To think this is my queue to move out now

[Givealittlerespecttome]

After several years of renting and no plan for the future, I tell my boyfriend we need a plan and he says 'I don't know what to say.'
I'm usually the one doing all the work so he sees I'm upset then reluctantly looks at flats for all of 5 minutesethen gets bored.
I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.
The saving grace is that our lettings agency phoned yesterday and said that we never actually signed our tenancy back in September, so technically they're only owed a month's notice.

OP, you are clearly a kind person - but forget about his feelings. If you worry about his feelings now, you will regret it when you are 40 and still in this limbo. Women have a limited time available to sort this stuff out, whereas men can dick around more or less forever and still get a woman pregnant.

There will be someone out there who's desperate to find a nice, kind woman in her 30s who doesn't already have a failed marriage and children.

I wish it were only a queuing issue 😂
Thank you, I'll get better in time.. maybe once I've gone he will change his mind but I can't bank on it.

Do it! And meet someone who isn't 'just for now'

If you're going to meet his relatives, that sounds like a move down the commitment road?

If not, then yes, I would feign illness and pack instead. That seaside studio sounds fab!

Life is too short to spend with half arsed people. What I realised was when you let the wankers go, that leaves a vacuum for good ones to arrive. Hopefully.

Good luck

I've already met his family, seen them many times over the years, sorry I meant some other relatives of his like cousins etc. Who he hasn't seen in years.

@Givealittlerespecttome my ex was like this - he's telling you he's not sure about you. I genuinely really believe someone mostly should be excited to spend their life with you (if not love bombing). Find someone who will do.

Seriously, you aren't having a relationship with them tho

Ignore the goady baiters attacking your spelling and grammar. They're not worth even engaging with. Makes them feel better trying to make someone else feel like shit. Ignore them!

He sounds a little like the last guy I was with. Super wishy washy.
I want to be with you. I can't see a future with you. I want you in my life. I'm not sure how I feel about you. You're great and this is going really well. I don't think I'll ever be in love with you.

Was enough to send a woman bloody mad 😂

Maybe it caught him by surprise or something but to me this indicates that maybe nows the time for a proper, serious chat about your future.
Don't sit around wasting your life for this guy if it's not working.

Sadly, I agree with this.

neatly proving my point

Life is too short to be second guessing everything like this and if you’ve been totally transparent about the conversations you said you’ve had then he’s not even able to give you bare minimum. It’s ok to be turned off and disappointed by this - in fact I wish more women were conditioned earlier to see this as an ‘ick’ rather than turning inwards to soul search about whether theyre good enough! You deserve someone to know and be able to enunciate how they feel about you. You’re not demanding he feels the same but just asking for communication.

Practically, definitely don’t go away to his family if you’re serious about moving out. you’ll have a horrible time and it’s kinder to them in the long run too. If I were you I would take the flat. If you can line it up, tell him before he leaves that you’ll not be there when he gets back - also gives him the option to stay a bit longer if he needs or wants. Refund or change the ticket and go get that little seaside studio. Wishing you all the happiness there :)

@Givealittlerespecttome grab the opportunity with the new flat.

“I ask him hypothetically if he could see himself living with me in another 5-10 years and he sighs and says.. I don't know.. it's hard to say.”

he sounds like he’s contemplating another tenancy with a room mate not someone he’s meant to be in love with!!

never mind how he will feel, or a bloody reservation his family have made - how do you feel when your relationship of 3 years has been summarised by your boyfriend with the verbal equivalent of a shrug.

He’s a drifter and will land back on his feet when you dump him and continue to drift through life and relationships. He’s hardly a catch and has the emotional skills of a jellyfish.

move on. New chapters. Fresh adventures.

If someone who treats you like this is your everything you need to re-evaluate your life. I suspect if he had not brought you down so much you would not feel that way. At a few months you would feel more positive about being with someone in 5 years than this - if you didn't why would you bother continuing in a relationship. It comes across very much that he is trying to get you to do the dirty work of breaking up with him. He is a knob, bin him and why put yourself or his family though a pointless meeting.

How predictable

Why pretend to be ill, sit him down and ask him again, if he gives you the same answer, then explain why you won't be going with him this weekend. He may realise how serious you're being.
Why are you the one to leave the bed sit, if it's a bargain, and you can afford it on your own, put the tenancy agreement in your name and sign it, he will have to leave if you don't want him to stay.

Do it.

A studio flat by the seaside sounds brilliant!

Oh no no no. I can't stand men who don't know what they want and can't get shit done.

Go live your life, woman! Get the studio - that sounds like a great step forward. Good luck.

Sorry I meant the bedsit thing I've found is something else nearer my offices. I don't work here, his workplace is within walking distance of our flat so it makes sense for him to stay. It turns out he did sign the agreement unfortunately but luckily there's not long left on the tenancy so I will pay it till then, then it's up to him what he does.

A life isn't awful.if it's childless you know or just renting.but if u have set ideas about a successful life then go it alone or find another

Don’t wait around waiting for him to see your worth and take action. There are plenty of people out there who could see it and you deserve to never have to doubt someone sees it and acts accordingly. Leave, rebuild a life that brings you endless joy without his input and rebuild your self esteem (overcoming low self esteem is a great book).

The easiest/default option on MN always seems to be a variation on LTB. But tbh are all the PPs suggesting this here long-term singletons themselves or really lucky to have found the 'forever one'?

I doubt it.

Why fuck up a planned weekend with people who are keen to see you, that you normally get on with for what could just be a relationship 'blip' in the great scheme of things. Just because they're related to your boyfriend? They might actually agree with you.

I wouldn't blame anyone for being uncertain about the future at the moment so maybe just go with the flow a bit but be open to suggestion and opportunity and let your BF, who you love, know that you're leaning that way.