AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

For real, mate.

Whereas whenever I see a slightly unkempt / outdoorsy lady ambling towards me at the park with some scruffy pooch bouncing along on his lead beside her, I know I am going to have a lovely natter with a really nice human being.

I on the other hand find the 'fur-baby/my dog is a family member same as any other/kennels are akin to the Gulag' types I know tedious and lacking in perspective and occasionally quite batty. And I have a dog who is well cared for and of whom we are all fond. But he really is just a dog and I am.not his mother.

No way would I be putting our dog in a kennel just to suit her.

Maybe just put the dog in the other room while you are having dinner and get her to see the dog in small amounts of time so she can get used to your dog and she can see how lovely dogs can be. If they are not happy with this then they can pay for a hotel. Our dog is like my baby now that my son is a young adult and no way would she be going anywhere as I love her to bits and you cannot make unreasonable requests to someone who is having you in their home.
Let your husband deal with his own brother and girlfriend and it should be him who he contacts but he probably knows he will tell him no and maybe you are kinder but your little dog is your family and we used to have a boxer dog when I was a child and a family member also had one and they are lovely dogs. People are crazy to even ask you this.

Not at all. I would much prefer to hang out with them than the “my dog is as important as my kids” people

Well, my dog is my family member, and that has no bearing on how I act in other areas of my life.

I’ve put our dog in a kennel while nervous people were here-otherwise you end up moving the dog from room to room, leaving them outside or putting them on the lead and he loves the kennels he goes to. Plus your guest might make the dog nervous. (Which is fair enough, I’ve met a lot of dogs I’d be worried about spending a few hours with- your dog sounds lovely but to someone who doesn’t know them, they’re scary!!)

thetworonnies · Yesterday 11:39

Has anyone else noticed that most of the "humans over dogs, every time!" people don't actually sound like people you'd want to hang out with anyway, dog or not?

Yes, definitely. I've had 18 dogs, my close companions - never furbabies or substitute kids. They've spent hours and hours out in muddy fields in all weather's working their hearts out for me with huge enthusiasm because my hobbies have been agility, flyball, obedience, mantrailling etc.
Family and friends might have gone on a nice day for a short while to watch, but certainly never ever would support me as my dogs did and do - because that's the difference. Dogs are 100% co-operative with their handlers at all times once you've established the bond and understand the individual dog - they never ever let you down for any reason. In my experience I've never come across a human being that can live up to that.
I've had 18 dogs - I'm not their mummy, they are not furbabies or substitute children, totally with you there thetworonnies, but I chose to take them on (and exploit them for the work and pleasure they bring to me tbh) and their welfare is my total responsibility for life. My children are grown up - my current dog is the only other living thing I am 100% responsible for - of course she is more important to me than any person. I enjoy the company of friends and some family and would willingly help them, but morally I couldn't put that before my responsibilities to my dog and anything else that relied on me to survive
Most of the posters who would put the dog aside for people, no, I wouldn't want tO meet or spend time with - nor anyone else who doesn't take their responsibilities seriously whatever they take on and fulfil them 100%

We've not had a dog but with our cat my attitude was he lives here, you don't. If you don't like him you don't have to visit.

Indeed!!

I have zero interest in hanging out with anyone that doesn't like dogs, family or not. They just aren't "my" people

Luckily that's not an issue, my family and friends are fully integrated in to dog life.

Thankfully, you're in the minority. Dogs often give more and expect less than many people. A 'bloody' dog says it all. Sad for you 😢

It’s your dog’s home too, if they don’t like the fact that he lives there they can stay somewhere else.

Seems a rather narrow criteria by which to judge people. I wouldn't want to be around people who would be cruel to an animal obviously but otherwise, you might be missing out! And one of the most awful people I ever knew was a huge animal lover, volunteered with the RSPCA and all, just didnt mind treating her fellow humans dreadfully.

Has anyone else noticed that most of the "humans over dogs, every time!" people don't actually sound like people you'd want to hang out with anyway, dog or not

Has anyone else noticed how some dog owners always make this so personal?

It's interesting how people don't say "I could never be friends with someone who doesn't like kids".

Only dogs.

Not even cats.

Anyway, the OP sorted this issue out pages ago.

Only just caught up with this.

Let us know how she gets on with Buddy!

Oh completely. My son is phobic of dogs as he was chased and bitten by someone’s ‘lovely’ pet dog last summer. People don’t have to love dogs, and there are lots of reasons why they might choose to not be around them - how awful to judge that large section of society so dismissively.

YABVU Buddy should come to mine over Christmas (I may keep him forever actually!)

Your poor son, I hope he can get over it in time.

I wouldn't judge a whole section of society as I know there are very good reasons why people aren't animal lovers. However, anyone coming to my house knew I had a cat and if they weren't prepared for him to be there they didn't have to visit, I'd be happy to meet them elsewhere. If I shut him in the bedroom the carpet would be ripped up and I certainly wouldn't put him outside, especially in winter. Equally I wouldn't expect an animal to go elsewhere for me.

My house, my cat, their choice.

Um, no. But he does have a concept of being in a strange place, away from the family he loves and trusts to protect him.