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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is my queue to move out now

345 replies

Givealittlerespecttome · 30/11/2023 16:25

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

OP posts:
pam290358 · 30/11/2023 22:28

FreshWinterMorning · 30/11/2023 22:19

Are you kidding? You were literally attacking a poster who was DEFENDING the OP. And I have been defending the OP throughout the thread. I think you are the one with comprehension issues, not me. Read the full thread, and read peoples posts properly before you post in future.

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I HAVE read the full thread. Which is why I said that this has been done to death, the OP has already said she doesn’t care, it isn’t helpful to resurrect it on every page and it’s derailing. And, as you point out, if people read the full thread, they would know that, regardless of whether they are defending or criticising the OP.

RazzaRazza · 30/11/2023 22:31

Amazing! A bunch of strangers on the internet have called your boyfriend useless, a man child etc (usual knee-jerk MN), and in about 6 hours have told you to leave your relationship of about 3 years, and you're going to do so and you thank them as well!! Here's a novel idea; talk to your boyfriend honestly and forget about the lonely LTB gimps.

FreshWinterMorning · 30/11/2023 22:33

@RazzaRazza except in this instance, the 'lonely LTB gimps' are 100% right! You must have very low standards if you would stay with a man like the OP is with. She is worth more than that. Every woman is. Read the full thread and all the OP's posts FFS before you cast aspersions on people on here.

And don't say you HAVE read the full thread, (or the OP's posts) because that just makes what you have posted even worse!

Actually you CAN'T have read the OP's posts, otherwise you would have seen she HAS spoke to her partner about this!

.

YerArseInParsley · 30/11/2023 22:39

GO FOR IT!! He's clearly not bothered. After that, I don't know...its hard to say comment, I'd take that as a sign for you to move on.

Tell him you've found a flat for yourself, when he complains and says what about me? just say what about you? You're not sure about your future plans so I suggest you start making some for yourself.

pam290358 · 30/11/2023 22:42

RazzaRazza · 30/11/2023 22:31

Amazing! A bunch of strangers on the internet have called your boyfriend useless, a man child etc (usual knee-jerk MN), and in about 6 hours have told you to leave your relationship of about 3 years, and you're going to do so and you thank them as well!! Here's a novel idea; talk to your boyfriend honestly and forget about the lonely LTB gimps.

The OP asked the opinion of ‘a bunch of strangers on the internet’ because she has talked to her boyfriend honestly, which is why she posted. He’s shown her who he is with his replies. If he can’t honestly see himself with her in five years time, she’s wasting her life on someone who clearly can’t commit. LTB is probably sensible advice. And maybe look up the word ‘gimp’ before you use it again - it’s ableist and insulting.

Bigcat25 · 30/11/2023 22:42

Dear OP, whatever you decide to do, I noticed you said something about continuing to contribute to the rent at the current place, I hope you don't mean for the rest of a 10 month lease? You also said you'd save on food costs as you'd only be shopping for yourself. I really hope you aren't undermining yourself financially for him, he should have been sharing food costs all along.

Wishing you well and don't be too generous with him, regardless of what you do!

cafenoirbiscuit · 30/11/2023 23:04

I’m excited for you to view the flat 😄

Skodacool · 30/11/2023 23:17

Notcookie · 30/11/2023 16:25

cue

This

Imagwine · 30/11/2023 23:31

The flat sounds heavenly.

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 01/12/2023 01:03

Givealittlerespecttome · 30/11/2023 21:05

I was single for 5 years prior to us getting together, hopefully I'll be ok doing it again, I'm sure it will do me good. I can't criticise him for not being ready, I understand not everyone is, it just makes me feel atm like something's wrong with me. I'll take some time to work on my self esteem.
He's messaged asking how my evening is and I've informed him I won't be coming tomorrow.

You're right, you can't criticise him for not being ready but you absolutely can for not being honest with you about it or really giving any indication that he cares about how you might believe feeling.
FWIW, my ex was like this towards the end of the relationship - really unenthusiastic about our future after 4 years but giving "meh" responses when challenged about it. We eventually broke up and it was tough because it was a comfortable relationship, but sticking with the break up was so worthwhile. Spent a year focusing on building my confidence and thinking about what I wanted out of life and then met my dh. You can do this!

SALWARP2023 · 01/12/2023 01:07

Leave him. His attitude will eventually erode your self esteem. You simply deserve more!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/12/2023 03:54

Maelil01 · 30/11/2023 20:35

It wasn’t a spelling mistake, it was a complete mis-use of a word.

If I was mis-using a word I’d be grateful to have it pointed out so I didn’t keep repeating the error and looking like an idiot. It’s weird to object.

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So, instead you've decided to look like an idiot posting about a wrong word on a thread created to seek support? 🤣🤦‍♀️

Couldn't resist. 🤷‍♀️☺️

wuvoobee · 01/12/2023 07:17

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/12/2023 03:54

So, instead you've decided to look like an idiot posting about a wrong word on a thread created to seek support? 🤣🤦‍♀️

Couldn't resist. 🤷‍♀️☺️

Show quote history

This!

