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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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5
PreesHeath · 03/12/2023 10:18

I would be furious if it were me, and even though it wasn’t my fault probably mortified too. It was a really shitty thing to do, he is a misogynist prick and you have every right to make that crystal clear to him.

I’d probably not go after him with his employer myself as I don’t like the idea of potentially jeopardising someone’s livelihood. But you certainly don’t owe him that consideration. What an arsehole.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 10:18

I hope you have emailed the firm now OP, please keep us updated on your response

Tessabelle74 · 03/12/2023 10:20

Just to be clear, you have no right to privacy in a public space so he did nothing wrong in taking the photo, that said, he then sent that picture and used it to bully and harass you so report him to his employer as like you say, that was done on company time. I hope things improve for you soon x

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 03/12/2023 10:20

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

Did you miss the part where he also wrote horrible things about her?

FlamingoQueen · 03/12/2023 10:20

Do it! Who knows who else he does this to and it should be stopped. If he was in a company vehicle then he deserves all he gets.

norma1980 · 03/12/2023 10:20

@AgnesX totally agree.

Plus the fact he didn't apologise and told you to get over yourself. So he knew exactly what he was doing and still thinks it is fine.

Older blokes used to touch up young girls at work (probably still do) and years ago we were told to treat it as a joke- Benny hill type stuff. Until we began to call this out and went to police and it was seen for what it was - assault

Ofcourseshecan · 03/12/2023 10:21

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:41

this can also be reported to the police as a misogynistic hate crime

Sadly, misogyny is one prejudice that doesn’t count as a hate crime.

There was a campaign to have women added to the list of people (gay, disabled, different races etc) whose abuse counted as a hate crime. But the government rejected it in 2022.

Kgha · 03/12/2023 10:22

Your husband should contact the company, a colleague is bullying him by taking pictures of you, on company time, with awful messages.

DonnaBanana · 03/12/2023 10:22

There is a line between immature humour and being malicious. Him sending that picture with a nasty comment is attacking both you and your partner really, it’s not funny. If he had done it and said something silly like “too lazy to walk your own dog mate?” then it would be immature but at least not vindictive to you. So yeah I’d report it

GRex · 03/12/2023 10:22

Legally he can photograph you. 3 clear areas of issue for him however.

  1. Sending nasty messages about you with a photo in order to upset your partner is workplace bullying, and his HR would be expected to deal with it.
  2. Check if the company are in the Considerate Constructors Scheme and reference in your email what steps they will take to remind employees of their obligations under this. Contact the scheme separately, they will ensure it is taken seriously.
  3. Random hate targeted at someone based on their protected characteristics is also a hate crime, police are likely to at the very least tell him to remove the image and behave himself.
GrumpyPanda · 03/12/2023 10:22

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

Yeah would be so mean to report a man because he took a photo expressly for the purpose of harassment of OP and/or her partner and then put it on social media as part of a misogynist hate posting. Poor little diddums. Didn't give a great deal of thought to the likelihood of inflicting deliberate harm in the Christmas period, did he?

OP absolutely report, stressing both harassment and bringing the company into disrepute. Glad to see the clarification on the legal angle by a pp. I'd been wondering about exactly that - just because it's OK to take pictures of strangers as part of street photography doesn't mean its automatically all right to take surreptitious pictures of an acquaintance with the express purpose of targeted individual harassment.

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 03/12/2023 10:23

To everyone semi defending this creep of a man...

Remember this sort of disgusting behaviour can escalate to more dangerous things. Wayne couzens used to send vile texts messages to his colleagues

HelenaCh9 · 03/12/2023 10:24

He’s probably the sort of person who takes pictures of attractive teenagers in shorts in summertime and shares them too. Gross.

The behaviour needs to be addressed. It’s unlikely he’ll get the sack, just a warning. But anyway……it would be his own fault if he did lose his livelihood, not the OP’s!

