AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

Nope wouldn’t be happening they can find an air bnb and stay there and just come for part of the day. I would consider compromising by putting the dog in bother room for part of the time they are there but no more

I would be saying that your sorry that girlfriend feels this way but that the dog will ge staying at home for Christmas. If she's not happy, unfortunately she will have to find alternative accommodation.

I'm wary of dogs but I would never ever ask this of somebody.

I think get your dh to deal with it in terms of replying..maybe he can reassure his brother that your dog is well behaved and won't jump up at her or bother her in any way.

Yes this.
TBH I would be a bit distrustful of anywhere that still has Christmas vacancies. We managed to get signed up for a rover.com sitter that has 190 5 star reviews but that was only because he got a cancellation and was booked a couple of months ago.

They knew you have a dog, they should have said in the first place ‘we’ll book a B&B / stay with other friends/ family because SIL is scared of dogs’, which would have given you the option (though not obligation) to say the dog could stay elsewhere.

Your dog has presumably never bitten anyone, and doesn’t growl or snarl. She isn’t saying she is terrified or phobic, just ‘wary’.

I would reassure them that your dog will not bark at them or jump up and has never ever been aggressive, and say that it isn’t possible to farm the dog out over Christmas so you hope they will quickly realise he is gentle and well behaved.

There is absolutely no chance I would go to a house that has a dog for Christmas (and avoid visits to houses with dogs at the best of times) but the difference is I would graciously decline the invite in the first place rather than expect the host to go the effort and expense of getting them housed elsewhere

Yep this

Notice they didn’t offer to pay for said kennels or sitter.

MN cheeky fuckery at it's finest . Tell her no .

Absolutely not. If she doesn't want to stay at your house because of the dog or any other reason, that's absolutely fine. I'm allergic to cats but there is no chance I'd be asking someone to put their cat in the cattery so I could stay in their spare room.

Reply, "totally understand, dog's arent everyone's cup of tea so if you need to look for somewhere close by where Julia will feel more comfortable that's absolutely fine. Here's a few airbnb's to help kick off your search, and there's the Premier Inn just off the ring road in XX. Looking forward to seeing you"

Even if which 3 weeks before Xmas would be impossible to find.

Hah, no - visit me, visit my dog. She’s part of our family. Thankfully everyone in our family likes dogs.

To me the whole people are more important than dogs thing is missing the point.

If someone offers to host you for Christmas day you don't ask them to inconvenience themselves to that level - begging favours of friends or paying loads of money for kennels. That's really really rude. You graciously decline as a pp said.

I don’t even have a dog but think this is an unreasonable request!

Id get your husband to speak to his brother-not sure why he’s messaged you?! His family, his problem to solve. Say no, sorry-you won’t be doing this bug you understand if they’d rather not come/stay in a B+B.

An idiotic reply from someone who is probably just as neurotic and anti-dog as the batshit family member the OP is unfortunate enough to have.

When I read your titled, I (wrongly) assumed that you were visiting family, and wanted to take your dog with you. How wrong I was.

I wouldn’t boarding for my dog either, for a number of reasons. Firstly, it’s probably already all booked up, plus the cost.

Can they stay at dp’s parents and just come to you for the day?

Absolutely no. Your dog is part of your family. Mine hasn’t been in kennels. I’d hate Christmas Day without him.
I’d knock it on head immediately. Dog will be here, we understand if you and gf want to stay elsewhere.
If she visits then obviously she can stay away from dog.
Shes not your or dh’s family - she’s just a gf of your bil. Even if she was his sister though I wouldn’t entertain moving dog out, it would be impossible to get a sitter at this late stage anyway.

If I were you, I would actually ring around a few local boarding places and ask if they have availability, as I'm sure 99% won't. After contacting a few, you can then say to them that you're really sorry, but with such short notice there's no availablity at anywhere suitable, so nothing you can do. Say you can promise that the dog won't be a nuisance, and if the gf ends up feeling uncomfortable after they've arrived, you can put the dog in a seperate room for short periods but make it clear that it is the dogs home too, and it will be easier for everyone to keep some sort of normality for the dog, and if that means them getting a last minute b&b, then that will be easier than finding a last minute kennel space.

Sounds like they are making excuses there is no way that kennels won't be booked up by now

I don't actually mean to ring around hoping to find availability with the intention of using it, more to prove the point that there isn't, but at least it looks like you've "tried"

No WAY would I kennel my dog because three weeks before Christmas a family member springs it on us that his girlfriend is wary of dogs.

No.

Hard no.

I can't imagine putting a virtual stranger before a furry member of the family.

Can the CFs stay with other relatives?

YANBU, it's a cheeky fucker request, they shouldn't have accepted your hospitality if she's funny about dogs but they obviously don't want to pay for her own problem.
You won't find any kennels available at this time either so it's literally put of your hands.
The only accommodation I'd make for her is a safety gate on a designated room so the dog isn't free to roam during dinner.
They are so, so rude.

It isn’t the request that’s a downer, it’s the fact you have a dog and a (potential) guest who is wary of dogs. Whether they’d asked or not that tension would cause one of the scenarios in your OP.

I think suggesting an airbnb and then having the dog gated off when they visit is probably your best bet. You can’t, especially at just a few weeks notice, find somewhere else for him to stay over Christmas, for all the reasons you’ve stated (though the idea that it’s unfair on a dog over Christmas is a bit bizarre, the dog doesn’t know it’s Christmas and could be made an extra fuss of any time). And if the dog is there while they’re staying the GF is going to be on edge and it won’t be the visit you’d hoped for.

They’re being upfront with you, you need to be upfront with them. Don’t try and lay blame but do tell them what you can’t do and try and find a solution that works for everyone. (Well, actually, leave if to DH to do all this, his DB, after all).

Why didn't you just laugh and say obviously not?

100% no. I’d just say awfully sorry but you need to book a year in advance for dog sitters and kennels. Leave it at that. Even if I could, I wouldn’t and so cheeky to ask