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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
Flickersy · 03/12/2023 18:31

They stay in a nearby air BnB or hotel, come to you during the day, during which you can keep the dog to certain rooms.

It's daft to accept an invitation to stay at a house which has dogs if you're scared of dogs.

ThePoetsWife · 03/12/2023 18:31

You'll be lucky to find somewhere that has space

TeaKitten · 03/12/2023 18:31

Obviously don’t send your dog away, it’s very cheeky of them to even ask. But if they do choose to come don’t let it put a downer on it, the dog will barely even notice her with all the other people there.

GreekDogRescue · 03/12/2023 18:31

God that’s awful OP.
No way would I allow my dog to be sent away to boarding kennels due to some neurotic family member.
If one is lucky enough to be invited to stay with someone, take a ‘when in Rome’ approach.
Also boarding kennels are horrible bleak places. I work in rescue and behind the scenes some of these kennels don’t do half the things they say they do.

DarkForces · 03/12/2023 18:32

I wouldn't put my dog in kennels or send them away for anyone. I just try to minimise interaction between people who are scared of her by shutting her away if needed. She's tiny but gets very excited when new people (who she expects to be worshippers) arrive

Gensola · 03/12/2023 18:33

I can’t imagine putting a dog over family 😨

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 18:33

Cheeky fuckers. The answer from me would be a hard no.

Leafysuburb · 03/12/2023 18:33

Ah no, what about a lovely Xmas dinner post meal dog walk!?

Just say there was no room at the dog inn but sil is welcome to take the garage.

MrsKwazi · 03/12/2023 18:33

I would not send my dog away but I would get your DH on side and let him handle it with his family.

ThreeB · 03/12/2023 18:34

Don't do it. I made a concession last year and sent my dogs to my Mums to facilitate a guest who was nervous. It was the last Christmas for one of them and I'll regret it for ever.

Wavyline · 03/12/2023 18:34

They need to book into somewhere nearby and visit you, instead of staying. This is really unreasonable, especially at this stage in proceedings.

CatOnTheLap · 03/12/2023 18:34

Flickersy · 03/12/2023 18:31

They stay in a nearby air BnB or hotel, come to you during the day, during which you can keep the dog to certain rooms.

It's daft to accept an invitation to stay at a house which has dogs if you're scared of dogs.

This.

WomenShouldStillWinWomensSports · 03/12/2023 18:35

YANBU they're batshit. If you were taking the dog to a third home e.g. your parents' house, I would agree with them that maybe you should leave the dog somewhere, but if they're staying with someone who has a dog they should put up and shut up (or spend out on somewhere to stay or stay with someone else who doesn't have a dog). Certainly it's their own problem to solve, not yours.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 03/12/2023 18:35

NO, your dog cannot stay at a friends' house for christmas, nor can he go to kennels.
( all decent kennels would be booked by now ! )

You could reassure him that you don't expect your dog to sleep with her :) and he won't be in the dining room during Christmas dinner ( not everyone likes pets around food when the humans are eating )

ilovesooty · 03/12/2023 18:35

They've always known about the dog. It's up to them to make alternative arrangements if they want to come.

Vet73 · 03/12/2023 18:36

Don’t send him away! Let them stay nearby but not with you

stepintochristmas1 · 03/12/2023 18:36

Absolutely not , none of my guest have ever asked me to move our dogs out . If someone wants to come and stay they accept us as we are , dogs and all .
It's really very cheeky to ask .
I really for you to be put in such a position .

RunningFromInsanity · 03/12/2023 18:37

When I visit relatives at Xmas, I put dog in kennels. But I wouldn’t if they were visiting me.
Plus it’s unlikely to be just one day, for a Xmas stay my dog has to go on Xmas eve and out on 27th. On Xmas rates, that’s blooming expensive.

LuvSmallDogs · 03/12/2023 18:37

If I were you, I'd offer to manage the situation at home by shutting the dog in a different room/using dog gates. I think it's very cheeky to try and get your host to go to the trouble and expense of boarding their dog somewhere at short notice.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 03/12/2023 18:38

I'd tell her to get fucked.

But if you want to be more diplomatic, tell them no-one has space this close to Christmas (sitters get booked for Christmas from July usually), and there's no one available to have the dog, so sorry, you tried, but there's nothing you can do 🤷‍♀️

Createausername1970 · 03/12/2023 18:39

I think that is a bit cheeky to be honest. If they had mentioned the problem before accepting the invite, then fair enough, but to accept and then ask you to make other arrangements for your dog is unreasonable.

If the people who would normally dog sit are at yours, then it's not going to be easy for you. Assuming that the rest of the family have no problems with the dog, then maybe one of them could have a word and reassure them that the dog is safe.

buckingmad · 03/12/2023 18:39

Don’t send dog away. It’s his home. I’d reply back saying you’re unable to send him away but you can put him in a different room for a bit.

Caravaggiouch · 03/12/2023 18:39

Don’t send the dog away. But don’t have the attitude that she’s put a downer on things if they choose to stay elsewhere, it’s perfectly fine for her not to want to stay in a house with a dog.

SamanthaVimes · 03/12/2023 18:40

Surely if it was that big a problem for them it would have been mentioned before they agreed to come to yours?
How ridiculous to agree to stay in a house that a dog lives in if you don’t like dogs!

I think you should let DH reply through, it’s his family.

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

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