Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

[Dad0f1]

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

they would have made it fun and a learning experience and always exciting for children to be off site

and you took that away from him

If he attends this service it will have absolutely no effect on his ability to decide for himself at a later date, which is what you say you want for him.

Yeah, YABU. If you're going to withdraw them from these services, you should have chosen a different school. It's church school, it's in the name.

You sent your child to a CofE school
There’s going to be an element of worship
surely you were aware of this?

I think you really unreasonable
why can’t he experience going to a church? It will have zero impact on his choices later in life
You sound massively inflexible and OTT

I would just let him go along with it. A few church services won't make him religious, and he's missing out on a fun trip with his friends.

I went to a C of E school (it was the closest to our house) and my parents and I are atheists. It had no effect - in fact I remember not saying grace because I thought it was silly. I was probably about 7.

It’s a church school so you’re going to come across a lot of this. Don’t make him feel different!

I think it's unreasonable to put your kid in a religious school in the first place if you don't want them to be involved in religion at all.

Also your child would probably enjoy that activity with their classmates.

Very unreasonable. You should have chosen the school that wasn't religious if you don't want your child to attend any services.

Not sure what damage you think saying amen will do either.

You're completely unreasonable - you set him up for this.

Send him to the two form school if you can't stomach things like this.

It's an opportunity to be with his peers and be part of a collective. He's not going to be a full on raging Christian by attending these things.

How can he make his mind up if you hide it from him?

I think since you've sent him to that school, it's a bit rich to pull him out of anything religious. He will surely feel confused and isolated to be left out.

YABVU. You send him to a church school but don't want to do the church bit. He's not going to be indoctrinated. I presume this is Christmas related? Why would you deny him that experience?

For reference, I'm Catholic. Went to a Catholic school. Once I became an adult I lapsed because I don't agree with the teachings of the Catholic Church. That situation remains. However, I do like to attend (a non Catholic) church occasionally and especially at Christmas. For your child, it's just another learning experience.

YABU. You shouldn't send him to a religion based school for your own benefit and then exclude him from his classmates like this. If you can't deal with it, take him out and put him in the state school.

Yes. YABU

Why send him to a CofE school? Spectacular own goal.

You have the right to withdraw your child from worship even though it's a religious school.

Personally I would allow him to go to things like carol service but I wouldn't be that keen on this sort of thing either

YBVU- If this was such a line in the sand for you, you shouldn't have taken a place at the CofE school.

YABU. Can’t you just talk to your child and explain what will happen and why, and say he doesn’t have to eat the wafer if he doesn’t want to? I went to a CofE school because it was the closest and best school in the town. Prayers and hymns were a daily occurrence so it’s impossible to avoid really! I’m still friends with 5 girls from school and no one is religious so it can’t have been that influencing.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of the OP's specific circumstances, I presume that we can all agree that the concept of state funded church schools is outrageous.

Also- how can he make up his own mind if he isn't allowed to experience it?

You sent him to cof E school, let him join with his mates
Or change school

I went to CofE school, Sunday school and studied RE at high school. I'm a complete athiest now by the way but find the writings, history and culture of different religion interesting and has opened the door to meeting so many wonderful people. Don't close your child off from his peers/experiences when you have actively chosen to send your child to a religious school.

I think a small child of that age would just be excited to be with their friends outside of school.

I am as atheist as they come but went along to services like this with school as a child, probably just for something a bit extra curricular to do - harvest festival etc.

Why don't you use it as an opportunity to start to 'teach' him about religion so therefore he can make a decision later in life. Which, unless you are raising them in a religious household, is what most parents probably plan on doing.

If you mean Were you unreasonable , then yeah.

you picked the wrong school didn’t you. You wanted all the stuff but none of the religion.

Totally unreasonable as someone else could have had that school place and embraced it.

You do realise that church schools are not wholly state funded don’t you? If everyone refused to send their child to one, the education budget would explode!

The OP is totally entitled to send her child to a church school and withdraw them from religious services.

Because the school takes public money, they don't have the right to exclude non religious children.