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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

647 replies

Annoyedofnorfolk · 03/12/2023 09:38

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
LuluBlakey1 · 04/12/2023 21:58

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 20:35

Have you eavesdropped on any hen nights recently, what is the term for the shite they talk? The problem with the Rabbit Hole that we are in at the moment regarding how people talk about each other is that everyone gets pulled down and everyone is going to be dirty at some point or another.

Show quote history

I don't have friends who do that.

JoBrodie · 04/12/2023 22:00

Well done OP. If it had happened to me I'd certainly have spoken to the Police too, I've no idea if it would meet their threshold for recording the information to keep on file though.

Taking a picture in public is fine, but he's linked it to other identifying data about you (who you are, where you were, at what time), made you feel unsafe where you live and also sent more than one unpleasant communication about you, while at work. Not exactly employee of the month.

Jo

helpplease01 · 04/12/2023 22:15

Email company
complain to police, get a case number.
reply to the dickhead your self informing him of where you intend to take this.
stand up to him.
he’s gaslighting you and your partner.
this has to be stamped out
hes a bully
fight back. With both barrels

SharSharBinks · 04/12/2023 22:17

mummymeister · 04/12/2023 09:18

To all those posters saying not to contact the Police or they wont be interested etc you have completely failed to understand how the Police work. They will log this incident against this man. they may take no action and you might not hear anything ever again. But it will have been logged. and just think if in the future he does become a stalker or over step the mark to an even greater extent? Your report is evidence. they will use it to show that his behaviour wasnt a one off but sustained over a number of years and increasing in its intensity. Thats why the Police ask for things to be reported. it builds a profile and a case. if he does nothing else in the future then it just sits there. but if he does it really helps to show prolonged behaviour. this is why its so important to report things that others on here say are trivial or whatever. yes on its own it might be but taken with 50 other incidences?

Tbf, you have a point here, even if I think it's unlikely it was more than a grim/inappropriate windup.

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 22:25

Regarding the hen party/nurses’ comments - luckily we don’t all believe it’s a race to the bottom @CrashyTime. I wonder if you’re a bot/using AI. The slips into different font is strange.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 22:35

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 22:25

Regarding the hen party/nurses’ comments - luckily we don’t all believe it’s a race to the bottom @CrashyTime. I wonder if you’re a bot/using AI. The slips into different font is strange.

"I wonder if you’re a bot/using AI"

And on that bizarre observation that is me out of a frankly very weird thread.

Smugglerstop · 04/12/2023 22:39

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

You are kidding right?

Desmonda · 04/12/2023 22:39

Am I right to think my 21yo daughter selfish

21yo daughter stays away for uni. Came home this weekend. Asked her if she had 10 spare minutes to do a quick hoover for me (for context just had abdominal surgery so was unable to do it myself). Declined. Said she was too busy / tired. Then spent most of day lazing about. Asked her 2 more times and same reply, still too tired. Fast forward 2 days, I had prepped and cooked 3/4 of dinner. She appeared downstairs ( had been doin uni essay) and I was lying down on couch as had done a bit too much. Asked her if she could put chicken breasts on a tray in tinfoil and stick them in oven for me. Yet again declined, said she was too tired. Me and DH run after her hand and foot, we drive her to uni accomodation a lot of the time rather than letting her use public transport. She goes between here and there and leaves her bedroom a disgrace here and very regularly lives in a very untidy flat. I’ve come to realise we’ve just been enabling her. I’ve always supported her as understand uni is very challenging but feel that on this very one occasion when I am post-op recovering and needed her help that she was just selfish and only interested in justifying her selfish actions by moaning about how hard life has been for her doing uni and working 1 day at the weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to think she is selfish ..?

IncompleteSenten · 04/12/2023 22:42

She is, but you are allowing it. Stop running round after her. Do nothing and tell her that she gets no more than she gives.

OutOfSyncWithReality · 04/12/2023 22:50

I used to walk my dog in leggings and a hoodie and if some knob had photographed me and made shitty comments I would feel exactly the same way you do. Women don't walk around to be eye fodder for men, judged by how we look. Well done for reporting him and I am glad the company are taking it seriously. Don't let his odious attitude affect your self-esteem - he's the one with the problem not you.

Owl55 · 04/12/2023 22:55

What a strange thing for him to have done! Does he dislike your partner and trying to wind him/ her up?

cookie4640 · 04/12/2023 23:06

Looking at the bigger picture if this guy loses his job because of your complaint then a whole other chain of events could unfold. I’d chalk it down to him being a bell end, shrug it off and perhaps send him a personal message. But that would also depend on The time of the month for me too so today day I’m chilled but last week I might not have been!

Weddingblues23 · 04/12/2023 23:11

RedGreenYellowSchmellow · 04/12/2023 21:06

Well done op for standing up for yourself and future women against this bully. Please update us. I'd even go further and report for harassment and take him to court.

