AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

[Lizziebest]

Visiting in laws today on a planned visit initiated by them. ILs are a bit odd about food and seem to eat tiny portions only in allocated slots e.g don't do lunch but breakfast at 7am and dinner at 6pm with coffees in between. When I've mentioned this being odd in the past they offer the thinnest sandwich I've ever seen so have given up trying to explain I think this is bonkers.

Usually I manage this by eating a lot before going but with a toddler and a baby I didn't eat any breakfast this morning. DH prepared all of the toddlers lunch and I didn't ask him to pack me anything. We arrived at 2. I'm starving. DH doesn't think this is weird and doesn't eat a lot himself but is happy to buy me food before and after. Sorely tempted to eat the left overs from toddlers fruit lunch and snacks.

Is it rude to pop out to the high street eat something and come back.

Aibu to think you feed people who you invite over?

I'm also breastfeeding!!

I wouldn’t say you’re being unreasonable because it’s family.
i think it can depend on the people. I wouldn’t necessarily offer food after meal times but if the in-laws come over we offer drinks & get the biscuits out. And they do the same for us. But they’ve also got a “help yourself” attitude. It’s my husbands childhood home so he’ll just help himself.

was the same with my mum too.

that being said at that time and breastfeeding and knowing that’s what they’re like, I’d be responsible for my own food! And a good chance to get some time to yourself too by leaving the house and going to get some food!

I'm British and didn't realise inhospitality was a British trait! I think it is mean.

It isn't a British person's trait. It is a mean person's trait, regardless of their nationality.

It is often suggested that there are higher levels of neurodivergence and poor mental health in younger generations than previously. I am suggesting that the levels are exactly as they always were, but that in older generations this is may present as very controlling or disordered behaviour around food, amongst other things. I also think that the diet culture of the mid 20th century onwards has cast a very long shadow. I don't think that many current attitudes to food are any healthier
I see what you mean.
I took it to be that there's more issues in the older generation.
Sorry for misunderstanding or misreading.

I know some people like this with issues about meals.
It has taken a few years for my penny to drop.
The faux Pas has included: inviting family around only for there to be no FOOD!!!! ( EVENING) !!!!!!
Or any real hospitality apart from water or cups of Tea ..???
I now experience The Dropping of The proverbial penny.
I have decided that upon the next invitation I am going to take my own Meal ( microwave meal)
Because I'm fed up / bored with it all. I hate living with the uncertainty / craziness. And I am now taking back control because I hate feeling resentful towards the hosts for their shortcomings.

Why wouldn't you discuss before visiting if they intend to do a meal, especially if it is over a mealtime?

I had this when visiting my in laws last time. They ate breakfast at 8am, coffees all day, then dragged us out to the pub at 7pm and looked miffed when I said I didn't want a drink (I was so hungry I felt sick by that point, no way could I stomach a drink). Mother in law said she much preferred eating after going to the pub, but it was almost 11pm by the time we ate dinner.

@Friedgreentomatoes1981 - by not taking a stand and politely asking for something to eat during the day and having dinner at 11, you’ve helped normalise their behaviour.

And an 8 week old newborn too! It’s just so odd. My parents ask us if we want a drink as soon as we walk in, especially in this weather. It’s the reason I can’t bear the thought (and never have in 10 years) of doing Christmas Day with them. How grim to be sat there starving and thirsty. They’re weird in many ways though, so I’m not actually surprised they are poor hosts, they don’t have any friends.

I wouldn't give a toss what it looked like - as a BF mum you think of yourself and your child. If you are hungry - nip out and go to lunch or go to the supermarket for supplies. Eat whenever you want, if you want to eat in privacy, go to another room to feed the baby and snack at the same time?

Very rude to not offer your guests sustenance.

They are weird with food. Bring your own and chow down. Offer them some but don't feel bad if you end up eating it all.

no wonder I am not slim. I don't think I've ever eaten just a cheese and lettuce sandwich for dinner!

no one comes to my house and leaves without eating until positively bursting. i am not always well enough to cook, but I will at least order something in.

in my culture, not feeding guests is a massive faux pas. not to mention that we believe poor treatment of guests brings bad luck and shame on the whole extended family (im not even exaggerating).