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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
UnctuousUnicorns · 03/12/2023 10:31

CurlewKate · 03/12/2023 10:15

@Annoyedofnorfolk "My partner says he won't be bothered if I do"

Big of him. Why isn't he reporting?

I think OP means that the workmate won't be bothered, not her partner.

BrimfulOfMash · 03/12/2023 10:31

Oh FFS, what is the matter with these men?
Wolf whistling and shouting comments was outlawed by reputable construction companies, so they start this sort of ‘silent’ harassment of women.

So sorry this happened to you OP, very nasty.

Yes, report.

ClairDeLaLune · 03/12/2023 10:31

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

100% not. He threatened his own livelihood by his actions, it’s all on him.

Report report report. Bastard.

UnRavellingFast · 03/12/2023 10:32

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

He’s threatened her peace and privacy. Building companies are working very hard to counteract the reputation of bullying cat calling builders. They will take it seriously. Highly unlikely he’ll lose his job.

Muddybooties · 03/12/2023 10:32

Company and police.

lilyandrosa · 03/12/2023 10:32

I would report it definitely…but you have to be prepared for his company to do nothing but ‘tell him off’ and for him to feel like he’s got the upper hand again - what a dick!!

wineoclock90 · 03/12/2023 10:33

Definitely report. What an arsehole

fairydust11 · 03/12/2023 10:33

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

Well, he should’ve thought about that before trying to ridicule the op.

Although, he probably won’t lose his job, unfortunately. Unless he already has a few complaints on record.

TheaBrandt · 03/12/2023 10:33

Who cares about his livelihood 🙄. He should have thought of that before being a misogynistic bullying cock.

financialcareerstuff · 03/12/2023 10:33

I would like to know exactly what he said?

If it really is blatantly insulting and especially for concerning your body, I think you could make the privacy point about your photo being taken, but more importantly I'd highlight the sexism, misogyny, sexual harasssment and bullying. The company would probably be more concerned about this, and more likely to take action on this.

Loulou599 · 03/12/2023 10:34

I also find it very weird your partner has told you about this.
I would have expected him to get really angry with his colleague and sort it out himself, not come home and basically tell you "my colleague thought you looked like shit today so he has decided to humiliate you, isn't that terrible?"

bananablues · 03/12/2023 10:34

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie

Bit more to it. He took this photo to insult and humiliate the OP on social media. that was his choice and his decision.

The problem is men think this behaviour is acceptable as they never get called out for it. When they do, they have plenty to say and it is never their fault and there is never an apology. It happens everywhere, shops, pubs, women going out for a run, walk etc.

Mrgrinch · 03/12/2023 10:34

What are his circumstances? I know that shouldn't play a part but I couldn't feel good about potentially causing someone to lose their job this close to Christmas if they have a family to support.

It's not that he doesn't deserve it, he definitely does. But if there are children in the picture I'd need to think longer about my decision because they shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of their dad being an arsehole.

BrimfulOfMash · 03/12/2023 10:34

Companies clearly care about their reputation, the whole ‘Considerate Contractor’ thing is taken seriously during many procurement processes so I think they would need to know.

They won’t necessarily sack him, just make it clear through a disciplinary process what is not acceptable.

EasternStandard · 03/12/2023 10:36

Call the CCS below and they might advise on what the likely outcome would be and just talk you through options

ImTiredBoss · 03/12/2023 10:37

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

If he hadn't been a twat he wouldn't be facing the prospect of job loss now would he?

It's his own fucking fault. No sympathy at all for him.

And you've oversimplified the situation quite a bit, haven't you? He didn't just take a photo of op in a hoodie, he sent it to her dh with degrading insults attached to it.

If this had happened to you or your sister, child, mum, etc. I could bet my last penny that you would not be defending his behaviour.

Op, report this man, this is bullying and harassment. Whatever consequences he faces will be of his own doing.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 10:37

I don’t want to put what he said as it’s outing - it was nasty relating to me personally.

i was on public property but he wasn’t so I think he has to have permission from the landowner he took it from from what I can gather. I am also a resident of the are and the company are a member of a professional organisation so would likely do something - they have a code of conduct re behaviour in site.

It was Snapchat so no screenshot

OP posts:
ClairDeLaLune · 03/12/2023 10:38

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

You are massively missing the point here, what is wrong with you?

It’s not the taking of the photo that’s the main problem, it’s what he did with it. He’s a misogynistic bully.

If he does lose his job over it, he will have caused that, not the OP.

Paintballmaker · 03/12/2023 10:38

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

Would have agreed if he’d apologised when called out on his behaviour.

Screenshot and report, OP.

Ofcourseshecan · 03/12/2023 10:38

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 03/12/2023 10:23

To everyone semi defending this creep of a man...

Remember this sort of disgusting behaviour can escalate to more dangerous things. Wayne couzens used to send vile texts messages to his colleagues

Edited

Good point. This behaviour often escalates. If it’s not stamped on at an early stage, the offender feels safe in trying ever-more serious offences.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 10:39

It has just made me feel really upset all weekend, and that makes me annoyed with myself that an oik like that can ruin my weekend. My partner told me as he didn’t know who else he had sent it to and didn’t want someone else to tell me.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2023 10:39

If he'd apologised for being a twat I'd have left it at that but because he doubled down and defended his twattishness fuck yes I would complain.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 10:40

TheaBrandt · 03/12/2023 10:33

Who cares about his livelihood 🙄. He should have thought of that before being a misogynistic bullying cock.

Don't want to lose your job for being a bullying misogynist arsehole? don't be a bullying misogynist arsehole, then. Pretty easy, really.

Original poster
Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 10:41

This is what is stopping me - what if he has a family relying on him? Although I wouldn’t think he would get fired - perhaps have some “retraining” and made to apologise. I wouldn’t want anyone to get fired, but he obviously doesn’t see a problem with that behaviour so what else is he doing? Could be taking pics of teenage girls on their way to school as they walk right past this site.

OP posts:
Namechange4234 · 03/12/2023 10:41

So the man took the photo and messaged it to your partner and maybe others with a nasty and derogatory comment and when called out said it was a joke

I'd screen shot it and message

I'd go and talk to the man, with your partner and explain why it upset you and why its not funny

Depending on his response (ie if he continues to be a neanderthal bellend) I'd visit the CEO/Director AND I'd go to the Police (its abuse)

I would give the man the option to show compassion and understanding and if he does, I'd leave it there

If he doesnt I'd throw everything at him.