AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

It is sad. So many people on MN prefer animals to humans and turn to their dogs rather than people for support. I stand by the fact that it is sad that this is the situation for many on this board.

I don't particularly like crying babies or badly-behaved toddlers.

But if I accepted an offer to stay at someone's house who possessed such items, I wouldn't ask them to put them in an orphanage for the week.

That's the dog's home. Be delighted, OP, that you have a great reason not to allow Ms Snooty and her bollock-less boyfriend stay. (He should never have made the request).

The girlf might not even be on the scene next year. She's really one step up from a stranger.

Agree with pp who says one Christmas will be your dog's last Christmas. Make sure he ALWAYS spent them with you.

@Yants Neurotic no. Anti-dog yes, I am not a fan in the slightest. I wouldn't want to stay in a house with a dog.

But I probably wouldn't go as far as asking for it to be sent elsewhere, I'd just refuse the invitation in the first place.

The only sadness is your total lack of understanding of the depth of the unique relationship between a dog and their human.

"oh no everything is now booked up and friends have other plans. What a shame".

They arent! They are loved parts of the household but they are not family members they are pets not people.

We all love our dogs but the comfort and well being of guests, particularly as the dh hasn't seen his db for years, comes first.

If the girlfriend was so scared of dogs she would have declined invitation months ago when invited. You can’t just accept and then 2 weeks before say get rid of dog.

Since they’re visiting your home and knew way in advance I’d say they’re unreasonable.

My little boy doesn’t like dogs (we’ve actually come a long way with him being able to be happily in their vicinity but he’s still not excited at the thought of them) and family members with dogs are respectful of his caution and always make sure dogs don’t jump up at him when we arrive (keeping them away initially if they need to calm down etc) but generally I see it as my responsibility to watch my son in their homes as we’ve chosen to visit them and it’s the dogs home as you say. If I felt it would be too much for him and the dogs I wouldn’t visit, nor would I expect them to exclude or distress their dogs for us in their homes.

I’d nicely say everyone you’d even consider asking is obviously unavailable this close to the date and that you can offer some reasonable compromises if they feel it will help but beyond that they’ll need to rethink their plans as you can’t just evaporate a dog for three days?

Why do you think its alright to kick a much loved family pet out of his own house? Yes family is important but nobody can show up to someone else's house and dictate who or what is there, it is so unbelievably rude to do that

No way would I put my dog in kennels, esp if he isn't used to it. I'd suggest they can stay at a hotel.

When I read the title I was expecting it to be your dog not being invited somewhere and I would have said "he won't know its christmas"... but no. You don't get to accept an invitation somewhere and ask them to removed their pets for days!
I'd help by looking for alternative accommodation for them as you'll know how easy places are to get to and from your house when public transport will be limited but no, you are not BU.

They stay in alternative accommodation — your parent's place, maybe — and visit you for from, say, midday to early evening. You walk the dog in the morning, put it in a bedroom or the car or wherever it's likely to be most comfortable, take it out for another walk later in the afternoon with anyone up for it, and wave goodbye to your dog-averse guest in the evening. The Australian GF is going to find life in the UK extremely challenging: there are dogs absolutely everywhere. She needs to take steps to get over her aversion.

If we are being picky about what is a family member then a brother in laws girlfriend is 100% not a family member.
She is not related to Op or her DH by blood or in law.

No way would I kennel my dogs over xmas.

Especially for a jumped up, entitled stranger who just happens to be shagging your bil.

If where you live is anywhere like around here, all the kennels will be booked up anyway - you always have to book well in advance.

As pps have said, let them stay at a hotel B&B locally. TBH I think it’s a cheek to expect your dog to be banished! We don’t have a dog any more, but I’d never have sent ours away for anybody. People who didn’t like dogs were always welcome to stay away!

As pps have said, let them stay at hotel or B&B locally.

A dd once brought a male student friend who didn’t like dogs, to stay. She only told me after he’d left what she’d said to him before he arrived: ‘You’ll have to pretend to like our dog or my mum’ll hate you.’ 😂

Absolutely no way would this happen in our house, our dogs are family and the gf knew you had a dog.

i have put mine into kennels before when my DB and his gf came to stay but she is severely allergic and had offered to stay in a hotel, not once did she make a fuss about the dogs but we chose to use the kennels (the same ones they go to when we go away) as letting someone suffer with allergies felt mean. If she had just been a bit wary the dogs would have stayed. Mine also aren’t in your face types, they love to say hello and have a fuss and then they settle down.

No chance. The boxer dog stays!

Your dog is part of your family so no way should you send them away. They will have to work out what they want to do.

And the irony is that you don't understand why people prefer their dogs.

'Yes family is important but nobody can show up to someone else's house and dictate who or what is there, it is so unbelievably rude to do that'

No one has shown up and dictated anything. The dhs db has requested the dog stay elsewhere. Sounds like the op will say no but what a shame when they haven't seen him for years.

I disagree, dogs become part of the family, more so than someone who they haven't seen for so long. And as for comfort of guests if you come to my home then you accept that is also the home of my dogs and cats. I can make accomodations , to keep them away from you in the house but I certainly would not send them away to strangers. For many people the love and companionship they get from their dog is what keeps them from being very lonely.

Not a chance I would kennel my dogs for a guest! They accepted your invitation to stay at yours knowing you had a dog then ask you to find and pay for a decent kennel with 14 days notice before Christmas?!
I'd be tempted to say that the local kennel was full and send them local Air BnB details should they wish to look into that option, but I'd imagine they would be full by now too.

@ExtendingLead

I value both animals and decent people. Sadly the number of decent people seems to be decreasing. Hence why I prefer animals to most people.

I rely on humans. My friends, family, counsellor. But these people aren't always here to give me a cuddle, or cheer me up by playing with me or being goofy, or get me out the house on a walk in the fresh air. My dog is here all the time because she lives with me. She always has time for me. She is not the only person I rely on but she is a 24/7 constant in the way humans aren't.

I don’t think it’s impossible they will be thinking that you have some close friends that are happy to have the dog etc.

but if you don’t, and even if you do, I think the answer should be a firm no.
tbh although i get dogs and dog ownership, before I had kids I was pretty clueless and thought somewhat naively that it was fairly straightforward to get rid of a child for a day or two should this ever be required. So they’re probably just a bit ignorant.

dog comes first anyway. See if you can suggest an air bnb for them and if practicable keep the dog away from SIL, but don’t keep the dog on her own all day either.

Don't lie and tell them you tried the kennels but they were full. Or else you will be stuck with the same request next year and potentially forevermore if Ms Cheeky-Fucker gets her shoes under the table with bollock-less BIL.

Tell them the truth (that's the dog is staying in his home) and deal with it once and for all.