Page 26 | AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

Annoyedofnorfolk · 2023-12-03T09:38:31+00:00

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on! Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture. I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out. I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

cerisepanther73 · 06/12/2023 11:22

Oops typo mistake raising *

Panaa · 06/12/2023 12:36

Pinkiefinger · 06/12/2023 10:44

Excuse you what??? My husband is absolutely nothing like this how dare you assume he ism I just think people ne r a thicker skin and to not cry every single time something makes them feel sad.

Vile comment assuming my husband is this man

😂😂
So you're outraged that someone suggested this man might be your husband....even though he wasn't named or photographed. It was just a post on an anonymous internet forum

But other people such as the OP need a thicker skin even though she was photographed and degraded and the man deliberately went out of his way to upset or goad the husband?

IncompleteSenten · 06/12/2023 12:48

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 06/12/2023 11:05

Aw bless, you seem irrationally upset, maybe you should develop a thicker skin eh?

Show quote history

😂 was going to say the same.

BardRelic · 06/12/2023 14:22

Don't worry, @Pinkiefinger I'm sure it was just a joke.

balmysummerevening · 06/12/2023 22:29

Pinkiefinger · 06/12/2023 10:44

Excuse you what??? My husband is absolutely nothing like this how dare you assume he ism I just think people ne r a thicker skin and to not cry every single time something makes them feel sad.

Vile comment assuming my husband is this man

Omg it was just a JOKE! Why so sensitive? You need a thicker skin mate and not to whine and cry about strangers online. 😂🤣😆

MarvellousMonsters · 07/12/2023 08:08

It's completely legal to take a picture of anyone when they are out in public, with the exception of children. It's considered street photography. However I'd possibly let his firm know that he was using company time to bully you.

www.pauldavidsmith.co.uk/photographers-rights/#:~:text=Do%20I%20need%20permission%20to,public%20to%20obtain%20the%20photographs.

Lessboozy · 07/12/2023 08:18

MarvellousMonsters · 07/12/2023 08:08

It's completely legal to take a picture of anyone when they are out in public, with the exception of children. It's considered street photography. However I'd possibly let his firm know that he was using company time to bully you.

www.pauldavidsmith.co.uk/photographers-rights/#:~:text=Do%20I%20need%20permission%20to,public%20to%20obtain%20the%20photographs.

It's legal to take photos of children in public too. Maybe not advisable, but legal.

hjytrjulykuyh · 07/12/2023 09:03

Good for you OP!

Had something similar happen to me a few years back. I was at a red light when a van pulled up next to my car, the passengers opened up the side of the van and started yelling sexually explicit things at me, miming sex acts, and generally harassing me, I presume because I'm a woman. It would have been quite scary if there weren't so many other cars and people around and even so, I felt threatened, as well as uncomfortable and singled out. It was really vile, like a band of monkeys. As they pulled away I made a mental note of their employer (on the side of the van, morons) and numberplate and our location.

That evening I created a burner email with a fake name, googled the company and managed to find the email addresses of every higher-up in the company. Thankfully their website had a handy 'who are we' section, with everyone from the CEO to CFO to HR all the way down. I sent an email to every single one at the same time so nobody could spot it and delete and not pass it along, outlining what had happened, how I felt and what idiots they have working for them if they think it's acceptable to behave that way while in a company vehicle on work time.

I got an email back 20m later from the CEO saying they were appalled and were very sorry, stating that they'd identified the staff members on that van at that time and that all five of them had an extremely uncomfortable conversation waiting for them when they arrived at work the following morning.

I never opened that email account again as I wasn't interested in what happened from there on or any follow up, I just wanted to do my bit to stand up and say no, this isn't acceptable, you don't get to treat women minding their own business this way and get away with it. I honestly don't care what happened to them from that point on, not my business to handle, but I love to imagine how they felt the next morning when they arrived at work and were called into an office by their boss.

cerisepanther73 · 07/12/2023 09:57

@hjytrjulykuyh

I am so sorry to hear about what you experienced with these misogynistic Arseholes ,

i am delighted that you got in touch with all their "higher up" bosses of the company to tell them exactly the kind of shit you experienced from them ect,

really glad they had a bollocking at their work place for that,
i have experienced misogynistic abusive nastiness in my local pub down the rd from where i live,
from one particular guy with his friends,
and know how you felt,
most of the people at this pub are tidy decent people,
but it only takes one abusive Misogynistic Prick like that one,

I regret i didnt complain or something at that time, but felt i couldn't at that time in the Pub,😣

Codlingmoths · 07/12/2023 12:07

MarvellousMonsters · 07/12/2023 08:08

It's completely legal to take a picture of anyone when they are out in public, with the exception of children. It's considered street photography. However I'd possibly let his firm know that he was using company time to bully you.

www.pauldavidsmith.co.uk/photographers-rights/#:~:text=Do%20I%20need%20permission%20to,public%20to%20obtain%20the%20photographs.

