Offering refreshments to guests

[ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy]

Based off of couple of other threads, who doesn't offer refreshments to guests on arrival?

I'd find it very odd to arrive somewhere and not be instantly offered tea or coffee, likewise, I would never not offer it on arrival and throughout the visit. I'd also put a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever on the table.

Going by other responses on here, there are people that wouldn't offer tea or coffee, and certainly not nibbles. So I wondered why? If you are one of these people, why don't you offer?

Yabu: No one needs refreshments, if you do, stop at a coffee shop before arriving at my house.

Yanbu: It's normal to offer tea and coffee, and EVEN snacks and nibbles.

We had a plumber out yesterday and he hadn't even got through the front door when I was offering him a drink!

Drinks yes, hot/ cold /soft / alcoholic, I don't have biscuits in the house ( otherwise I'd eat them all).

Surely if they were close enough to drop in unannounced, you'd take a break, put the kettle on, then after, hand them a wallpapering paste brush and tell them to crack on and help?

You could have some carrot sticks and a glass of water if you came to my house.

Always a drink

Unless I wanted to keep the visit short I’d ask if they’d like a snack, just because lots of people don’t want food out in front of them outside meal times - they may not actively want it but it’s hard to resist.

Food issues?

If I'm expecting you to drop by I'll offer a warm/cold drink, depending on the weather, and a small snack like a biscuit.

If I'm not expecting you I probably won't offer, as I want to discourage random dropping in as much as possible and/or don't want to encourage you to stay. I know some folk find this odd but random visits make me anxious.

I don't tend to drop in on people unannounced but if they invite me then I appreciate the offer of a drink/biscuit.

I always offer tea, coffee and cold drinks. To anyone, family, friends or plumber.

We don’t keep snacks in the house like crisps or biscuits, so I can’t offer them. Most people I know these days don’t really eat snacks between meals (unless they’re a young child).

I would definitely offer a brew of tea, coffee or hot chocolate- biscuits yes if we have them in the house. All our ACs and GCs after asking will help themselves anyway!!
But if we have guests staying with us, they are all told that if you want a brew then make one whether its for you or everyone. Ditto with food - if you see it and you want it, you can have it!! When it's gone - it's gone!!
Obviously if it's something that's to go with a meal that we are preparing then they are told - there can't be anything worse than guests being hungry, thirsty or cold - so we let them know!! Our guests are treated as family when they stay with us.

I'm not a lover of unannounced pop ins. But if it's a prearranged event then of course I'd have planned drinks. Tea or coffee or a cold drink. Wine or beer in the evening

Nobody in our house drinks tea or coffee at all, so don't have it to offer! I do offer cold drinks though.

But why do you need to plan tea or coffee

You can just say "No, thank you" but I think it's rude when people don't offer a cup of tea/coffee. Especially when it's as cold as it's now

I think it’s rude to turn up at people’s houses expecting food and drink without bothering to text or ring first and check that’s convenient.

It is a bit tricky, actually, when you are offered unhealthy stuff while trying to be healthy.

Sure, it's my responsibility to say no. But that can be very hard if you are trying to get over compulsive eating, or lose a serious amount of weight.

It's fine if it's offered once and then dropped.

But the main problem is it doesn't generally stop at saying no once. Stuff is laid out, so it's staring at you permanently, which for a compulsive eater is really hard, especially when often dealing with the extra social anxiety of being at a gathering. Or, even worse, the host in every pause in the conversation repeatedly pushes it on you, like it's a personal offence if you don't want one of their biscuits (even worse if it's cake they made or a spread they clearly prepared specially for you, because then it's personal and you are meant to appreciate their effort and give their baking compliments. Some hosts act as if you are personally dissing them not to accept their food. In some cultures it's even more extreme- basically if you don't leave absolutely stuffed, the host hasn't done their job, and the guest hasn't shown enough respect/ acceptance of the host's hospitality.

Hosts often also act like they are doing you a favour by persuading you to 'just let loose'.... and Refusing refreshment is also taken as a social cue that you don't want to stay longer.

While in an ideal world none of this would shake my will, or at worst it would mean a meal off and then straight back into my healthy routine, it can trigger a collapse of everything for me.... that taste of sugar, which I'm addicted to, is back in my system, and it's a major effort to regain my control.

So yes ultimately still my responsibility, but if you imagine this were cigarettes rather than cakes, and I was trying to quit, that's how it often feels for me. I do think hosts should be more aware of not pushing their food on you.

I can’t imagine not putting the kettle on the moment someone walks through the door. It’s basic good manners.

"Can I get you a tea or coffee" is said within 20 seconds of anyone walking in my door usually followed by either an enquiry into whether they will eat something or an apology that we don't have much in for whatever reason.

I absolutely hate being in anyone's house who doesn't offer me a drink.

That's a you problem though, not rudeness in the face of social norms - and has nothing to do with offering tea, coffee or a cold drink to people when they come to your house.

Because its not always all about you love. Are you this prickly RL or just on MN?

It's ruder to be a bad host to people that do happen to be at your house though.

In your opinion, perhaps, I disagree.

My in laws were really cross when they just turned up on my house and I didn’t come out and make them coffee. I was there but on a Zoom training call, which they’d have known, if they had first text me to ask if it was convenient.

ffs 😂😂

I always offer drinks and ask if visitor wants something to eat. If they're staying for dinner, I tell them what time we'll be eating and what it's going to be so they can decide to eat something big/small when they arrive. I'm amazed how strict/stingy others are!

I hate being caught without a biscuit to offer a visitor and would always offer tea/coffee/water/juice etc to anyone visiting my home including tradesmen etc

Did you miss that this thread is not all about you?