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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
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5
Mojolostforever · 03/12/2023 10:04

I've noticed that the OP said it was sent on 'social media.' I assumed Whatsapp but it might not have been.
In any case, why should his company do anything about it? It's vindictive to want someone to lose their job, even if they are idiots.

fairygalaxy · 03/12/2023 10:05

I'd report it as a member of the public.

What a shit head I hope he's sacked I don't care if its christmas

sugarandsweetener · 03/12/2023 10:05

Mojolostforever · 03/12/2023 10:04

I've noticed that the OP said it was sent on 'social media.' I assumed Whatsapp but it might not have been.
In any case, why should his company do anything about it? It's vindictive to want someone to lose their job, even if they are idiots.

so if your daughter came to you over this and was very upset… would you say this?

SurelySmartie · 03/12/2023 10:05

What he sent a picture of you and a nasty comment to your partner? Would he not be worried about how your partner might react? Quite strongly I would have thought, to put it mildly.

BarqsHasBite · 03/12/2023 10:07

I’m a lawyer with 15+ years of experience in privacy law and it can be a breach of civil law to take photos of someone in public. It depends on the circumstances and whether you can show you had a “reasonable expectation of privacy”, in this case an expectation that you would not be photographed without your knowledge and consent and that photo them share with your partner (and possibly others). I think you would certainly be able to argue that.

I’m not suggesting you should rush off and sue him, I agree you should complain to his employers. But I did want to correct the mistaken suggestion up thread that the fact you were in a public place means there is no breach of the law.

Finlesswonder · 03/12/2023 10:08

Yes definitely cause a man to lose his job over Christmas because he took a photo of your in a hoodie 🙄

VanityDiesHard · 03/12/2023 10:09

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

No, it really doesn't. Play stupid (vile, misogynistic, intrusive) games, win stupid prizes.

EasternStandard · 03/12/2023 10:10

You may want to go directly but in case it’s any help I noticed this scheme when passing a construction site. Loads of info on how to deal with this kind of thing as a member if the public. Meant to improve construction sites where typically they’ve been pretty bad

https://www.ccscheme.org.uk/

Home

The Scheme is a not-for-profit, independently managed organisation that supports and guides positive change in the construction industry.

https://www.ccscheme.org.uk/

WhenLoveIsDone · 03/12/2023 10:10

I cannot understand why your husband would show you. What a hurtful thing to do.

Haydenn · 03/12/2023 10:12

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

Why? If he had apologised it wouldn’t have gone any further. He has doubled down on this and it is not acceptable.

yes it is bullying the OP, but quite frankly it is also bullying her husband; and workplace bullying should never be tolerated

Newgirls · 03/12/2023 10:13

I agree you should email the company. He might be taking photos of other women too and they need to know.

im so glad your partner has your back here.

AgnesX · 03/12/2023 10:13

With actions come consequences. Maybe he shouldn't have been such a prick on company time.

SomeCatFromJapan · 03/12/2023 10:13

The taking a photo of you in public isn't against any law, however sending an unpleasant message to a colleague on company time would likely get him into lots of trouble if reported.
I honestly don't know what is wrong with some people.

BashfulClam · 03/12/2023 10:13

I would do he can double down about it being a joke to his employer. I had to make a complaint about the building site across the road and felt awful. One guy spoke in only obscenities and when I say ‘some’ he’d bellow them. There were kids out playing, I was on work calls etc. I did say I understand adults use obscene language but the volume of them is an issue. They apologised and said they would remind site staff to be respectful.

SomeCatFromJapan · 03/12/2023 10:14

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

That's on him - fuck around, find out (hopefully).

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/12/2023 10:14

the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out

"Only a joke" - the recognition cry of the bully. Report it, if they are a reputable company they'll take this seriously.

bananablues · 03/12/2023 10:15

he person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself".

This is because he knows he has gone too far and is now doing damage limitation, hoping to minimise his actions so you do nothing/

Report to the company...

pointythings · 03/12/2023 10:15

If this 'man' loses his job, maybe he will learn that doing misogynist shitty things has consequences. I have zero sympathy for anyone who does this kind of stuff. OP should definitely write a chilly, polite email to the company setting out what happened and that it was done on work time. Companies don't like having their reputation cast into doubt so let's hope they will come down like a tonne of bricks.

randomuser2020 · 03/12/2023 10:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

CurlewKate · 03/12/2023 10:15

@Annoyedofnorfolk "My partner says he won't be bothered if I do"

Big of him. Why isn't he reporting?

IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 03/12/2023 10:16

You should definitely report him. Why hasn’t your partner reported him? This is not just a case of high jinx, this is a man using his work time to take pictures of random women he doesn’t know and sending them round to his work colleagues with nasty misogynistic Comments, and it’s even worse if he knew who you were because then it’s targeted and you were going to find out. This won’t be the only occasion where he’s done this, similar or worse. I’m amazed your partner isn’t gunning for him.

Nowherenew · 03/12/2023 10:17

If he had just taken the photo then I’d be annoyed but drop it.

But because he was chatting shit too then I’d 100% report.

I would want the employer to give him a warning about proper behaviour.

He needs to be taught that this is completely wrong and he will be pulled up on it.

Maaate · 03/12/2023 10:17
Learn Find Out GIF

.

ANightingale · 03/12/2023 10:17

CurlewKate · 03/12/2023 10:15

@Annoyedofnorfolk "My partner says he won't be bothered if I do"

Big of him. Why isn't he reporting?

This.

Nowherenew · 03/12/2023 10:18

I bet he’s done this to other people too.

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