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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
dapsnotplimsolls · 05/12/2023 18:42

I really hope he gets a bollocking from a female boss.

HelenaCh9 · 05/12/2023 19:49

Good email !

alibongo5 · 05/12/2023 20:23

WhenLoveIsDone · 05/12/2023 12:13

For those saying it is just a laddish "prank", this incident has had an impact on my daily life - I have avoided that particular area and have walked around a longer route so that I don't have to go past it, I walked out of my door this morning and the first thing I did was look down there to see if there was a lorry there with my stomach churning. Those words are now in my head, and I feel literally sick that there is somebody who doesn't even know me who would do this, when I am simply going about my own business where I live. I have quite a lot of stress at the moment from one thing and another which I was managing, but this has just about tipped me over into feeling shaky and upset intermittently. Men simply don't understand the impact that this type of behaviour has on women.

You poor thing.

Your husband had no business helping this man's abuse reach your ears.

So you think it would have been better for this sort of thing to be being circulated without her knowledge? I would hate it if my husband knew somebody was saying things about me and I wasn't aware. This is patronising and reeks of "as long as the little lady isn't upset". The OP and her partner have been mature and balanced in their response.

ThePoshUns · 05/12/2023 21:11

Your email is perfect OP.
Measured and to the point.
You should be proud of yourself for taking a stance against this bully, I hope he gets his comeuppance.

Damnedidont · 05/12/2023 21:12

Well done OP.

NyanBinaryJohn · 05/12/2023 21:42

dapsnotplimsolls · 05/12/2023 18:42

I really hope he gets a bollocking from a female boss.

I hope he gets an almighty bollocking from a male boss because I imagine it will have more impact. We know he has no respect for women and will likely dismiss a bollocking by a woman as "hormonal nonsense".

cerisepanther73 · 05/12/2023 22:55

@cookie4640

i partially agree with your post in regards of your post,
the difference with me though, i would make sure i sent a personal message to a this Prick , Arsehole of man,
when i am in the middle of my periods, struggling to deal with stomach cramps feeling like shit, the bonus be i wouldn't hold back,
he would soon realise that he picked on the wrong person.

AdultLounge · 05/12/2023 23:03

Well done OP!! Great email.

porridgeisbae · 05/12/2023 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/12/2023 23:13

Fair play 👏👏👏

savethatkitty · 05/12/2023 23:17

Absolutely report him to his employer then tell him it was just a joke. See how he likes it.

flagonfull · 05/12/2023 23:28

What a piece of shit. Not really any point my commenting now after the event but well done for reporting him. Glad your husband didn’t try and minimise it as many would. Absolute creep, who else is he covertly photographing?
There are laws around harassment and stalking so worth keeping an eye on his behaviour and if it does escalate (hopefully not) then you will have reason to contact the police

DavesRaves · 05/12/2023 23:48

You say he doesn't know you, but he knows the dog.
Is your dog a unique one off? Five legs? Three ears? Flashing red nose?

Damnedidont · 06/12/2023 00:27

It would only need to be a Dalmatian, for example. Why are you being so hostile and obtuse?

NoChristmasBugs · 06/12/2023 07:49

Pinkiefinger · 05/12/2023 13:29

Taking photos in a public place isn't a crime. It's also not a crime to belittle someone's appearance to others despite it been a really awful thing to Do.

I'd just brush it under the carpet and ignore it I wouldn't be out to get him fired you have no idea his family and if losing his job would result in kids starving or going without.

And please don't let your partner get himself in to trouble by taking it on himself to punish you don't want him getting in to bother too

Sorry you’ve recognised your partner, that you also laughed when he sent this to you and you are no longer laughing now you are both panicking he might lose his job. That’s on him.
Inwould feel exactly the same If someone did th is to me. A friend of a friend did this on Facebook and tagged me in something. I ended the friendship as her partner laughed at it.

WTAF would it ever be ok to send a message that is abusive about someone’s wife to their partner?
I would also feel unsafe about walking in my local area.
Peopel who do this thing I public that they feel is acceptable so far worse in private.

