Offering refreshments to guests

[ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy]

Based off of couple of other threads, who doesn't offer refreshments to guests on arrival?

I'd find it very odd to arrive somewhere and not be instantly offered tea or coffee, likewise, I would never not offer it on arrival and throughout the visit. I'd also put a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever on the table.

Going by other responses on here, there are people that wouldn't offer tea or coffee, and certainly not nibbles. So I wondered why? If you are one of these people, why don't you offer?

Yabu: No one needs refreshments, if you do, stop at a coffee shop before arriving at my house.

Yanbu: It's normal to offer tea and coffee, and EVEN snacks and nibbles.

If I invited people round I would have planned food (like a BBQ for a party or a take away if it was just my best popping round).

However my current house is not suitable for hosting so we don't invite people round.

Only people we have in our house are work men (like the gas inspector), they are usually in a huge rush to get to other jobs not popping in for tea, biscuits and a catch up.

I always offer tea and coffee straight away, so do my friends and anyone I visit. Planned visitors I’d have nice biscuits or cakes depending on duration of visit

I’d offer tea and coffee or a cold drink during the day. We don’t eat biscuits or cake so wouldn’t have any in the house to offer.

I always offer as soon as anyone comes in, whether planned or unannounced (never have an issue with that), and I always have at least a couple of different homebakes in the tins, if it’s remote,y near lunchtime (prob any time between 11 and the back of 2) there’s always the offer of a bowl of soup as I always have that on the go too

The horror of having to say "No thank you"!!!

Please be my friend!!

Cherry tomatoes???! That would completely bemuse me but each to each own I guess.

Drinks- always. Snacks, not for unexpected visitors- as others have said I don’t tend to keep them in the house or we eat them. If I knew in advance someone was coming over though I’d quite possibly make scones or a cake, or they’d be coming for a meal anyway.

Oh indeed!

We fill up our guests so they can barely walk afterwards!

Ive had people call up and sent ex hubby out to shops and bakery to buy half the shop 😂

You wouldn't think so.

My grandparents started married life in a single room in a tenement, with very little money. DGM treated workmen as well as she could because she knew what it was to be an invisible servant. I cleaned houses as an income through university and also know the feeling of being invisible as a person (not in every house but several) so I like to continue the tradition of making workmen welcome as it also makes them feel human and valued as people, not just trades. I’m well aware some people can’t afford to do it. This thread isn’t about what everyone does, it’s about individual approaches.

Cherry tomatoes would delight me!

I can't imagine not offering a drink & something to eat when people arrive. In fact if they are staying for a while I'd find it odd if they refused. My SIL used to arrive (to stay) after a 4 hour drive & never used to accept a drink when she arrived. It somehow seemed against social norms. Surely you'd say "just a glass of water, please" even if you didn't drink it. Now she's a bit more assertive she has a g&t 😂

Please, please can I be one of the people you really like? That sounds fabulous, you'd probably have trouble shifting me!

As to the OP's question, yes of course I always offer a drink - tea, coffee, alcoholic, non alcoholic to anyone whether expected or not and depending on time of day, type of drink snack food to accompany it. Not in the least offended if people refuse either drink or food and I don't push it.

It's just being hospitable.

given the number of "thanks" I've got for that message, other people don't like it either.

Time has moved on from the era when we all got fat stuffing our faces with refined sugar, and many people now do not want to be in the position of being expected to politely accept or decline, when it is something they simply don't want in their lives. We are more educated now, and maybe people should think a bit before laying this sort of stuff out in front of people

If you think a biscuit makes you fat then you do have issues.

Hmm, considering the vote is 90% that the OP is unreasonable I'd hazard a guess that you are in the minority.

I am not fat neither are any of my family, friends or mere acquaintances and we all offer food of some description with a drink. We'll carry on as we are thanks.

Depends on the time of day. Mid-morning, coffee would be offered (I am afraid that I don't keep any biscuits in the house), mid-afternoon a hot drink would be offered.
At both times a cold drink would also be an option.
Pre-lunch an aperitif, ditto pre-supper, but probably nothing to nibble on because it would spoil the appetite for the food I have been cooking.
However, if I were having a drinks party, there would definitely be a selection of canapés.

Obviously offer as soon as they arrive. I always have biscuits in but would bake if they're expected.

If I'm doing the dropping by then I'd never go empty handed, but I'd have the teacakes or whatever in my bag incase they couldn't invite me in.

If someone didn't offer me a cup of tea then I'd assume they were busy and didn't want to say, and make my excuses asap.

I offer everyone who comes through my door a drink and a biscuit
If I thought they'd be staying I'd have to go out and buy " nibbles" as I don't eat them myself, I live a few metres away from a Sainsbury's so would happily do it

I would always offer tea/coffee and biscuits - but I love hot drinks and, I'm afraid, biscuits; so always have them in.

If someone doesn't like these things for themselves, or has no money, or is living in chaos (e.g. during a move), then I wouldn't automatically expect them to be provided. In practice, though, I usually get offered a hot drink at any rate.

Oh god the first few replies have me exhausted, I can't read on to see if anyone has common sense.

If you were EXPECTING guests, even if you don't have milk coffee tea basic items 'lying' about, would you not go and get some? If I'm having anyone around I go to the shop and get some things in so that I can offer something, is it that difficult a concept?

Ah yes, the 2 extremes of Mumsnet 😂

You’re not obliged to eat things that are put out in front of you, don’t worry. Offering biscuits etc is seen as polite to many.

Time has moved on from the era when we all got fat stuffing our faces with refined sugar, and many people now do not want to be in the position of being expected to politely accept or decline, when it is something they simply don't want in their lives. We are more educated now, and maybe people should think a bit before laying this sort of stuff out in front of people

Sincere congratulations on being far superior to the people who might enjoy popping a chocolate digestive into their uneducated mouths 👏

That’s the point though… loads of responses you’ve got are from people saying they’d offer food/drink to guests they’d invited!

If my in laws turn up when I’m at home on a Zoom course, they don’t get a coffee and should have text first to see whether it was actually convenient!