impossible, I never achieved it. I am a min 65kg woman and probably look "thin" until 70kg. Even postpartum at 100kg I looked fairly normal. I'm strong, broad and statuesque and look very tall despite being 5'7.

I wish someone had told me my natural shape and size was ok. I was a German shepherd trying to be a toy poodle - impossible!

"And you are one ugly bitch" would work well.

People are vile about tall girls regardless of their body shape. Mine are in absolutely no conceivable stretch of the imagination at all overweight at all (DD2 I get concerned about being slightly too underweight to be honest) - but they are all leggy with these long slender limbs that they definitely do not get from me (I would absolutely kill for their gorgeous figures) and MIL made some rotten comments about "long skinny legs".

We have the rule that you do not say anything negative about how someone looks and you only comment nicely about things they've chosen - so nice haircut, nice clothes etc... and definitely not that the kids have got "all stretched out skinny Minnies"

It really pissed me off - the girls are very likely to be pushing 6 foot as adults (their dad's 6 foot 7 - this one's definitely his fault) and we try really hard to keep it all positive about how their bodies are for as long as we possibly can.

DH gets the "you're tall" one a LOAD - he's more polite than me because I'd be replying "no shit Sherlock" by now.

Isn't it just.

Some peers might do it if they are THAT type, but from adults completely unacceptable.

No matter how rude the response given, the person deserves it.

I am a very measured person IRL, that admittedly doesn't tolerate nonsense, but if someone was to remark negatively about my daughters appearance I would be incensed at the cheek of them.

You criticise someones child, don't be surprised if they bit back, hard.

Fortunately I have never come across that.

I would imagine it would be hugely frowned upon and gossiped about.

We are all very protective of our girls, particularly as they are very sporty and do come in all shapes snd sizes and tennis and hockey gear is fairly unforgiving.

You would have to be of extremely low intelligence to verbalise a criticism/opinion out loud.

You deserve whatever response you get IMO, no matter how sharp.

The OP didn’t say she was overweight or obese. She said she was 5’11 and of solid build.

even on this thread you have people posting "but what if she is faaaat" pretending a fake concern. These are the kind of people who make those comments in real life. God knows what they get out of it.

And even if she was the dreaded "fat", are people really so thick that they think a well timed "oh she is so large' will change that? of course they don't.

‘Oh your child is huge. Do you check her weight?’
’Oh you are so rude. Do you check what you say before you say it?’

Why ‘be careful’ ? Do you not think the OP is capable of judging whether her child is overweight or not ?

Arrrghhhhh
It's so awful.

I hit 6ft at 12 and jt was DIFFICULT.
MY 2 Yr old (24 months) DD is 95cm and people have commented on it already in a rude way.

It is so infuriating and unnecessary and rude.

At the moment I say oh she's so lovely and long and strong
But I'm not sure how I'll handle it as she gets older.

I would just say "How rude" and end the conversation.

See I don't get it sometimes

If someone posted their son was 5ft 11 and solid, we all know what that looks like
If someone posts it about a female, people start asking if they are overweight

It's like the difference in body frame between a jockey and a power lifter. Even if you stripped all the fat off a power lifter, they will still be the twice the frame size of a jockey
You get slim narrow men and broad stocky tall ones, but it never seems ok than females are built like that

My relative is a fairly famous heavyweight boxer and people gush over his size and build and how massive he is yet I got bullied for it?

As a netball coach - please tell me she plays netball??

As a parent - I would also feel outraged. But I would ignore the idiots who feel the need to comment, and work hard on body confidence in my DD. My DD was similar - she's now 6ft (and a very talented netballer). She often had comments about her height too, but thanks to her athletic ability had broad shoulders and the confidence to boot.

Yeah, netball is one of the sports she does.

I'm very proud of your dd, is she a pro in netball now?

It's all well and good posting long clever and witty comebacks but a simple 'That is a very rude statement/question to say/ask about my child' should do the job.

While unpleasant, sometimes, friends say things that they don't realise how rude it comes across and once you tell them, they suddenly realise and that's the end of it. Everything doesn't need a big blow-up sweary aggression.

Now what they do afterwards will determine how far you take it.

So was I (and I wasn't the tallest girl I knew). It was amazing how many people felt the need to look at me and say 'oooh, aren't you tall!' like I hadn't actually noticed.

That's awesome, I'm glad that's one of her sports - she will be in demand with her height for sure.

My daughter plays national level, and trains with a few of the girls from the Super League. She only started playing at 12 so has done really well.

That said, I've never seen someone who mistook tall for overweight. It's a bizarre thing to think.

One of my sons had a lot of comments about his weight around this age. He is now a strapping 6ft+ gorgeous man who is very much admired by the ladies, kind and successful.

They sound like horrible people.

They can all just fuck off OP. You wouldn't say this stuff to an adult, so why to parent of a child.

Unless your daughters weight is over healthy BMI and even it's a private matter.

I know that was weak! I liked the left hook one. Now that's a comeback!

I’d just say “she’s taller than the average man”

I’m tall. I got someone at work say “ I didn’t realise you were so big “ and someone else say “ aren’t you tall ?” No I’ve never noticed this 🙄. What is it with people commenting on appearances ? I’d never say anything about a person’s body shape. Just rude.

She's not overweight or obese at all. She's perfectly healthy.

Dafuq? Who are these people and are they saying it to you or her or online?

She's perfect, incredible and a sporting Queen!