He was a dick, but there's no way in hell that would get to court, that's just absurd.

MargotBamborough · 04/12/2023 23:13

cookie4640 · 04/12/2023 23:06

Looking at the bigger picture if this guy loses his job because of your complaint then a whole other chain of events could unfold. I’d chalk it down to him being a bell end, shrug it off and perhaps send him a personal message. But that would also depend on The time of the month for me too so today day I’m chilled but last week I might not have been!

Look at it this way. If this guy loses his job because of the OP's complaint then a whole lot of harassment of other women could NOT unfold.

LittleMissSunshiner · 05/12/2023 00:38

Thanks for the updates OP.

There's some strange people on this thread.

I'm glad you've got a husband who came and told you the truth about what was bothering him as opposed to a bloke who decided to 'sort it out' in the background (macho posturing and secrecy).

It speaks to the level of trust, honesty, and intimacy in your relationship that you and he were able to discuss this and I can only aspire to one day have a relationship of that quality.

I imagine it's going to take some time before you feel fully at ease just leaving your home in any context with the shadow of this hanging over you. I believe you've taken the right course of action and totally support you. I hope for your own sake that you don't 'hold on' to this horrible event as it's a genuinely traumatic situation but one that's soonest forgotten when the appropriate action has been taken so you won't feel edgy leaving your own home.

RealBigBarbie · 05/12/2023 00:46

I definitely understand complaining but wanting them to move him to a different site is a bit much really. He’s an arse and I don’t see why he even thought to slag you off to your partner. Weird really

RantyAnty · 05/12/2023 01:00

Well done on speaking up.

You've helped many women.

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/12/2023 03:57

Outliers · 03/12/2023 09:45

Threatening his livelihood (I.e. job security) in this current climate seems like a disproportionate escalation.

If he didn't do it in the first place then he wouldn't have to worry about it?! If he goes about doing things like this he has to accept there may be consequences, he is an adult at the end of the day and should know better...

MargotBamborough · 05/12/2023 06:41

RealBigBarbie · 05/12/2023 00:46

I definitely understand complaining but wanting them to move him to a different site is a bit much really. He’s an arse and I don’t see why he even thought to slag you off to your partner. Weird really

Seriously? She should feel able to go about her daily life in the neighbourhood where she lives without fear of harassment and abuse.

FinallyFinalGirl · 05/12/2023 06:48

cookie4640 · 04/12/2023 23:06

Looking at the bigger picture if this guy loses his job because of your complaint then a whole other chain of events could unfold. I’d chalk it down to him being a bell end, shrug it off and perhaps send him a personal message. But that would also depend on The time of the month for me too so today day I’m chilled but last week I might not have been!

She owes him nothing. Men will never stop their harassment of women and girls until they are MADE to stop and I wish people would stop giving their sympathy to these thugs. Actions have consequences. Children know that but men don't? Please.

Motnight · 05/12/2023 07:01

cookie4640 · 04/12/2023 23:06

Looking at the bigger picture if this guy loses his job because of your complaint then a whole other chain of events could unfold. I’d chalk it down to him being a bell end, shrug it off and perhaps send him a personal message. But that would also depend on The time of the month for me too so today day I’m chilled but last week I might not have been!

Yep. That he is responsible for.

Desolatewardrobe · 05/12/2023 07:16

I am so depressed by all the posts on here excusing/minimising this man’s behaviour and blaming the OP for her own entirely reasonable reaction.

Actions have consequences. At least they should do, and if they did more often, it might make for better behaviour.

TheaBrandt · 05/12/2023 07:27

I would understand their view if someone had made an honest mistake or had a moment of madness. This cock has gone to some effort to be a misogynistic bully and deserves everything he gets.

bemusedmoose · 05/12/2023 08:23

What a little shit! Absolutely report him. 'it's a joke' or 'just banter' is always the line for 'ive been caught being an arsehole and now im blaming you for calling me out'. It's not like you know him and could even be a joke, it's just plain shitty.

He has basically posted a member if the general public on social media and slagged them off on company time so absolutely needs company kick in the balls. It's not ok. I throw on any old crap to walk my dogs especially in winter when it's wet and muddy, dont care wtf i look like but also would be fuming someone posted a pic of me slagging me off because it's none of their damn business!

Bust his balls xxx

Bertiesmum3 · 05/12/2023 08:28

Yalta · 03/12/2023 12:13

I think that him ignoring your message and replying to your dh would have me enraged even more than the photo and comment

Definite misogyny that he can’t even stoop to reply to you and expects your dh to “sort it out”

He called you “It”

I would want his balls hanging from the company hoarding as a Christmas Decoration for that

I didn’t take it as calling her “it”
im sure he meant the situation!