Page 21 | AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

Annoyedofnorfolk · 2023-12-03T09:38:31+00:00

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on! Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture. I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out. I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

Louise303 · 04/12/2023 20:53

What a weirdo report him.

leamington66 · 04/12/2023 20:54

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 20:45

If taken on their own personal phone the company doesnt have the right to demand to investigate that phone, only the police/courts could do that, and it would be for serious crime not absolute nonsense between individuals that are known to each other, the company might say "stop using your phone on our time (if we could even prove that you used your phone which we cant because we cant legally access your phone!)" and the threat of sanction might get the individual to think twice next time, but obviously he is from the school of thinking that thinks saying "Hey, your Missus looks fat today mate!" is funny, why waste energy on this kind of bollocks? the guy is obviously just another tool who doesnt have much self awareness or care for other people`s feelings.

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Correct provided it was a personal phone and up until it was shared when at work.
The individual appears to have been at work and was able to take the photo as they were working.
It was very uncaring but the employer will have a long list of concerns.

porridgeisbae · 04/12/2023 20:56

@Annoyedofnorfolk Well done, glad they're treating you ok.

FourteenTog · 04/12/2023 20:58

This has turned into a troll thread of possibly unemployed young men waiting for surrendered wives and sitting on dodgy hard drives, or something.

Well done to OP for solidly doing the right thing that will elevate standards of behaviour. Personally I'd support logging with 101, just so if anybody else reports the man for similar or worse, they'll have credibility as he won't be a 'good man' who's 'never done this kind of thing'. But that's not OP's responsibility. Hope you have some peace and enjoyment in daily life going forward, OP and all of goodwill!

roarrfeckingroar · 04/12/2023 21:00

The guy's a dick but I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill and it's ridiculous to involve his employer because he hurt your feelings,

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 21:05

FourteenTog · 04/12/2023 20:58

This has turned into a troll thread of possibly unemployed young men waiting for surrendered wives and sitting on dodgy hard drives, or something.

Well done to OP for solidly doing the right thing that will elevate standards of behaviour. Personally I'd support logging with 101, just so if anybody else reports the man for similar or worse, they'll have credibility as he won't be a 'good man' who's 'never done this kind of thing'. But that's not OP's responsibility. Hope you have some peace and enjoyment in daily life going forward, OP and all of goodwill!

"Personally I'd support logging with 101"

There might be the possibility of a caution for wasting police time and resources if you did that so I would put this comment high on the list of things NOT to do.

LuluBlakey1 · 04/12/2023 21:05

roarrfeckingroar · 04/12/2023 21:00

The guy's a dick but I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill and it's ridiculous to involve his employer because he hurt your feelings,

No she isn't. He is photographing a passing woman whilst he is at work to use the photo to make sexist, disparaging remarks about her. He deserves any sanction they throw at him. He wasn't even concerned by her feelings. He thinks he can do as he likes- well he can't. In some occupations this would be a sackable offence. He needs to understand that.

RedGreenYellowSchmellow · 04/12/2023 21:06

Well done op for standing up for yourself and future women against this bully. Please update us. I'd even go further and report for harassment and take him to court.

Londonrach1 · 04/12/2023 21:07

Report the bully.

FinallyFinalGirl · 04/12/2023 21:11

Good for you, OP. Men like this make the world a horrible, hostile place for women and girls. They're utterly execrable and they deserve everything coming to them so well done on reporting this particular bag of shit. You might just have saved another woman or girl a lot of trauma.

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 21:13

Also the guy is working a few doors down from her house. Even more unacceptable that she is now feeling self conscious and worried about going out . Who are the misogyny apologists on this thread?! Daily Mail readers/Farage supporters? Strange. Be reassured OP that all decent people would think this was horrible.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 21:13

leamington66 · 04/12/2023 20:54

Correct provided it was a personal phone and up until it was shared when at work.
The individual appears to have been at work and was able to take the photo as they were working.
It was very uncaring but the employer will have a long list of concerns.

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So you are saying that the company will look at the time stamp of when it was posted on social media and decide if that was work time or not? What happens if he was on an unpaid break at the time? In this situation I dont think it will be covered by an actual company "policy", it might depend on the mindset of the particular manager hearing the complaint for whether they take it further, and in this climate I think most managers at building companies will be more concerned with their own future job prospects than dealing with total nonsense on phones between employees, the OP needs to stop putting their self-worth at the mercy of other peoples opinions/jokes IMO, if it makes the OP feel better they should call this guy out in front of people on the site and ask him directly if he is a dick by nature or just not too bright, don`t get too aggressive though or he might phone the police, film the arrest and have another laugh at your expense.