Its on him, he is accountable solely for his actions and the consequences

NoChristmasBugs · 06/12/2023 07:50

WhenLoveIsDone · 05/12/2023 12:13

For those saying it is just a laddish "prank", this incident has had an impact on my daily life - I have avoided that particular area and have walked around a longer route so that I don't have to go past it, I walked out of my door this morning and the first thing I did was look down there to see if there was a lorry there with my stomach churning. Those words are now in my head, and I feel literally sick that there is somebody who doesn't even know me who would do this, when I am simply going about my own business where I live. I have quite a lot of stress at the moment from one thing and another which I was managing, but this has just about tipped me over into feeling shaky and upset intermittently. Men simply don't understand the impact that this type of behaviour has on women.

You poor thing.

Your husband had no business helping this man's abuse reach your ears.

Eh? My DH wouldn’t be able to not tell me/keep a secret without it me realising what was wrong

Peablockfeathers · 06/12/2023 08:04

I'd just brush it under the carpet and ignore it I wouldn't be out to get him fired you have no idea his family and if losing his job would result in kids starving or going without.

Well who's fault is that? I'd say the man who made an active decision to not only take the photo which is creepy (but yes not illegal as people constantly point out), but then to send it to his 'mate' along with misogynistic and purposefully hurtful words to humiliate OP rather than OP simply letting his employer know what he chose to do.

Silverstreaks · 06/12/2023 08:07

You did the right thing informing the company about one of their employees behaving appallingly.

Pinkiefinger · 06/12/2023 10:44

Excuse you what??? My husband is absolutely nothing like this how dare you assume he ism I just think people ne r a thicker skin and to not cry every single time something makes them feel sad.

Vile comment assuming my husband is this man

thetworonnies · 06/12/2023 10:49

The irony!

Myfabby · 06/12/2023 10:57

Pinkiefinger · 06/12/2023 10:44

Excuse you what??? My husband is absolutely nothing like this how dare you assume he ism I just think people ne r a thicker skin and to not cry every single time something makes them feel sad.

Vile comment assuming my husband is this man

but you're throwing all your toys out of a pram right now. Where's the thicker skin you prescribed?

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 06/12/2023 11:05

Pinkiefinger · 06/12/2023 10:44

Excuse you what??? My husband is absolutely nothing like this how dare you assume he ism I just think people ne r a thicker skin and to not cry every single time something makes them feel sad.

Vile comment assuming my husband is this man

Aw bless, you seem irrationally upset, maybe you should develop a thicker skin eh?

cerisepanther73 · 06/12/2023 11:11

@Annoyedofnorfolk

He's lucky that he didn't do this kind of thing to me,

as i would tell his manager in a letter or email about what he did to me photographing me in a creepy way and saying misogynistic remark,

then when he finds out its obviously me who has reported him,
i would tell him,
It's only a bit of bantz, banter that i reported you,
Whats wrong with you,
"Can't you see the funny side of that"

Makes me wonder if he can do something like that,@Annoyedofnorfolk

what else does he do or capable of doing in private?
if he finds a woman acctractive,
is he type of creep to sexual harrass abuse women in other ways too?,
i wouldn't be susprised if he could,
also be the type to take unhealthy interest in photos of children too,

To be honest i would even check on social media to see if he is on registered sex offenders list too.

If by any chance he is on it?
I would let everyone know about it in the community where i live and on social media too,

GrilledPineapple · 06/12/2023 11:11

Address your email to the company’s Data Protection Officer - the photo is your personal data (it identifies you) and was taken on work time, so even if taken on a personal device it is an invasion of your right to a private life. Add that you exercise your right to restriction under article 18 of the UK General Data Protection Regulation over its further use and wish to understand the next steps the company intends to take regarding their employee. Under UK data protection law the company has one month to respond to you and will be obliged to take it seriously. If you either don’t get a reply of remain dissatisfied with their response you have the right to complain to the Information Commissioner’s Office (ico.org.uk)

cerisepanther73 · 06/12/2023 11:20

@Annoyedofnorfolk

I would be tempted to get in touch with the police about this and say you felt harrassed by him,
mention isn't there new law about misogynistic sexist behaviour like this,

there's been posters about rausing awareness about misogynistic abusive behaviour in the UK recently,

Also whilst at the police station

mention you are concerned cause of this type of behaviour towards yourself,

could he be possibly be on sex offenders list
or and
be on the abusive behaviour Clare's registered list by any chance?