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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

386 replies

Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 14:52

Visiting in laws today on a planned visit initiated by them. ILs are a bit odd about food and seem to eat tiny portions only in allocated slots e.g don't do lunch but breakfast at 7am and dinner at 6pm with coffees in between. When I've mentioned this being odd in the past they offer the thinnest sandwich I've ever seen so have given up trying to explain I think this is bonkers.

Usually I manage this by eating a lot before going but with a toddler and a baby I didn't eat any breakfast this morning. DH prepared all of the toddlers lunch and I didn't ask him to pack me anything. We arrived at 2. I'm starving. DH doesn't think this is weird and doesn't eat a lot himself but is happy to buy me food before and after. Sorely tempted to eat the left overs from toddlers fruit lunch and snacks.

Is it rude to pop out to the high street eat something and come back.

Aibu to think you feed people who you invite over?

I'm also breastfeeding!!

OP posts:
TerrysChocolateOrange · 02/12/2023 14:54

If you are BFing then I would expect you to be responsible for your own snacks, you know that they have small appetites.

Iloveacurry · 02/12/2023 14:55

Go out and get something to eat! Better still, send your DH.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 02/12/2023 14:55

Go and get yourself food
"Well I've missed so popping to get something, anyone else? No? Byeeee!'
Would they eat lunch at yours if served or out if you were paying? Remember a similar thread, with inlaws who did this at home, but were gannets elsewhere/if someone else paid!

NoWordForFluffy · 02/12/2023 14:55

I wouldn't feed people who arrived at 2, unless they were also staying for dinner. 2pm is after lunch (notwithstanding the fact they don't eat it). I might offer a warmed mince pie at this time of year, but otherwise it's not a time I'd expect my guests to be expecting food to be provided.

You definitely feed guests who you've invited over at a mealtime, however.

thedamnseason · 02/12/2023 14:55

Obviously it's fucking weird but you knew that so you should have taken snacks or gone after lunch/stopped on the way.

Loafordeath · 02/12/2023 14:55

I would feed guests who were there over a mealtime. I probably wouldn't think to offer food at 3pm to someone who arrived at 2pm.

I'd like to think this might be different for a breastfeeding mother but it's easy to forget what that's like. They sound weird.

thedamnseason · 02/12/2023 14:56

NoWordForFluffy · 02/12/2023 14:55

I wouldn't feed people who arrived at 2, unless they were also staying for dinner. 2pm is after lunch (notwithstanding the fact they don't eat it). I might offer a warmed mince pie at this time of year, but otherwise it's not a time I'd expect my guests to be expecting food to be provided.

You definitely feed guests who you've invited over at a mealtime, however.

If people were visiting me I'd at least have some cake or nice biscuits.

AllEars112232 · 02/12/2023 14:57

Nothing rude about going out and buying your own food. Your know what their eating habits are, just take care of your own needs rather than expect them to change their routine.

DelphiniumBlue · 02/12/2023 14:57

"DH, breastfeeding makes me so hungry, can you get me something to eat? sandwich or toast and tea will be fine, thanks."

Original poster
Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 14:58

TerrysChocolateOrange · 02/12/2023 14:54

If you are BFing then I would expect you to be responsible for your own snacks, you know that they have small appetites.

Yes you're right. My sister said the same when I text her. There's such a weird vibe around eating previously I've had to secretly eat while feeding the baby and hidden wrappers in my pockets.

Maybe I feel weird about it because they are v thin and I'm not.

OP posts:
SiennaMillar · 02/12/2023 14:59

YANBU. I went on hols with ILs. They eat breakfast at 8am and dinner at 10pm. NOTHING in between and no shops. I was dizzy with hunger! I had to steal stuff from the breakfast buffet to save for lunch

NoWordForFluffy · 02/12/2023 14:59

thedamnseason · 02/12/2023 14:56

If people were visiting me I'd at least have some cake or nice biscuits.

Show quote history

We generally have biscuits in probably not 'nice' ones though, so I would possibly offer them. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:00

AllEars112232 · 02/12/2023 14:57

Nothing rude about going out and buying your own food. Your know what their eating habits are, just take care of your own needs rather than expect them to change their routine.

Yes sensible. I think I'll just go out and buy myself food. If I'm feeling confident enough I might just sit in living room and eat in front of everyone.

OP posts:
jackstini · 02/12/2023 15:00

I would have got something on the way - no chance would I ever have got to 2pm without eating when breastfeeding!

So yes, either go out or ask dh to make you something as you missed breakfast

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2023 15:01

This problem was caused entirely by you not eating breakfast or lunch before 2pm.

keye · 02/12/2023 15:03

Why did you not eat lunch before you arrived at 2? Just arrive at 2:15 year instead.

Original poster
Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:03

Loafordeath · 02/12/2023 14:55

I would feed guests who were there over a mealtime. I probably wouldn't think to offer food at 3pm to someone who arrived at 2pm.

I'd like to think this might be different for a breastfeeding mother but it's easy to forget what that's like. They sound weird.

I think I'm shocked because in my family anyone who arrives at anytime is offered something and it's considered bad manners if you don't.

Obviously it depends on the time of arrival e.g if arrived close to dinner a drink, nuts, crisps ordered.

After lunch maybe a coffee?

OP posts:
ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 02/12/2023 15:04

Lizziebest · 02/12/2023 15:00

Yes sensible. I think I'll just go out and buy myself food. If I'm feeling confident enough I might just sit in living room and eat in front of everyone.

Show quote history

Get a pizza delivered 👹

RumJerrySailorRum · 02/12/2023 15:04

Wouldn't matter what time of day or if it was a planned visit or unplanned, you would always be offered food and drink in my House.

Just the way I am. I can't abide the thought of someone being unhappy or uncomfortable in my home.

isthismylifenow · 02/12/2023 15:05

If you knew there was likely not going to have food offered, why didn't you consider stopping off for something on the way.

But if it's dh parents house, just ask if he could make you a sandwich. I don't automatically offer food if someone visits out of a mealtime. It just wouldn't cross my mind that they would need one.

Biscuits etc yes, but not a meal.

SutWytTi · 02/12/2023 15:05

Your ILs are obviously very unusual, and yes I think they should feed you, but I think you know the score so just take lots of food with you when you go.

Reallybadidea · 02/12/2023 15:05

Of course YANBU but this is MN so people will fall over themselves to tell you that you're the problem.

keye · 02/12/2023 15:05

Just read you also didn't eat breakfast. What bizarre behaviour. I think this is about personal responsibility and you should have eaten at least one do the meals normally eaten before 2pm before turning up at the house of someone who you know isn't going to feed you

AllEars112232 · 02/12/2023 15:05

@Lizziebest That's exactly what I would do!

NChannnnge · 02/12/2023 15:05

I think they are rude. I only eat 1-2 meals a day and am quite careful about what I eat, but I still feed guests! Go and get something!