It might be legal but his behaviour would be in breach of any employee code of conduct I’ve ever seen.

Lessboozy · 07/12/2023 13:28

Annoyedofnorfolk · 05/12/2023 11:50

There are several other sites in a short radius of that one, he wouldn't be sent 100s of miles away, neither have I asked for him to be sacked, I haven't threatened police, I have just stated facts and what I would like to see happen.

For those saying it is just a laddish "prank", this incident has had an impact on my daily life - I have avoided that particular area and have walked around a longer route so that I don't have to go past it, I walked out of my door this morning and the first thing I did was look down there to see if there was a lorry there with my stomach churning. Those words are now in my head, and I feel literally sick that there is somebody who doesn't even know me who would do this, when I am simply going about my own business where I live. I have quite a lot of stress at the moment from one thing and another which I was managing, but this has just about tipped me over into feeling shaky and upset intermittently. Men simply don't understand the impact that this type of behaviour has on women.

This is a anonymised summary of what I have written:

As well as being <partner>’s partner, I am a local resident. As such, I have the right to be able to go about my daily life around my neighbourhood without fear of being photographed without my knowledge or consent, insulted, degraded and not having my privacy invaded by a complete stranger. What I have experienced is targeted harassment and bullying by a man not known to me who is on the <company> clock and in an <company> vehicle - and is therefore representing your company. Furthermore, it is also harassment and bullying, not to mention goading, of <partner>, who has the right not to receive such messages from work colleagues relating to his private life, and to be put into such an awkward position in his workplace.

<photo creep> is very aware that this has upset me, instead he chose to describe it as “just a joke” – the go-to excuse for all bullies who have their behaviour called out. He had the opportunity then to apologise and chose not to, which left leaving a complaint as my only recourse. I would like <photo creep> to have it explained to him why this abusive and misogynistic behaviour towards women is unacceptable and not tolerated in this day and age, and to consider how he would feel if his wife or daughter was the target of such abuse. How many other female members of the public of any age is he covertly photographing, making comments on and distributing as there is a clear lack of boundaries and respect for women? Furthermore, I wish to request that this employee is no longer sent to work on this particular site, which is in very close proximity to where I live, as I will feel unsafe if he is there.

Edited

Great email OP. Even if, technically, anyone can be photographed in public, it doesn't require consent, his subsequent actions were way out of order and should be of concern to his company. Good to see they're taking it seriously.

Panaa · 07/12/2023 16:11

cerisepanther73 · 07/12/2023 09:57

@hjytrjulykuyh

I am so sorry to hear about what you experienced with these misogynistic Arseholes ,

i am delighted that you got in touch with all their "higher up" bosses of the company to tell them exactly the kind of shit you experienced from them ect,

really glad they had a bollocking at their work place for that,
i have experienced misogynistic abusive nastiness in my local pub down the rd from where i live,
from one particular guy with his friends,
and know how you felt,
most of the people at this pub are tidy decent people,
but it only takes one abusive Misogynistic Prick like that one,

I regret i didnt complain or something at that time, but felt i couldn't at that time in the Pub,😣

I once had an issue with a man in the pub trying to feel me up every time I walked up to the bar or to go to the bathroom.
I ended up shouting at him to stop touching me and that women should be free to walk around without being touched.
Everyone in the pub looked at me like I'd done something wrong 🙄He was a regular and all of his mates were too so I suppose they didn't care and they think that behaviour is fine 😤

cerisepanther73 · 07/12/2023 18:28

@Panaa
Sorry you've also experienced this kind of shit experience too,

I admire you having the cofindence to stand up for yourself like that,

I wish good men out there , would actively speak up more about Arseholes men like this, and say things like,
"what do you think you are doing acting like that"

Or
you need to have more respect or something along those lines etc,

It's only a few tidy good men who would speak out openly like this, and not worry about peer pressure of not joining in the sexist banter ect..

I can't stand misogynistic shitty men like that, 😡

the more i think about its encouraging me to want to do activistim around misogynistic behaviour attending protests etc...

NoChristmasBugs · 07/12/2023 22:38

Panaa · 06/12/2023 12:36

😂😂
So you're outraged that someone suggested this man might be your husband....even though he wasn't named or photographed. It was just a post on an anonymous internet forum

But other people such as the OP need a thicker skin even though she was photographed and degraded and the man deliberately went out of his way to upset or goad the husband?

