To think this is my queue to move out now

[Givealittlerespecttome]

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

cue

I know it sounds like I'm putting pressure on. I know the though of 'forever' is scary and a long time but I didn't say the rest of his life, I said long term.

Cue* my bad

It depends on the rest of your relationship. Do you want to be with him in 5-10 years? Is his disinterest typical for him?

Are you talking about going from one rental to another? What sort of "plan", exactly?
I'd go it alone, he clearly doesn't care whether you're in his life or not.

Well I thought I wanted to spend my life with him but I'm not so sure now. it's his lack of motivation to do anything, to commit to anything, he's more interested in daft YouTube videos.

helpful!

I couldn't come back from his comment. It would be my cue to leave and make room in my life for someone that can see a future with me.

Just any sort of plan about where our lives are going, not just drifting as boyfriend and girlfriend, renting and childless forever. I've seen a studio flat by the seaside for myself for an absolute steak and nearer to where I work. Feel like just applying for it tbh.

op it doesn't look like you want the same things in life , you have to look after you.

I'm meant to be going to see his family with him for the weekend tomorrow, I've paid £50 for a return train. Can't be fucking bothered now, why should I. Sorry to sound vulgar, I don't want to let his family down last min though, it isn't their fault.

I would move on if I were you. This is the bit of the relationship where you should be having fun planning a future together. This is what you have got…

go for that flat by the seaside - sounds amazing

I only looked at this thread to see how long the spelling pedants would take and I think we have a new record, less than a minute.

I've known him since 2016. Been with him since early 2020. It's a joke .

Go for the flat by yourself if you can afford it.You can still date if you wish but you need to move on and see what happens.Goodluck.

Thank you. It's a tiny bedsit type flat but it's an absolute bargain, it's like 20% of my take home pay.

This says more about you than the OP @Notcookie

OP - he's clearly quite content with the present arrangement. You are not.

You have moved in different directions & if he won't come with you, it's time to let It go.

Yeah, go for that flat. Will be nice living by the sea. And your partner sounds like a pathetic loser. Ditch him.

Apply today hope you get it.Forget the weekend spend it doing things for yourself.

Super helpful. Why reply just to be snarky?

Sorry OP but yes I'd be moving on

Thank you. It's not that I want to ruin his weekend or inconvenience his family in any way, they don't deserve that. However I'm coming back on Sunday he's coming on Wednesday, maybe that's my time to go.

How long have you been together? When you say you've been renting for years, do you mean you've been renting with your boyfriend, or does that include renting on your own?

If you already live together, and he 'doesn't know' if he sees himself living with you in five or ten years, then I don't think that's a good sign for any relationship.

Of course, nobody truly knows what might happen in the future; none of us has a crystal ball. So nobody can be absolutely 100% certain how they'll feel about anything in a decade's time. But... I would certainly expect someone to be able to say whether that was the future they were at least hoping for.

When I moved in with DP (slightly different situation, as at first I moved into his house which he already owned) we definitely agreed that we both imagined and hoped that our relationship would be permanent, and I wouldn't have moved in with him if I 'didn't know' if I saw myself living with him in five years' times.

Personally, I think you deserve a lot better than your current boyfriend. It doesn't sound to me as if he is particularly committed to your relationship, and it also sounds as if he's deliberately trying to make you feel insecure. Horrible, really.

I’m old now and if there’s one piece of advice I’d offer is don’t waste your life on someone who doesn’t really give a fuck. He’ll probably stay with you whatever you do if you organise absolutely everything yourself but only because he can’t get off YouTube long enough to make any other plan. 100 times better off solo.

If he says he doesn't know that means he does know. What he doesn't want is to tell you.