AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

Absolutely fucking not!

Just reply that your dog will be there as it's their home. Bloody cheek of them.

I think if you accept an invitation to stay with someone who has a dog you can't suddenly expect the dog to go somewhere else.
It would be different if you were all meeting at a third person's home, your PIL's house for example. But if they are coming to your house they should have anticipated that the dog would be there.

Also, who would you get to look after him? My dog boarding service is booked up for Christmas 2024 already! Can't imagine any of your friends would be thrilled..."you're not invited for Christmas, but could you look after my dog for me?" seems cheeky 😂

Absolutely no way would I be sending my dog away anywhere to accommodate such cheeky fuckery.
If they don't want to stay they're free to pay over the odds for a hotel or BnB, but my dog is part of my family, this is her home and like hell would I be sending her off at Christmas, where would Santa paws know to go to????!!!!!

This is what Premier Inn is for. Tell your DH to tell his family that there are two options :
1, She stays at yours & puts up with the dog who lives there. It’s his home, too.

2, They stay at the local Premier Inn instead of at yours, & she spends however long she wants to at your, and the dog’s home.

I value my relationship with my dog over just about every human one. There’s no such thing as “just” a dog in this house.

Would be a no from me if someone requested this. I’d agree that I’d make sure I kept the dog away from the person who didn’t like dogs but they’ve been invited to spend Christmas at a household which includes a dog! They can’t then start to change that. They can stay somewhere else and visit in the day if that’s what they want to do but no way would I not spend Christmas with my dogs.

It let DH tell them that they are welcome to stay but the dog will not be going anywhere. What a cheek!

Perhaps they could stay at a local hotel if it's that much of a problem...

The dog is family.

Can you kennel the girlfriend?

Nope. It's your dogs' house. If they're uncomfortable they can stay elsewhere!

I don’t like dogs. I wouldn’t sign up for three nights with one.
Can they stay somewhere else? Not fair to move the dog…

dogs are family…..

I think the issue there is that most people value their relationship with their dog over their relationship with BIL's GF who they only see once a decade.

Tell them that won’t be happening. I would say that they need to book a hotel, and when they visit, you will keep the dog separate from her.

No is all the reply you need to send.

I left it too late to get my cats into any cattery near me. And that was early October!

Your brother and his girlfriend should stay somewhere else. When they come to visit your home during the day, you should put the dog elsewhere.

Even if all your guests absolutely adore your dog, a chaotic house filled with people and Christmas frivolity is just a bad situation for a dog. The odds are too high that something will happen and your dog is the one who will suffer the consequences even though they just got scared or overwhelmed. Putting your dog in another room when you are distracted by your guests is being kind to your dog.

This

This.

No dog is “just a dog”.

There is absolutely no way you should entertain your dog going anywhere. They need to stay elsewhere and if it cuts their visit short then nevermind.

Reasonable while they visit to limit contact, but if they don’t want to visit a dog household they don’t visit.

I do think reasonable to make sure there is some dog free space for guests though too. I remember staying with a friend (when I was young) that had a large GS that used to have to go on a chain in the garden as they had very low walls and he’d merrily bark at and chase anyone. I love dogs but I was always a bit wary of him. One night we came in pissed and somehow I woke up in the night to find said dog on the bed next to me, head on pillow. He gave me a faint grumble when I suggested he get out so in my pissed state I remember thinking I’ll just pretend he’s not there and I passed out. Friend was mortified the next day but I can imagine to someone scared of dogs that would be disastrous for family relations.

But the dog is your family!

Absolutely no way, what If something happened to your dog when it was being looked after elsewhere? Who would you be able to find now anyway?

Your house, your dog. I'd lie and say you tried but the kennels were full.

I really dislike dogs, but I think they're being unreasonable to ask this. They accepted the invitation knowing about the dog.

If you were taking the dog to someone else's house (like your in-laws'), then I'd be more sympathetic to them. But it's your house, your dog, and they shouldn't have accepted the invitation if it was an issue.

She’s still got 3 weeks to see a hypnotherapist to get her phobia sorted. Much cheaper than kennels, and solves the same thing happening if they visit again.