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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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Peablockfeathers · 03/12/2023 09:48

That is vile, one thing to take a photo and send it (which is creepy but as gets pointed out ad infinitum on here isn't illegal)- quite another to add such vile comments and send it to your partner. I would report him, it's good your partner is on board with that, he should also be looking to support you in reporting.

MirrorMirror1247 · 03/12/2023 09:48

If the company has a social media policy, he's very likely in breach of it. I'd go ahead and report it.

silvertoil · 03/12/2023 09:49

Horrible behaviour. I would keep the photo as a bargaining chip - if you ever do something like that again I will report to your company. Then you have some power.
Sympathy- remember this says far more about him than it does about you.

Balloonhearts · 03/12/2023 09:49

Oh I would. Drop him right in it. Use the phrase 'bringing the company into disrepute.' Serve him right the arrogant little prick.

MargotBamborough · 03/12/2023 09:49

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

Why? There are probably unemployed people out there who could do his job just as well and without bringing the company into disrepute and who aren't abusive arseholes.

Universalsnail · 03/12/2023 09:50

I would report to his work as it was on company time.

sugarandsweetener · 03/12/2023 09:50

but he didn’t post it on any social media site 😐

SweetFemaleAttitude · 03/12/2023 09:50

What did the photographer think would happen? That your partner would agree and think it’s funny? What did he hope to achieve?

Sou da like he wanted to humiliate the OP for no other reason than his own titillation.

What an absolute fucking knob.

I would report it. Prices of shit like this get away with it because nobody says anything to them.

It's not the OP's fault if he loses his job. It's completely on him.

I would definitely report it.

sugarandsweetener · 03/12/2023 09:51

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

@Outliers

your username is apt

would you say this to your daughter (if you have one)?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/12/2023 09:51

Do it, and if he whines say "Aw, it was just a JOKE! Can't you take a JOKE?"

lap90 · 03/12/2023 09:52

I would let your partner handle it tbh.

SpringingJoy · 03/12/2023 09:53

Couple of ponderings I have before I'd decide whether to report.

What social media? Private whatsapp is a bit different to a Facebook tag.
What did he say exactly? Is it at all possible it was actually meant as joke, like him saying you looked like a big Christmas pudding and you had a huge puffy coat on? Not excusing it at all but there are 1000 different comments he could have made.

Most importantly though - why on EARTH did he send it to your partner? And why did your partner tell you? I must be honest, what popped into my mind is the saying that when Person B tells you nasty gossip about yourself - you shouldn't ask why Person A made the comments but why they felt comfortable in saying them to Person B.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:53

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

its a hate crime. He thoroughly deserves to lose his job

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/12/2023 09:54

Unless this was somehow linked to his work I'd leave it. I would keep evidence he did it to me incase it happened again.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/12/2023 09:56

Do it

TheNorthWind · 03/12/2023 09:57

Your partner might have to be the one to handle it, since he was the one that received the photo and comment as a direct message.

Presumably it was meant to humiliate him. Which is workplace bullying and also very much a matter which should be referred to management. That's quite aside from being an odious, misogynistic little prick, which seems to be harder to write policy about, sadly.

35965a · 03/12/2023 09:58

100% tell his employer. Shouldn’t be bullying people at all let alone on company time

Mikimoto · 03/12/2023 09:59

So sorry about this horrible event but also so glad you have a partner who's got your back.
Grab a screenshot if it's on social media on a site that can be accessed by the public. If it's on a "closed" page with access restricted to contacts, it would be far harder to file any complaint. However, at least the company would know about it.

BabyYoshke · 03/12/2023 10:00

I think it’s up to your partner to report or not as it may impact his job. But I do sympathise. Some people are absolute dicks.

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 10:00

Not overreacting at all, this is misogyny and bullying of the worst kind. Don’t just write to his line manager cc HR and whoever is in charge.

It’s appalling behaviour - he’s clearly desperately unhappy, but turning that into spite directed at other people is unacceptable.

Mojolostforever · 03/12/2023 10:00

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:53

its a hate crime. He thoroughly deserves to lose his job

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No it isn't a hate crime. Sending a photo taken in public, to one other person on a WhatsApp message, isn't illegal.
It's pathetic but that's all. Not something to lose a job over. I doubt that most companies would care.

MargotBamborough · 03/12/2023 10:01

Mojolostforever · 03/12/2023 10:00

No it isn't a hate crime. Sending a photo taken in public, to one other person on a WhatsApp message, isn't illegal.
It's pathetic but that's all. Not something to lose a job over. I doubt that most companies would care.

Show quote history

They should care that their employees are behaving like this.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 10:04

Mojolostforever · 03/12/2023 10:00

No it isn't a hate crime. Sending a photo taken in public, to one other person on a WhatsApp message, isn't illegal.
It's pathetic but that's all. Not something to lose a job over. I doubt that most companies would care.

Show quote history

its not the photo, its the comment - and yes, it is a misogynistic hate crime - I reported a man to the police for making similar comments to me on the bus, they confirmed they were viewing it as a hate crime

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 03/12/2023 10:04

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

He's the one who has put his livelihood in jeopardy by being a nasty bully on company time.

Absolutely report it OP. Don't let him get away with it. How bloody nasty of him.

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