AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

[Annoyedofnorfolk]

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

any close family of his won’t be the least bit surprised by this news

is you partner senior same or junior to him?
how long has this cretin been employed at this company?

why on earth isn’t your partner pursuing this? “he’s not bothered” if you pursue is… pathetic

He’s one of those blokes who decides it’s a joke when he says awful things depending on the reaction of people he says it to.

Definitely report him. His company needs to know this to what he is doing in company time.

I don't think this will work unfortunately.
If he's as much of prick as he sounds he'll be a dick about it saying it's just "banter" and you should "man up and take a joke". Or something similar 🙄

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. People who publicly insult other people's appearance in are the lowest of the low IMO.

Definitely report. If he gets any repercussions it's his own stupid fault.

Hope you are ok x

Could be taking pics of teenage girls on their way to school as they walk right past this site.

This is a good thing to mention when you report @Annoyedofnorfolk .

I still think your partner shouldn'tve said anything as you would probably never have found out.

The thing is, you can think 'what if?' and tie yourself up in knots. He didn't bother about the effect on YOU, did he? if you were feeling a bit fragile mentally and this was the last straw, or if you had made yourself get outside and have that walk and you're now too scared to walk past where it happened, or the effect on your relationship - none of that bothered him. You are being generous enough to worry about the effect of a complaint on him when what he did showed no such consideration.

And as you say, what else is he doing?

So what if he has family relying on him.

I wouldn't want to rely on a nasty, spiteful bully of a man.

He can find another job.
He didn't think 'I shouldn't take a picture of her, what if she's going through something personal or having a tough day' he mocked you and berated you and spread it round to other people online.

Please report him to the work place! I would also maybe message a few others who had the picture sent to them, something along the lines of 'I know X sent you a picture of me, I'm just wondering if you know anyone else that received it?'

And screenshot their response if they confirm they had the picture sent to them. So there's a bit of proof. Or get your husband to do it.

Some people are such cunts, you can be a cunt back to them.

I don’t think you need to be worrying about his personal circumstances. Although that is very lovely of you.

He has harassed your partner and you. Focus on that.

Unwanted conduct is unlawful under the Equality Act if it is connected to a protected characteristic and has the purpose or effect of:

• violating your dignity, or
• creating an intimidating, hostile degrading, humiliating or offensive environment

I would report too, he was so out of order. I am really sorry this happened to you op.

How will you prove he’s sent anything?

Absolutely do this. The only thing that stopped women being routinely abused by builders on sites was people complaining which led to many companies treating it as a discipline issue. I'm sure the issue is far from solved but seems better than it was when I was younger.

Absolutely agree. You'd think it would be obvious wouldn't you but apparently women are supposed to protect men from the consequences of their actions.
Oooh think of his jooooob.
No. He should have thought of his job before he chose to behave in an unacceptable and unprofessional manner while doing it.

I've read that same bloody protect the menz bullshit on here so many times. Protect them from consequences so they can continue to bully and harass women and if they face consequences for bullying and harassing women then that's the woman's fault for making a fuss about it. She did that to him. She's responsible. She should have accepted the behaviour silently and protected and prioritised him.

Because does it really matter that much what he did, waah waah a Man may be held accountable, a MAN! won't someone please think of the menz?

The issue for me here is that he thinks its ok to take covert pictures of woman. so does he do this all the time? is he just building up to becoming someones stalker? i would contact the company, write formally to him to ask him to delete it and also contact the police. The message to him needs to be devoid of emotion, just a please take this down I find it offensive and nothing else. dont get involved in discussions etc just tell him to take it down or you will take it further. he has probably done this before and got away with it and unless you take a stand he will carry on.

Christ, I sometimes wonder if mumsnet is a parallel universe! Going to the police? I mean really! What exactly would the OP say to the police “a nasty man took a (legal) unflattering photo of me and made some nasty comments to others?” Coupled with the fact that due to it being on Snapchat there’s no evidence of this.