Show quote history

I was going to say exactly what you said!
outraged we thought it was her husband, how vile we would think such a thing, but the female Op needs to ignore is as it’s just a poor man. Relearn your female conditioning.

CrashyTime · 08/12/2023 15:34

hjytrjulykuyh · 07/12/2023 09:03

Good for you OP!

Had something similar happen to me a few years back. I was at a red light when a van pulled up next to my car, the passengers opened up the side of the van and started yelling sexually explicit things at me, miming sex acts, and generally harassing me, I presume because I'm a woman. It would have been quite scary if there weren't so many other cars and people around and even so, I felt threatened, as well as uncomfortable and singled out. It was really vile, like a band of monkeys. As they pulled away I made a mental note of their employer (on the side of the van, morons) and numberplate and our location.

That evening I created a burner email with a fake name, googled the company and managed to find the email addresses of every higher-up in the company. Thankfully their website had a handy 'who are we' section, with everyone from the CEO to CFO to HR all the way down. I sent an email to every single one at the same time so nobody could spot it and delete and not pass it along, outlining what had happened, how I felt and what idiots they have working for them if they think it's acceptable to behave that way while in a company vehicle on work time.

I got an email back 20m later from the CEO saying they were appalled and were very sorry, stating that they'd identified the staff members on that van at that time and that all five of them had an extremely uncomfortable conversation waiting for them when they arrived at work the following morning.

I never opened that email account again as I wasn't interested in what happened from there on or any follow up, I just wanted to do my bit to stand up and say no, this isn't acceptable, you don't get to treat women minding their own business this way and get away with it. I honestly don't care what happened to them from that point on, not my business to handle, but I love to imagine how they felt the next morning when they arrived at work and were called into an office by their boss.

Nice move, couldn`t really have happened pre-internet, would have been easier then to shut down your complaint and make it disappear if all you had was a phone number to an office somewhere?

Original poster

Annoyedofnorfolk · 09/12/2023 10:58

So an update - of sorts.

I received a response via email - The “investigation” has been concluded and he has been moved to a different site, apparently he showed “remorse” and had been trying to phone my partner to apologise - my partner had received a text from him but this contained no text and just a screenshot of a message sent to him by my adult son telling him that he was a “nonce” (I didn’t know this had been sent, but my son knew what had happened so took it on himself to send this) so the message seemed more like he was complaining to my partner about being sent that message than apologising. Apparently he was also reminded of the standards of behaviour expected whilst on the clock.

My partner hasn’t been spoken to and says the situation at work remains awkward - I’m just going to forget about it now, if my partner isn’t happy he needs to take it up himself at work. An apology would have been nice, I suppose the company had already apologised on his behalf. My partner thinks that he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong by his “joke”. I just want to draw a line under the whole shitty situation.

OP posts:

Louise303 · 09/12/2023 11:04

So your son was annoyed and sent that message but it seems the man that shared your photo is acting a victim.

Original poster

Annoyedofnorfolk · 09/12/2023 11:14

Louise303 · 09/12/2023 11:04

So your son was annoyed and sent that message but it seems the man that shared your photo is acting a victim.

Yes, as if he hadn’t behaved the way he had my son would not have sent that message - there appears to be no insight or recognition as to why it’s caused upset - it’s more “poor me getting this grief because of a joke”. There was no text attached to his message with the screenshot - was going to text back that it was “obviously a joke” but decided ignoring is best.

OP posts:

porridgeisbae · 09/12/2023 18:43

Oh that's good that he's been moved to a new site @Annoyedofnorfolk so you don't have to worry about walking that way.

Your partner should block him, there's no advantage to him still hearing from him.

ThePoshUns · 09/12/2023 19:33

Thanks for the update OP and glad that it was taken seriously by your DHs company

Anisette · 10/12/2023 00:34

Congratulations on getting the company to take this seriously

Howver, in your shoes I'd be tempted to respond to them to point out that, contrary to what he claims, he hasn't tried to apologise to yo ur partner, and that in any event it is obviously you to whom he should be apologising.

ThisMamaNeedsSleep · 13/12/2023 11:21

Anisette · 10/12/2023 00:34

Congratulations on getting the company to take this seriously

Howver, in your shoes I'd be tempted to respond to them to point out that, contrary to what he claims, he hasn't tried to apologise to yo ur partner, and that in any event it is obviously you to whom he should be apologising.

This 🙌🏼