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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 03/12/2023 19:01

Could you confine him to a room and baby gate him away , so sort of meeting half way

HoHoHoliday · 03/12/2023 19:01

My response would be "LOL, no, this is his home. We will keep the two of them apart."
When the time comes, there will be plenty of people ready to cuddle the dog and keep him distracted from the one who is wary of being near him.

Tulipvase · 03/12/2023 19:01

Is it possible to say that the dog will be able to spend some of the time in another room?

I have a dog and wouldn’t be putting her in kennels, even if you could find somewhere.

Neriah · 03/12/2023 19:02

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

I'm not one to elevate dogs but no, it isn't just a dog. This is the dogs home. Where it lives. Why should it have to leave its home because someone they have never actually met, and who hasn't even tried to deal with the dog, is "wary" without any reason? She's entitled to her concerns about dogs, and she's entitled to not have a dog in her own home. But she isn't entitled to expect other people to chuck their pet out of its home for her.

Bearbookagainandagain · 03/12/2023 19:02

I'm not comfortable around dogs and don't like being in the same house as one, but I would never ask this from a host! Could it be his idea rather than hers maybe?

If your dog is well trained (not jumping on guests, etc) then there is no issue I think. If you want her to feel more comfortable, you could consider leaving the dogs in a different room, or at list make sure she isn't alone with the dog during her stay.

ExtendingLead · 03/12/2023 19:02

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OhmygodDont · 03/12/2023 19:02

I think it’s perfectly fine to say the dog will be there but I’m also presuming the dog wouldn’t be in the bedrooms or floating around the dining table and food.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 03/12/2023 19:02

‘Unfortunately that wont work for us.’

done.

Original poster
Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 19:03

Thank you for the replies, I hadn’t thought of the option of them staying elsewhere and just visiting. I will discuss with DH and the reply can come from him!

He is not ‘just a dog’ to us, and it is his home, I won’t be sending him anywhere - not that there is anywhere he could realistically go as everyone is at ours and kennels are out of the question. I love Christmas with him, he has his own stocking and probably more presents than us 😂

Obviously I do want everyone to feel happy and have a good time, and not be worried that someone feels uncomfortable. He knows both sets of parents and my sister really well so between us all I am sure we can make sure he stays out of BIL’s gfs way. He will probably take himself off to chill once the greetings are out of the way. Obviously if they stay for 3 days as planned it’ll be a bit trickier so I’m definitely leaning towards the hope that they stay elsewhere and visit.

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 03/12/2023 19:04

As someone who detests dogs even I would say they are being unreasonable. It is your dog in your home.
If my partners family had a dog I just wouldn't go. Not ask them to rehome the dog for the evening/weekend.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 03/12/2023 19:04

Ponderingwindow · 03/12/2023 18:47

Your brother and his girlfriend should stay somewhere else. When they come to visit your home during the day, you should put the dog elsewhere.

Even if all your guests absolutely adore your dog, a chaotic house filled with people and Christmas frivolity is just a bad situation for a dog. The odds are too high that something will happen and your dog is the one who will suffer the consequences even though they just got scared or overwhelmed. Putting your dog in another room when you are distracted by your guests is being kind to your dog.

Bizarre post and I can’t help feeling that people like this are the ones who create problem dogs. We’ve had christmases with dogs for 30 years and nothing has ever “happened”. The only time I’ve ever seen any issues is when highly strung owners are constantly on edge and looking for a reaction from their dogs.

SaySomethingMan · 03/12/2023 19:04

GreekDogRescue · 03/12/2023 18:31

God that’s awful OP.
No way would I allow my dog to be sent away to boarding kennels due to some neurotic family member.
If one is lucky enough to be invited to stay with someone, take a ‘when in Rome’ approach.
Also boarding kennels are horrible bleak places. I work in rescue and behind the scenes some of these kennels don’t do half the things they say they do.

You’ve concluded the gf is neurotic because she’s scared of dogs. someone is coming across as neurotic on your post but it’s not the gf.

@CharityShopChic , them staying in a B&B sounds like a good compromise. Or they could skip christmas with DH’s family on christmas day and see them another day.
I wonder if he asked your DH and DH asked him to ask you?

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 19:05

Just say no, it is your dog's home. The cheek of them asking you to rehouse your pet because the gf doesn't like dogs. I'd reply with a list of nearby hotels

WhatInFreshHell · 03/12/2023 19:05

The dog doesn't understand Christmas though? How can you put an animal before a human? It's pure madness!

Outforlunchallday · 03/12/2023 19:05

They have always known about the dog. They can’t suddenly say they want you to get rid of it while they’re there. I would be so angry at the audacity of them.

gotomomo · 03/12/2023 19:06

Just say no but if they want to stay at a local hotel/airbnb you can shut ddog away during dinner

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 03/12/2023 19:06

Wary of dogs? Bollocks to that. Terrified and phobic would get some sympathy but they shouldn't have considered staying with you if that were the case. What a whiner.

Kittylala · 03/12/2023 19:06

Tell the gf not to worry about the dog and could they being a veggie dish or dessert with them? Dismis and move on. Don't give the house free rent in your head and don't let the drama take over.

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 19:07

WhatInFreshHell · 03/12/2023 19:05

The dog doesn't understand Christmas though? How can you put an animal before a human? It's pure madness!

The dog also wouldn't understand why it's being booted out of it's own home to accommodate unreasonable guests

Nicole1111 · 03/12/2023 19:07

I don’t think they get to dictate the terms of their stay, especially with this little notice. I’d also be worried about setting a precedent where your dog is always excluded from family events in the future to accommodate her. I’d aim for seeming reasonable while offering very little. Tell him your friends can’t help as it’s Christmas and he’s not been in kennels before and isn’t vaccinated for kennel cough so that’s not an option. Offer to put a stair gate on the kitchen though and say you’ll put the dog in there if his girlfriend is feeling uncomfortable. Hopefully once she sees how lovely your dog is she’ll be more receptive to spending time with the dog.

Neriah · 03/12/2023 19:07

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With comments of that kind, I'd place my dog over you every time. That was really uncalled for.

Loopytiles · 03/12/2023 19:08

Weird of BiL to message you and not DH, his brother. Also weird to have accepted the invitation to stay for 3 nights.

Agree with PPs: suggest they find local accommodation and offer to keep the dog in specific rooms for a visit on xmas day. If they then decide not to come, not your fault at all.

MaggieBroonofGlebeSt · 03/12/2023 19:08

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 19:07

The dog also wouldn't understand why it's being booted out of it's own home to accommodate unreasonable guests

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I would say no because it's your home and your rules. Christmas card addressed to a dog though 😆

RestingCatsArseFace · 03/12/2023 19:09

Dog should stay in his home. Visitors can stay elsewhere, another home or a B&B and visit. Or she could ake the effort and make friends with dog, in his own home, where he belongs, or get treatment. Or not come at all.

gotomomo · 03/12/2023 19:09

I'm wondering if he accepted the invite forgetting about the dog so is now in the metaphorical doghouse!