Equally, I sincerely doubt his employers will care as it’s not like he catcalled you or said anything directly to you - you found out because your parter decided to tell you.

What this man has done is horrible and I’m very sorry you’ve been upset by it, but let’s be clear it’s highly unlikely a crime has been committed and even if it has, there’s no evidence. Equally what he has done, whilst nasty is unlikely to be a disciplinary matter. I’m not saying this to be cruel but I think you need to be aware of this before you waste your time and energy perusing something which is very unlikely to get the outcome you want.

Your partner is a grade A asshole for not reading this bloke the riot act and for telling you. Is he always so spineless?

What a rancid little cunt.
Hope he becomes so fat he needs a crane to lift him, even if he only drinks water and eats an apple a day.
What a fucker.

One big lass to another, don't let this miserable little pleb ruin your confidence @Annoyedofnorfolk because what type of dull piece of shit with a happy life does this? X

Oh look, the MRAs have found the thread.

Where should we draw the line then? Should all bullies, racists, misogynists, and homophobes etc be given a free pass in the workplace because they might have a family relying on their income? Hell, maybe we should let off those who commit assaults, sexual misconduct and serious crimes as well.

What this man did was completely unacceptable. It's bullying and misogynistic behaviour which shouldn't be tolerated by any decent employer, nor by society generally. If it isn't reported then he will only continue to behave like that and you will almost certainly not be his only victim. Don't just do it for you, do it for everyone else as well.

If it makes you feel better, he probably won't get sacked, more likely a warning unless his jacket is already on a shaky peg. If he does get sacked though, that's a consequence of his own actions and his fault entirely, not yours.

It's not the OP threatening his job security, it's him. If he were worried about keeping his job, he'd act accordingly. The OP is free to pass her concerns onto the company and if they feel he's done the wrong thing, or if he's in breach of their policies, then he can face the consequences of his own actions.

If that’s aimed at me can you please back up your ridiculous comment?

To be clear, I think what this man has done is disgusting and I have personally previously called out people who make nasty comments about others on social media. I am not someone who stands by and ignores this type of shit happening BUT it is ridiculous to think this incident is going to result in prosecution or job loss.

Exactly. If he is confident enough to do this to you and your partner, who bit back!, then he has the confidence to do it to those much less vulnerable and he likely has form for this sort of nasty behaviour.

you might not be the only partner of a colleague he has done this to.

plus he was doing this in a works uniform/vehicle on works time.

at the very least the colleague needs a serious kick up the arse and bollocking training on the company social media policy and reminder of what constitutes harassment and bullying of works staff (and this would fit right there)

yes it is nasty thing for you to hear and see about yourself but in reality it isn’t about you. this was an attempt by this man to knock your DH down a peg and/or kill his confidence.

I agree going to the police feels too much, but if as you say the company won't do anything anyway then an email which will only take a few mins to send isn't an issue is it? OP should report, any consequences are down to him, he chose to take a photo, add some misogynistic and nasty text to go with it and then send it to OPs partner to humiliate her during work time. Disgusting.

It was sent on Snapchat - he could have sent it to any number of people.

God, what a nasty little shit. He definitely needs a rap on the knuckles for behaving like this.

What does it matter? Should we forgive a misogynistic bully because he had the chance to breed?

His financial responsibilities are not the OP’s problem. Anyway, he’s highly unlikely to lose his job over this unless it’s not his first transgression.

Equally what he has done, whilst nasty is unlikely to be a disciplinary matter. I’m not saying this to be cruel but I think you need to be aware of this before you waste your time and energy perusing something which is very unlikely to get the outcome you want

You have no way of knowing what a complaint is going to result in (and nor does OP) but as IMO this is highly unlikely to be the man's first offence it's a pattern that his employer may well be aware of and want concrete evidence about. Having worked with a serial harasser who everyone tried to ignore and work around it took just one new employee to make a robust complaint for HR to take it seriously and set the disciplinary wheels in motion, ending in a dismissal and successful defence of that dismissal at tribunal.