AIBU to be angry about photo of me taking without my consent

[Annoyedofnorfolk]

Last week I was walking our dog, it was first thing in the morning and admittedly I wasn't looking my best - just pulled a hoody on!

Unbeknownst to me, somebody who works with my partner took a photo of me whilst he was on a building site and sent it to my partner on social media (and perhaps also sent to others) with a very nasty comment about my appearance and weight. I have never met this man, and he doesn't know anything about me or what is going on in my life right now - I can only presume he recognised our dog. My partner told me about the picture.

I have been so angry about this, my partner is also very angry and has said something - the person who has taken the photo has doubled down said "it was only a joke and basically get over yourself". To be honest I have little time for people who resort to saying "it was a joke" when their nastiness is called out.

I want to email the company he works for - he did this on the company clock, from a company vehicle - he may be my partner's workmate, but I am also a member of the public, and as such I have a right to privacy and should be able to take my dog for a walk without being photographed and made fun of, he has invaded my privacy - it will impact on me, as I will be reluctant to walk that way again. My partner says he won't be bothered if I do, and it will be taken seriously as it is a reputable company, but I'm not sure if that is over reacting. Would be unreasonable to do this, or should I just forget it as the bloke is clearly a childish misogynistic arsehole.

Because this wont be the first time he has been an arse! Someone doesnt just think oh there's a woman ive never met, im going to send her pic to her husband and slag her off on social media... Normal people dont do that, the sort of people that do it always do it so this isnt a slip up it's a cock showing his true colours. He needs slapping down and has most likely broken his company's code of conduct so if he looses his job that's entirely his fault for being a nob and bullying a woman. He's an adult and needs to act like one. If it was my company his arse would be out the door with a boot up it.

Her husband also thinks a complaint is necessary. Maybe he knows the guy is a bellend and this is the last straw, or maybe he just doesnt want a random bloke photographing his wife and he is doing what a good partner does - standing up for her and not knocking him into the middle of next week like he deserves.

No it’s not. Hes representing the company. They won’t want their employees using their literal position to harass someone. If we don’t call out this behaviour and take action it continues and often gets worse. Misogyny is not ok. This man will have a very clear steer on his behaviour and think twice next time. Good!

Definitely do it.
A few years ago I was flashed (in traffic) by a builder type loading his van, but I was in my car and didn’t catch the van’s logo. If I had I would’ve totally reported it.

Anyone can take a picture of you and slag you off to someone else.

It’s a good thing to complain to the company but they should deal with it how they see fit. I think it’s U to expect them to move him elsewhere

Just wanted to jump on here to say well done for challenging this. Bastards like this need calling out, educating and making them think twice.

Brave and persistent people like you will make all the difference in the long run in our battle for the respect and safety of women and girls in our society.

Bravo 👏

So, just to be clear, a member of the public who happens to be the wife of another employee at the company emails their HR department to complain that one of their employees, whilst at work on a site that they are responsible for, took a picture without her consent and then sent it to her husband with an abusive message attached, and explains that now she feels uncomfortable walking past their site and asks for him to be moved to another site, and you think an appropriate response from the company would be, "We aren't going to do anything about this"?

@CrashyTime

HR here. It doesn’t matter if he was on an unpaid break, according to employment tribunal findings his employer would be ‘vicariously liable’. Basically the employer can be held responsible for any wrongdoing committed by an employee in the ordinary course of their employment. He was on a work site during his working day. That’s enough. Potentially vicarious liability could apply even if he’d done this on an unpaid break offsite. It’s during work time, paid or unpaid.

If this was my organisation we would take it very seriously. He’s not only targeted a member of the public, but he’s also bullied/harrassed/antagonised a colleague in the same action - and potentially the Equality Act could apply. We would also be investigating that angle. It reflects VERY badly on his employer, don’t underestimate the importance of the organisation brand. I would be prepping an invitation to disciplinary investigation right now.

Did I say that or did I say the COMPANY should deal with it as they see fit? The COMPANY will be the one to make a decision as to how he’s disciplined. Do you really think because the OP wants him moved to a different site, the company will say, ‘oh yes of course, we’ll send him 100 miles away.’ Be serious.

That’s my last comment to you as you purposely ignored what I said so no point wasting my time

So glad you did report this op and it is being taken seriously (as it should be). You rock and I am still so sorry this happened.

Either they move him to a different site or they tell the OP she will have to deal with him still being there. It's kind of a binary thing. Either he is still on the site near her house next week or he isn't.

One thing is for sure, if you actually tell a company what result you would like to see when you make a complaint, you're more likely to get what you want. It's helpful for them to know whether the OP wants him to be given a talking to, moved to a different site or fired, because that will help them to understand whether there is a solution which sorts out the problem for her and is workable for them.

And of course if this isn't his first transgression and they're looking for a reason to get rid of him, this is really helpful for them.

There are several other sites in a short radius of that one, he wouldn't be sent 100s of miles away, neither have I asked for him to be sacked, I haven't threatened police, I have just stated facts and what I would like to see happen.

