Offering refreshments to guests

[ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy]

Based off of couple of other threads, who doesn't offer refreshments to guests on arrival?

I'd find it very odd to arrive somewhere and not be instantly offered tea or coffee, likewise, I would never not offer it on arrival and throughout the visit. I'd also put a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever on the table.

Going by other responses on here, there are people that wouldn't offer tea or coffee, and certainly not nibbles. So I wondered why? If you are one of these people, why don't you offer?

Yabu: No one needs refreshments, if you do, stop at a coffee shop before arriving at my house.

Yanbu: It's normal to offer tea and coffee, and EVEN snacks and nibbles.

Beyond all what? Being welcoming when guests arrive?

@TinkerTiger he was very cold!

You can use your words if a host is evil enough to offer you something you don't want to eat. I'd suggest "No thank you" or - if they're just put out for you to help yourself - don't take one.

I love a sweet treat but sometimes I don't want one, in which case I don't take one.

But they can politely refuse, it’s not like you’re obliged to stuff your face just because it’s there. Bizarre comment. I managed to politely tell a family member I couldn’t eat any of the sweets or cake she’d laid out or drink the wine. I was perfectly happy with squash. However, plenty of people would happily eat nice unhealthy snacks, it might be a lovely treat if it isn’t something they’d have normally or they might just really like the snacks.

beyond thinking shoving refined sugar down our gobs is the social norm, or socially expected. Beyond equating this shit with hospitality and "fun"- anyone who cant have fun without shit like this has a problem, and could well be heading to premature death from diabetes, with all the misery and expense that entails for everyone

come on, its at least 10 years since it was normal to put out a plate of biscuits and expect guests to eat them!

No, it isn't. You're talking joyless nonsense.

Yeah, don't we all just open the box, or packet and say, just the excuse I needed for a biscuit!
Help yourself!

I’d always offer refreshments but may panic what to give to unplanned visitors, as I don’t use tea bags, milk or biscuits.

Luckily I could get a Deliveroo in 15 minutes.

I dont drink tea or coffee or milk so we dont have any in the house.
I would offer a glass of water though.

I'd find it very odd to arrive somewhere and not be instantly offered tea or coffee, likewise, I would never not offer it on arrival and throughout the visit. I'd also put a few biscuits/cake/nuts/crisps or whatever on the table.

Short visit - dropping in to pick something up or drop something off, I won't offer you anything.
Longer visit is usually pre-arranged and is almost always for a meal. If we're eating soon I won't offer you anything. If it's say 3pm and you're staying for dinner, I'll offer a drink but probably nothing else, unless you've come some distance. Maybe a biscuit, never cake/nuts/crisps. It's just not really a habit in our family to have random snacks with drinks.

This is also what happens when we're visiting, and is fine.

Well, that's quite a leap from offering guests a biscuit (which they can refuse) to causing them to develop diabetes and potential death. You obviously have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Nobody is advocating force feeding cream cakes to a guest but the fact you are almost hysterical at the mention of a biscuit is far more unhealthy than eating one biscuit. There is also such a thing as self control and choice. Most people are healthy enough to see food offered and exercise choice and not hoover it all up simply because it's there.

Well, that's a new level of miserable, even for MN 😂😂😂

I'm practically Mrs Doyle.

Ok you've jumped the shark now 😆

Fortunately I don't know anyone who would do that. All my friends check agree on a convenient time to visit.

You must suck all the joy out of Christmas Ebenezer!

The responses on this thread are why other people laugh at Mumsnet.

If you have guests, you feed and water them. This is really non-negotiable, although of course people are free to say no. You might not have anything fancy in for unexpected guests, but you offer what you have, surely?

Not sure if it’s just where I live, but have only once been offered biscuits (I don’t like them so has never bothered me)! My parents don’t have them, my in-maws don’t have them and only once had them offered at a friends house. All offer tea/coffee/cold drink.

We would usually arrange a meeting, so I would provide lunch or have cooked a meal for dinner (and always provide drinks and nibbles to start). I live away from family so would always be a planned visit. I always wondered who was buying all the impressive array of biscuits you see in the shops!

It depends.

If someone is just dropping something around / picking something up, or collecting their child, no, I won’t always offer tea or coffee.

Other than that, yes I would off coffee or tea. Not necessarily food though.

Most of the time though, people are coming for dinner, and then they get well and truly wined and dined.

I disagree. Friends coming for a meal will bring wine, and I do likewise.

Friends dropping round casually certainly don't need to bring anything.

With family, meal or otherwise, no-one brings anything; the host provides.

We have friends that invites us round for drinks and don't then offer a drink all evening, which I find very rude. They come to us and drinks us out of house home as we are generous hosts. They are not poor so can certainly afford to buy a few options in to offer guests they have invited. I struggle to understand it to be honest. It's not just us they do exactly the same to other friends. I struggle to understand how they can be so oblivious to common courtesy.

Uninvited visitors, at perhaps unsuitable times, aren't guests IMHO.

This is where we differ. Anyone who is in the house for a social reason is a guest, in my view.

"You'll have had your tea" is not in your vocabulary 😂