To think this is my queue to move out now

[Givealittlerespecttome]

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

If you want more - marriage, buying a house, children - and you’re in your 30s, I don’t think it’s a good idea to waste any more time with someone who’s not all in. (I appreciate not everyone wants this kind of lifestyle but it sounds like you do).

It’s not a pipe dream to be with someone who is fully in love with you, deeply committed to and excited about your shared future!

I met my DH when I was 18 so we didn’t get married for a few years, until I was 25, and buying a house and having kids came slightly later. But if I’d been dating in my 30s rather than my teens I would have expected to be moving on to those commitments much sooner… I think you normally know within a couple of years if it’s going to work out.

And while we waited a few years to get married, we knew from our first few months together that we wanted the same future and intended to get married and have kids. I would have found it incredibly hurtful if DH had ever said he wasn’t sure he could see us together in 5-10 years.

I know a woman who spent age 30 to her early 40s being strung along with promises of marriage and kids which never came to anything. She ended up leaving him, but too late to start a family elsewhere and I know it’s a regret. Don’t waste your life with someone who isn’t going to give you what you want in life.

You can change the date on the ticket. Change it to a random date in the future then change it again when you know you want to use it.

Amd go and get the studio by the sea. Sounds great and he won’t have been expecting it either!

This. ^ Pathetic isn't it? Do people just sit and wait for posters to make errors so they can pounce? LOL, I mean FFS!

You really need to evaluate if you'd be wasting your time, ie letting your "best years", slip away waiting for him to decide what he wants in life and if that includes you.
At least he was honest in saying he doesn't know what he sees for his future and if it includes you. Too many women don't recognize their own value and all the great qualities they bring to the table and wait around for some guy to decide they're good enough - or not. It just erodes your self-esteem. You sound more certain about how you want your life to be and I think you need to take control. Be bold in your life. you only get one life to live. Make the most of yours. 🩷
Call his parents and simply say you are very sorry but cannot make it this weekend as something unavoidable has come up. Offer no explanation, though. No need to drag them into it. Then pursue that other rental and a few others. Start sorting your things this weekend. Tell partner you are making a decision for yourself, no animosity, just putting your needs first and that it feels your relationship has come to a natural end.

Is this bloke even awake?

I think you should go for it. He clearly hasn’t the guts to tell you how he really feels, but his vague and non committal answers have pretty much said it all haven’t they ? You need to do what’s best for you now.

Hope you feel really good about that. She's clearly upset.

Not necessarily being a twat - I was puzzled because the title doesn’t make any sense with that spelling mistake.

A studio flat by the sea, near work, cheap rent. Versus living with a non commital, emotionally unavailable man child. Hmm. Decisions, decisions! 🤔🤷

Say you're poorly this weekend. And go for that flat. It's a sign from the universe.

I’ll probably be called out on this for sexism but ime men can be quite happy to drift along, having sex and sharing a life with someone that they don’t particularly love or even like sometimes, whereas women don’t get involved at that level unless they have an emotional commitment.

What sort of life decisions would you be making if you were with a partner who was enthusiastically committed to a future with you, and wanted, above all, to see you happy and fulfilled? That’s your life blueprint.

The way to find that person, is to keep saying “next” to the time wasters. Don’t be the person who wastes her fertile years with a drifter.

I think it would be more heartless to go.

and yet the overwhelming majority did indeed understand

Your BF is a drifter, having no initiative or motivation to make a life with you and has been coasting along( I had a husband like that)
Don't know means No, he just lacks the balls to tell you
Seize the opportunity of a little flat by the sea, which you can afford and spend the rest creating a new life
You'll look back and wonder how to put up with him for so long
Don't worry about going for the meal, plan your future without him

Pot, kettle, black.

There's a part of me that wants to stay because I deeply love him, but I'd be a fool to. I'm more worried about hurting his feelings than my own.

Do it. Will he even notice you’re not there?

Do it (and start putting money in a lifetime ISA so you can work towards saving up a house deposit, if that's what you want).

He sounds passive, lazy and boring – qualities which are surely damaging your relationship in other ways? It surely can't be fun. Does he make you smile, feel good? Does he bring anything at all to the table?

I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The ONLY answer to this, if you live with someone, is an enthusiastic and genuine 'of course!'

Sorry but he should know by now whether he wants to be with you for the long run... Bit of a wierd comment from him :S was with/knew my husband for a year before we moved in together then within 3 years we got married and had 2 kids ... And now we've been together for 8 years but I wouldn't have stayed with him if after 2 years he said he wasn't sure about me or "didn't know" about our future. Go for the flat, plenty more men out there.

You've got to go @Givealittlerespecttome.

I know it's going to be horrible.

Go, get your flat by the seaside. Life happens when we make it happen.

Aw damn I thought this was going to be some very British queueing issue. 😂

But it’s no laughing matter. I don’t think you should waste any more time with this one if you want to move on with your life. It doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page regarding the stage of life you’re at. Best of luck with the new flat OP!

Fucking hell. Do not waste your life with this loser!

This is your cue to break up, move out. Onwards and upwards.
You've outgrown him

Exactly this. Some people just love to poke fun at someone though and mock their 'errors,' but CBA to offer a scrap of help. How pathetic.

As a pp said, everyone else understood what the OP was saying. Some people just love to be pedantic and snarky and rude though, to a poster who is upset and struggling. Hope they feel better now they have been so rude and arsey to the OP.

He doesn't care about your feelings OP, I think you need to look out for yourself as your bf is not going to look out for you.

Op he didn’t care about your feelings when he said he didn’t know if he could see himself with you in 5 years

and he didn’t care about your feelings when he told you that he could no longer come on the holiday you’d bought him as a gift because something has come up

You don;t say how old you are in the OP, but I think he should not be your plan A.