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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offering refreshments to guests

232 replies

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 03/12/2023 09:31

Based off of couple of other threads, who doesn't offer refreshments to guests on arrival?

I'd find it very odd to arrive somewhere and not be instantly offered tea or coffee, likewise, I would never not offer it on arrival and throughout the visit. I'd also put a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever on the table.

Going by other responses on here, there are people that wouldn't offer tea or coffee, and certainly not nibbles. So I wondered why? If you are one of these people, why don't you offer?

Yabu: No one needs refreshments, if you do, stop at a coffee shop before arriving at my house.

Yanbu: It's normal to offer tea and coffee, and EVEN snacks and nibbles.

OP posts:
Safxxx · 03/12/2023 09:34

I always offer hot/cold drinks and some biscuits or snacks to go with it. I also get offered it if I'm the guest.

CaputDraconis · 03/12/2023 09:46

The nibbles would depend on whether I was expecting them or not (i.e. if i wasnt expecting them I might not have any nibbles available). But I would always offer a drink

Squirrelblanket · 03/12/2023 09:48

I'd always offer a drink but not nibbles. We wouldn't usually have that type of thing in, unless it's Christmas.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:49

well, I wouldn't have "a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever " lying around at home, and I wouldn't want them in anyone else's house either.

Its not a very nice thing to do to lay them out in front of anyone who is trying to eat healthily, is it, aren't we beyond all this now?

Chipsandbeansandcheese · 03/12/2023 09:51

I always an offer a drink, sometimes biscuits if I have them.

ellie09 · 03/12/2023 09:55

In Northern Ireland we go very overboard!

Tea/coffee without fail. We lay out biscuits, cakes, sandwiches etc as well, its like a buffet style afternoon tea!

However, if its an unplanned visit, its usually just tea/coffee and a few biscuits.

GalileoHumpkins · 03/12/2023 09:55

I always offer drinks and massive salads, do people really eat cake and biscuits faux confusion ensues

aswarmofmidges · 03/12/2023 09:57

Depends if I wanted them to stay or not

We don't always keep much snacks etc in so that might be a bit hit or miss

Spencer0220 · 03/12/2023 09:57

Drinks always.

Snacks, no. Because they are usually staying for dinner.

HippeePrincess · 03/12/2023 09:57

Very odd when nothing is offered, I’ve even turned up with nice nibbles and said “I don’t these for us to eat with our cuppa” … nothing.

Tinkerbyebye · 03/12/2023 09:57

I always offer drinks. Not always food or nibbles depending on the time of day

i have one ex friend who never did this.

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 09:58

I am in Scotland and would ALWAYS offer someone tea/coffee and at the very least biscuits. An evening visit would be tea/coffee or soft drinks/wine, crisps etc.

Basic hospitality.

Original poster
ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 03/12/2023 09:59

aswarmofmidges · 03/12/2023 09:57

Depends if I wanted them to stay or not

We don't always keep much snacks etc in so that might be a bit hit or miss

Would you not feel rude not offering tea or coffee?

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 09:59

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:49

well, I wouldn't have "a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever " lying around at home, and I wouldn't want them in anyone else's house either.

Its not a very nice thing to do to lay them out in front of anyone who is trying to eat healthily, is it, aren't we beyond all this now?

Really? You must be a fun guest.

Original poster
ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 03/12/2023 09:59

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:49

well, I wouldn't have "a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever " lying around at home, and I wouldn't want them in anyone else's house either.

Its not a very nice thing to do to lay them out in front of anyone who is trying to eat healthily, is it, aren't we beyond all this now?

😂😂😂

Not even going to respond with anything of worth to this.

OP posts:
meatbaseddessert · 03/12/2023 10:00

Depends when and why they are there.

Dropping something off? No get it done and go. I've not factored in anything other than pleasantries.

Unexpected arrivals? Hmmm not sure I quite approve but if it's a really good friend and I've nothing else on a drink would be offered. If weekend if after 5pm then alcoholic is offered. We don't really have biscuits or crisps in the house so you'd be stuck with just the very strong G&T and TBH we'd all probably still be there in 6 hours time and now on the 'keeping for special' vintage champagne. But still no snacks! Maybe a takeaway.

Expected visitor? We'd have all the drinks and snacks you could possibly imagine from the moment you arrived.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/12/2023 10:00

I would always offer tea/ coffee/ a drink. I might offer snacks like crisps, cake or biscuits but I don’t often have them in the house (no self control) so only if I knew someone was coming in advance and had time to go to the shops.

Doggymummar · 03/12/2023 10:01

We don't have milk in the house so it's embarrassing to offer drinks. Could offer water or orange juice I suppose and for snacks don't have them either. Actually never had a visitor either, any correlation?

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 10:01

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 09:59

Really? You must be a fun guest.

Show quote history

why does not wanting to feel obliged to accept unhealthy snacks make me a "fun" guest?

ShirleyPhallus · 03/12/2023 10:01

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 09:49

well, I wouldn't have "a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever " lying around at home, and I wouldn't want them in anyone else's house either.

Its not a very nice thing to do to lay them out in front of anyone who is trying to eat healthily, is it, aren't we beyond all this now?

Anyone who is eating healthily will do so in a balanced way and certainly can make their own decision on whether to eat the biscuit that is in front of them or not

Its not a “not very nice thing” to lay them in front of someone in case they lack the willpower and control not to eat one

mynameiscalypso · 03/12/2023 10:01

I find it a bit odd that my in laws only offer drinks at set times. So unless you happen to be there at the arbitrary time they have decided is time to have a cup of tea, you won't get offered one.

Original poster
ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 03/12/2023 10:02

Surely when people arrive you take their coats and the first thing out of your mouth should be "tea, coffee or cold drink?"

Who doesn't do that Confused

OP posts:
ticketstickets · 03/12/2023 10:02

I might put out things like nuts, veg (cherry tomatoes for example), and biscuits. Lots of choice for healthy people.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 10:02

Doggymummar · 03/12/2023 10:01

We don't have milk in the house so it's embarrassing to offer drinks. Could offer water or orange juice I suppose and for snacks don't have them either. Actually never had a visitor either, any correlation?

we dont have milk either, although I will buy some to offer expected guests. Unexpected guests will be offered black tea or coffee

howshouldibehave · 03/12/2023 10:02

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 03/12/2023 09:59

Would you not feel rude not offering tea or coffee?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t feel rude, no. If people just turn up without telling me they are coming and it’s not terribly convenient, I probably don’t want them to stay for too long! I had a family member turn up once when I was halfway through wallpapering-if they’d rung, we could have decided a much better time! If I’m not busy, I’d probably offer them tea.

If it was already arranged, they would be offered lots of tea, coffee, cake and or dinner-depending on the time.