For those saying it is just a laddish "prank", this incident has had an impact on my daily life - I have avoided that particular area and have walked around a longer route so that I don't have to go past it, I walked out of my door this morning and the first thing I did was look down there to see if there was a lorry there with my stomach churning. Those words are now in my head, and I feel literally sick that there is somebody who doesn't even know me who would do this, when I am simply going about my own business where I live. I have quite a lot of stress at the moment from one thing and another which I was managing, but this has just about tipped me over into feeling shaky and upset intermittently. Men simply don't understand the impact that this type of behaviour has on women.

This is a anonymised summary of what I have written:

<Details of what happened>

As well as being <partner>’s partner, I am a local resident. As such, I have the right to be able to go about my daily life around my neighbourhood without fear of being photographed without my knowledge or consent, insulted, degraded and not having my privacy invaded by a complete stranger. What I have experienced is targeted harassment and bullying by a man not known to me who is on the <company> clock and in an <company> vehicle - and is therefore representing your company. Furthermore, it is also harassment and bullying, not to mention goading, of <partner>, who has the right not to receive such messages from work colleagues relating to his private life, and to be put into such an awkward position in his workplace.

<photo creep> is very aware that this has upset me, instead he chose to describe it as “just a joke” – the go-to excuse for all bullies who have their behaviour called out. He had the opportunity then to apologise and chose not to, which left leaving a complaint as my only recourse. I would like <photo creep> to have it explained to him why this abusive and misogynistic behaviour towards women is unacceptable and not tolerated in this day and age, and to consider how he would feel if his wife or daughter was the target of such abuse. How many other female members of the public of any age is he covertly photographing, making comments on and distributing as there is a clear lack of boundaries and respect for women? Furthermore, I wish to request that this employee is no longer sent to work on this particular site, which is in very close proximity to where I live, as I will feel unsafe if he is there.

This is balanced and fair.

You aren't baying for blood but calling out shitty behaviour. This isn't laddism or banter, it is bullying and harassment. You have given them the solution you would like, if they sanction him further that is their choice.

To pp's who are blaming your husband for telling you or saying you are over reacting then they are excusing a culture of misogyny and victim blaming. I think he deserves to lose his job and needs to grow up.

What you’ve written is perfect. The wee loser absolutely deserves to lose his job, I can’t understand the women who are defending him or suggesting that you’re overreacting.

For those saying it is just a laddish "prank", this incident has had an impact on my daily life - I have avoided that particular area and have walked around a longer route so that I don't have to go past it, I walked out of my door this morning and the first thing I did was look down there to see if there was a lorry there with my stomach churning. Those words are now in my head, and I feel literally sick that there is somebody who doesn't even know me who would do this, when I am simply going about my own business where I live. I have quite a lot of stress at the moment from one thing and another which I was managing, but this has just about tipped me over into feeling shaky and upset intermittently. Men simply don't understand the impact that this type of behaviour has on women.

You poor thing.

Your husband had no business helping this man's abuse reach your ears.

Well done OP. Excellent wording. These men need to learn. A teen girl might not feel so empowered so thank you for speaking up.

yes I have sent it, and had a response with apologies and that it will be looked into, and I will be told of the outcome.

Oh bravo OP. Utterly brilliant. Good for you. Hope he learns his lesson.

Excellent email OP.

Shame on any and every poster that would defend such appalling behaviour.

I still absolutely believe this to be a police matter.

Men EXACTLY like him rape women.

Such is their hatred and loathing for ALL women, it is a natural progression.

They are the type that follow, insult and harass lone women.

They are EXACTLY the type of men that I want my precious daughters kept safe from.

Would you involve the police if it HAD been your daughter?

I bet you would in a minute.

Why are you deserving of less action?

I am so sorry that this dreadful behaviour has occurred at such a difficult time for you and has impacted you ao deeply.

I think it is a rare woman whom would not feel absolutely incensed and violated by this.

I am a very strong woman and I would be apoplectic at this occurring.

I would absolutely want the police to know about him and I would want the company to be absolutely furious that he would have brought such shade upon their brand locally.

If you have a local residence association or a FB page, it is the perfect place to warn local residence of exactly whom and what is among them.

Well written to them op!

Taking photos in a public place isn't a crime. It's also not a crime to belittle someone's appearance to others despite it been a really awful thing to Do.

I'd just brush it under the carpet and ignore it I wouldn't be out to get him fired you have no idea his family and if losing his job would result in kids starving or going without.

And please don't let your partner get himself in to trouble by taking it on himself to punish you don't want him getting in to bother too

Having said that there's nothing stopping your partner taking it to his boss but "he was mean about my wife" isn't exactly a crime either. What job and industry are they in

Horrid person. Actions have consequences don’t they. I’d be upset if someone did this to me. I think you should let the company know. Bad enough he’s done it to you - but he could also do it again to somebody else.