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 21:15

@CrashyTime your post is almost unintelligible. You seem to live in a strange world of misogyny and weird fonts…

ThisMamaNeedsSleep · 04/12/2023 21:18

Having recognised the dog I don’t understand why he would message your partner a disparaging comment about your appearance. Did he think your partner would laugh!? Or is he trying to bully your partner?
No question in my mind, write the email and make the complaint. He was well out of order, no excuse for it. And any repercussions are his own fault, not yours. You have nothing to feel guilty about here.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 21:18

RedGreenYellowSchmellow · 04/12/2023 21:06

Well done op for standing up for yourself and future women against this bully. Please update us. I'd even go further and report for harassment and take him to court.

That would be a massive waste of energy and time, just get over the idea that someone else creates your self-worth IMO.

leamington66 · 04/12/2023 21:20

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 21:13

So you are saying that the company will look at the time stamp of when it was posted on social media and decide if that was work time or not? What happens if he was on an unpaid break at the time? In this situation I dont think it will be covered by an actual company "policy", it might depend on the mindset of the particular manager hearing the complaint for whether they take it further, and in this climate I think most managers at building companies will be more concerned with their own future job prospects than dealing with total nonsense on phones between employees, the OP needs to stop putting their self-worth at the mercy of other peoples opinions/jokes IMO, if it makes the OP feel better they should call this guy out in front of people on the site and ask him directly if he is a dick by nature or just not too bright, don`t get too aggressive though or he might phone the police, film the arrest and have another laugh at your expense.

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Irrelevant if they are on a break or not. If the photo was taken while at work - eg on a building site then it’s an issue for the employer.
there may also be work policies and none will say it’s ok to take photos or a private individual, share them and make derogatory comments.
I suspect the employer will take this seriously and a lot will depend on how far the photo was shared and the comments made.
The employee could refuse to share what they did but that will likely go one way given the evidence is already there.
this is a shocking thing for someone to do and the employer should take action to protect their own good name and prevent any vicarious liability

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 21:23

@CrashyTime its not about self worth. It’s just how bloody dare he comment on her appearance in that derogatory way. And when he was at work. It wouldn’t affect my self worth, but it would make me fucking angry. Why should he get away with it? Why are you standing up for him?

BTW I do agree that involving the police is a step too far. Misogyny is not yet a hate crime unfortunately.

Gcsunnyside23 · 04/12/2023 21:24

Well done op, he's a massive bully and a twat and deserves to get in trouble at work. Maybe if he spent more time working and less time taking photos he wouldn't have anything to worry about

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 21:27

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 21:15

@CrashyTime your post is almost unintelligible. You seem to live in a strange world of misogyny and weird fonts…

You don`t seem to have much to say that is relevant to the question? Most people with basic reading skills could read the font, what parts are confusing for you?

Motnight · 04/12/2023 21:29

Well done Op.

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 21:33

@CrashyTime lack of full stops to start! I’ve commented on the content further down.

CrashyTime · 04/12/2023 21:44

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/12/2023 21:23

@CrashyTime its not about self worth. It’s just how bloody dare he comment on her appearance in that derogatory way. And when he was at work. It wouldn’t affect my self worth, but it would make me fucking angry. Why should he get away with it? Why are you standing up for him?

BTW I do agree that involving the police is a step too far. Misogyny is not yet a hate crime unfortunately.

I was standing up for the OP, but like many people posting you seem to have gone too far down the blind alley of "If I dont like it it cant exist" to be able to see the wood for the trees, if "Misogyny" becomes a "Hate Crime" so must slagging men off on Hen nights etc., dont you see the waste of police time that will ensue? I was in a hotel bar one time and a bunch of nurses ranging in age from 20 to about late 50s were sitting nearby, and some of the crap they were saying about other nurses who were obviously on their ward but not at the night out was outrageous, I very nearly went over and said that the way they were talking about other professionals and fellow nurses was fucking disgusting and inappropriate, but in the end I didnt, it isnt really my business how they think and how they conduct themselves on a night out after all, it`s not as if they were plotting murder is it?

porridgeisbae · 04/12/2023 21:56

I'd even go further and report for harassment and take him to court.

It's really hard to get anything taken to court, especially harrassment. The police might give him a telling off if he did anything like it again though @Annoyedofnorfolk , you could report if he does anything else (God willing, he won't anyway) as that'dve been two incidents. They might phone him (I know from an experience I had with a dodgy bloke) which he would not enjoy, and they'd tell him to stop it.

RecklessGoddess · 04/12/2023 21:57

While I am disgusted that he did such a thing, unfortunately it is not against the law to take pictures or video someone in public. Not so sure about sharing it on social media though. I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable, I would be furious if I was you!

ThePoshUns · 04/12/2023 21:58

Good for you OP.
And good on your OH for supporting you.