AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

Ring - don't text - speak to the gf and tell her dog is family, and that they can't go anywhere else at this notice. ask what it is she is worried about and suggest reasonable things that would help.

And I'm sorry to the inevitable dog haters who will turn up but my dog is family to me - he will be with me on Christmas day not shut away - hut if he is a nuisance or if a visitor is petrified, I'll have him in a lead attached to me if needs be.

Aren't Boxer dogs really excitable? Our neighbours had one that jumped up at everyone and they used to put it in another room if I had to go round for any reason.

But I'd only be there a few minutes. Not sure putting a dog in another room is feasible for an entire day, never mind three days! Even if they stayed elsewhere and only came for lunch.

Nah.

Hotel/B&B for them if it’s a problem.

It should have been mentioned when plans were first made.

I wouldn’t pretend to see if there was space in kennels as then there’s an expectation that next time with more warning you could accommodate this request. I’d just say no.

This would be a hard no from me and I think it's very cheeky of them to ask tbh.

I can only assume (given that she's wary of dogs) that they have no idea of the practicalities, logistics and cost associated with 'sending your dog away'. Never mind the deep emotional attachment you have.

I'd have laughed out loud at their request!

I'm with you on this OP, I think it's a bit cheeky really. They're coming to YOUR home and the dog lives there. I'd never dream of asking someone to send their pet somewhere else because I was wary. They've had ages to mention that she is wary of dogs. To not cause friction, say there's literally nowhere that can have him. I used to to dog boarding at our home and was booked up to a year in advance. You would honestly genuinely struggle to find somewhere to take him at this point as places are always booked up over Christmas

No way would we send our dog away, she’s family. I think it’s very cheeky to even ask. Entitled, yep!

Agree

Don’t send the little love away! It’s his Christmas too and I doubt it’d be the same without him x

Dogs can be trained...

it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us

You do know that the dog doesn't know it's Christmas?

That aside, the girlfriend is changing the goalposts, given that she has known all along you have a dog and has never mentioned any problems, so you shouldn't have to accommodate that.

In any case, as PP say, you are unlikely to find anywhere nice that has vacancies.

I would do this for relatives you haven't seen for 10yrs if it made them relaxed and comfortable. I wouldn't if you saw them regularly but as a one off reunion after years yes I would.

Our dog is lovely, she is well cared for and loved but she isn't family she is our pet dog. People come first imo.

Op’s Christmas may well involve her dog eg nice walk on Christmas Day morning.
Other relatives may enjoy seeing the dog (my mum calls our dog her grandson)
Op won’t enjoy Christmas as she’s worried about dog.
BIL may have a new girlfriend next year.
I wouldn’t entertain it at all.

Their dog is their family.

There is no chance I'd be doing that. They can book a room somewhere, the cheeky fuckers.

No I fully agree, I am 100% team dog stays at home. I was replying to someone who said that the dog wouldnt understand that it's Christmas

Nope.

They don't take precedence over your dog (esp as he's not aggressive etc)

Nope. I’ve had all that nonsense before. From SIL “oh we are so looking forward to coming but, obviously, the dogs will have to be sent away because poor Hermione is just so terrified of them”
Me “oh, that’s a shame, you won’t be able to come then. We will miss you of course, but, the dogs live here and won’t be going anywhere” long pause and then of course, they came. And “Hermione” loved the dogs. It’s my bloody house. If you don’t want to visit it, then don’t. Honestly, I don’t particularly enjoy visiting Hermione in her home environment, where she’s spoiled and rude and it’s impossible to have an adult conversation within her whining and carrying on. Can’t imagine my asking she be “sent away” would be well received though!!

I'm properly scared of dogs. I've had therapy, hypnotherapy, nothing has worked. Not just 'wary'. Doesn't matter how cute, how small, how friendly, I cannot get past the fear.

But, even I think this is unreasonable of your BIL and his GF. I would have addressed the issue immediately and been super apologetic and asked if there's anyway we can work around it.

I would be hoping your answer would be the dog won't come to the door when we arrive and will be in a different room to me. And would be kept downstairs at night with no access to upstairs so I can feel safe going to the bathroom if needed.

I would feel awful about the whole thing as I hate having this fear, it's embarrassing, annoying and I wish so much that I didn't! I'd hate asking for a pet to be restricted in his own home and I wouldn't ever ask for him to be put in kennels.

I think if you can find a way to reassure her that the dog won't surprise her at any point, she won't be left alone with him, nor will he be allowed to wander up to her or under or around the table at meal times, that would be a reasonable compromise.

I have plenty of decent humans in my life, thank you. For various reasons I owe my dog my sanity.

Are you able to keep to dog in another room/ are they crate trained?

I am wary around dogs especially when I am in their territory. People make allowances for me to ensure that I am not in a room on my own with them and I only stay places where I am assured that the dog has good recall.

@Gensola @CharityShopChic

So you think it is OK for OP's family to come and stay as guests in her house and request that she puts her dog in kennels (which is bloomin expensive at the best of times). Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was a dog owner wanting to take their dog to stay at a relative's? They would be called seriously entitled. Same thing here. They are being unreasonable asking someone to send their dog away while they are staying as a guest. They know that OP has a dog, that isn't news to them so why oh why did they agree to stay there?

GF can't easily avoid dogs so she needs to get over this feeling . I definitely would not send my dog away , my own Xmas would be miserable without him .

The dog is their family too,

Sorry reading quickly.
I agree the dog doesn’t know but Op will.