Chuckiee · 03/12/2023 10:24

I probably wouldn't report it to his work as I'd be anxious over possible repercussions for my DH. But, I think you should report it. He should not get away it. He should not have done it. It makes him look like a nasty moron and you look like someone minding their own business, walking their dog.

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 10:24

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

Don’t be silly - he isn’t going to get sacked. Firing someone is a long process.

He will get reprimanded for bullying though, which is important.

Tiredalwaystired · 03/12/2023 10:25

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:41

this can also be reported to the police as a misogynistic hate crime

The police don’t even deal with rape effectively. This won’t even get off the front desk.

GrumpyPanda · 03/12/2023 10:25

Haydenn · 03/12/2023 10:12

Why? If he had apologised it wouldn’t have gone any further. He has doubled down on this and it is not acceptable.

yes it is bullying the OP, but quite frankly it is also bullying her husband; and workplace bullying should never be tolerated

Show quote history

That's a really good point. Workplace bullying policies would be an excellent recourse here.

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 10:26

I would do it for sure.

Bunnycat101 · 03/12/2023 10:26

I think it would be better if your partner made a complaint rather than you. It feels predominately like a work matter to me (ie bullying) and inappropriate behaviour.

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 10:26

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

Don’t be silly - he isn’t going to get sacked. Firing someone is a long process.

He will get reprimanded for bullying though, which is important.

AnonyLonnymouse · 03/12/2023 10:27

A few years ago I was walking through a busy station where large redevelopment works were taking place. A workman walking towards me had a heavy piece of equipment on his shoulder, carried on a shoulder strap, and as he turned it swung wide and caught my upper arm, causing a bruise. It was summer so I was in short sleeves. I called out to him and he was completely unapologetic, basically telling me in a very unpleasant tone to look where I was going.

It was horrible, but I decided that I wasn’t going to just take it. Once I had got home it took me all of five minutes online to find an overall contact number for the station re-development, insist on being put through to a director (I think it might have been someone in charge of liaison with the public) and tell him what happened.

Obviously you never know what actually comes of these things but I was promised that they took this kind of thing very seriously and that the complaint would be put into all the foreman’s briefings the next morning. I was also sent a bouquet of flowers.

You should tackle it - you have been exposed and insulted both as a woman and as a member of the public. Go to the top of the company and speak to the most senior person you can.

I can’t believe that some people on this thread are asking you to ‘consider the job’ of a humble working man. 🙄If he is so concerned about his livelihood he shouldn’t be doing this kind of shitty behaviour.

Ofcourseshecan · 03/12/2023 10:27

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 10:04

its not the photo, its the comment - and yes, it is a misogynistic hate crime - I reported a man to the police for making similar comments to me on the bus, they confirmed they were viewing it as a hate crime

Show quote history

Some police forces, eg Nottinghamshire, are treating offences caused by misogyny as a hate crime. But there’s no law to enforce this nationally. Campaigners are still pushing it for it to be recognised by government as a hate crime.

SurelySmartie · 03/12/2023 10:30

Are there any examples of someone being prosecuted for photographing anyone in a public place for breach of privacy reasons?

There is no reasonable expectation of privacy in a public place. You don’t need consent to photograph anyone in a public place, including for journalistic or artistic purposes. The exceptions are if it’s for criminal or terrorist purposes.

Surely this is more about harassment? The photo was taken for the purpose of harassing both op and her partner.

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 10:30

@Annoyedofnorfolk Thinking about it, why has your partner even told you about this. He must've known it would be really upsetting and disconcerting for you.

If someone had called their partner a minger, most people wouldn't pass that on to their partner.

Devilsmommy · 03/12/2023 10:30

Zebrasinpyjamas · 03/12/2023 09:42

Its horrid vindictive behaviour to take the photo.

However if you were in a public place , I don't think legally you have had a breach of privacy. I think there is a good chance the employer won't do much and you will have a greater sense of anger if they gloat to you about getting away with it.

I would have thought the putting it online would be an issue? I don't know but it seems wrong if he's allowed to pull this shit without consequences