Here's a sentence to help with the use of those two words.

When someone makes an error in a post, that's the cue for a bunch of pedantic self-righteous twats to form a queue to point it out while they miss the point of the thread.

Going forward, I shall report all such posts as "not being in the spirit". 😀

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 07:35

RazzaRazza · 30/11/2023 22:31

Amazing! A bunch of strangers on the internet have called your boyfriend useless, a man child etc (usual knee-jerk MN), and in about 6 hours have told you to leave your relationship of about 3 years, and you're going to do so and you thank them as well!! Here's a novel idea; talk to your boyfriend honestly and forget about the lonely LTB gimps.

Well you've just made an almighty twat of yourself.
The op has talked to him.
His answers to her questions are why she's made her decision.

Women should not be encouraged to stay in bad relationships. We should not be told it's ok for us to be unhappy and we should accept that.

That doesn't benefit women.

You know who encouraging women to stay in bad relationships and claiming that any woman who doesnt encourage other women to stay in bad relationships is a lonely man hater benefits?

Men.

It benefits men who want to be able to treat women badly and still get their dinner cooked and their cock sucked.

I've been married for 25 years and counting because I didn't marry and stay with someone who didn't give a shit about me.

Don't try to tell women we need to stay with the wrong men.

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 07:41

Careful folks. Pam'll put you on the naughty step.

pam290358 · 01/12/2023 07:53

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 07:41

Careful folks. Pam'll put you on the naughty step.

Actually Pam was about to agree with every word you said in your reply to @RazzaRazza - you’re absolutely spot on. Shame you undid all that good work with your subsequent childishness isn’t it ?

newnamethanks · 01/12/2023 07:57

Take the flat. He can think about his future while you admire your sea view. Go!

sugarandsweetener · 01/12/2023 07:58

RazzaRazza · 30/11/2023 22:31

Amazing! A bunch of strangers on the internet have called your boyfriend useless, a man child etc (usual knee-jerk MN), and in about 6 hours have told you to leave your relationship of about 3 years, and you're going to do so and you thank them as well!! Here's a novel idea; talk to your boyfriend honestly and forget about the lonely LTB gimps.

couldn’t resist a cheeky AS

You joined mumsnet or name changed just to post this one post. You really must feel quite impassioned about it! 😂

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 08:02

sugarandsweetener · 01/12/2023 07:58

couldn’t resist a cheeky AS

You joined mumsnet or name changed just to post this one post. You really must feel quite impassioned about it! 😂

Show quote history

Vested interest, I'm guessing.

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 08:05

pam290358 · 01/12/2023 07:53

Actually Pam was about to agree with every word you said in your reply to @RazzaRazza - you’re absolutely spot on. Shame you undid all that good work with your subsequent childishness isn’t it ?

Show quote history

😭 oh no. You were? I'm gutted. Heartbroken. I've messed up so badly, please forgi...
Nah. Don't give a shit, love.
I don't need your agreement or approval. Or care what you think about anything. 🤷

sugarandsweetener · 01/12/2023 08:18

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 08:05

😭 oh no. You were? I'm gutted. Heartbroken. I've messed up so badly, please forgi...
Nah. Don't give a shit, love.
I don't need your agreement or approval. Or care what you think about anything. 🤷

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good grief 😬

Startrekkeruniverse · 01/12/2023 08:22

Skodacool · 30/11/2023 23:17

This

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Such an obnoxious response. Does belittling other people online make you feel better about yourself? This isn’t a spelling and grammar contest.

Startrekkeruniverse · 01/12/2023 08:23

wuvoobee · 01/12/2023 07:17

This!

Here's a sentence to help with the use of those two words.

When someone makes an error in a post, that's the cue for a bunch of pedantic self-righteous twats to form a queue to point it out while they miss the point of the thread.

Going forward, I shall report all such posts as "not being in the spirit". 😀

Show quote history

👏👏👏👏

Luxell934 · 01/12/2023 08:27

You’ve been together around 4 years and how long have you been living together?
Did he want to live with you in the first place, was he keen or was it just convenient?
Are you happy together? Have you sat him down and explained what you want?

NonPlayerCharacter · 01/12/2023 08:29

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2023 07:35

Well you've just made an almighty twat of yourself.
The op has talked to him.
His answers to her questions are why she's made her decision.

Women should not be encouraged to stay in bad relationships. We should not be told it's ok for us to be unhappy and we should accept that.

That doesn't benefit women.

You know who encouraging women to stay in bad relationships and claiming that any woman who doesnt encourage other women to stay in bad relationships is a lonely man hater benefits?

Men.

It benefits men who want to be able to treat women badly and still get their dinner cooked and their cock sucked.

I've been married for 25 years and counting because I didn't marry and stay with someone who didn't give a shit about me.

Don't try to tell women we need to stay with the wrong men.

Edited
Show quote history

We now have so many MRAs on here, I would no longer assume posters are female.