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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was we unreasonable to withdraw our child from a school church service?

830 replies

Dad0f1 · 30/11/2023 12:01

Hello everyone new member here just looking for some advice/reassurance that I/we've made the right decision regarding withdrawing our child from a church service at school.

So our DS who is our first child started Reception this September at our local CofE primary school and although neither myself or my OH are church goers we felt that this was the best school for him as the other practical nearby choices were a RC school or a two form entry state school which our DS would not have coped with.

And to be fair our DS has settled in nicely making lots of new friends and seems to be enjoying it however, the other week we was informed that the children would be attending a 'School Communion Service' in the nearby church that the school is attached to and not having a clue what this was I enquired with the Head of RE what the service entailed, how involved DS would be in the service and what was expected of him during the service.

As I suspected the service was in their words 'a simplified child friendly version of the Holy Communion Service' which would include bread and wine for those who were confirmed (as apparantly the children are offered the option to be confirmed if they wish in Y6) but the Reverend overseeing ther service likes to get the children involved so will offer all the children confirmed or not a wafer if they want one.
Also 'prompts' would flash up on a big screen at various points during the service to let the children know when to say 'Amen' etc.

Now to the reason why I/we chose to withdraw my DS from this service. Although the Head of RE made a point to explain that worship is voluntary at the school and that the children are free to take part in worship as much or as little as they wish. I very much doubt that children aged 4 or 5 can grasp the concept of this especially as they are at an age where they want to please the adults around them.
This is also made difficult for them not to be involved if they wish when they have 'prompts' flashing up on a big screen to help/nudge them into reciting a paticular phrase and when everyone around them is then repeating it parrot fashion.

Whilst we do want our DS to learn about Christianity we also want him to make up his own mind about whether to accept it or reject it in later life.
So AI/WBU to withdraw him from school church services that are being conducted like this or should I let him experience them bearing in mind his young age?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 02/12/2023 14:49

As long as the faith schools are the government provision for a free education, then they are indeed first and foremost an educational institution. They have a responsibility of non-discrimination and inclusion.

that is why faith schools should not be part of the government provisioned schools system.

JaniceJanice · 02/12/2023 17:28

Chinhairsoftheworldunite · 02/12/2023 12:38

@Mischance

I understand your argument but the problem is that if church schools diluted their message in such a way it became palatable for aetheists then they would be letting down the community that supports them ( the parish). You are still all viewing church schools as educational institutions first when I don’t think they are ( I think they should be, but not that they actually are). They are part of the church community and as such have to support the parishioners who financially and spiritually support them ( do aetheists come up after mass and donate to the school fund ?) There is so much that is done but rarely seen in church communities that keeps the community going - often it is done by the elderly and done from their place of contribution to a shared belief - that’s who you are taking from and they do it because their experiences have taught them that their faith is true.

Theres’s a horrible attitude towards religion on here that comes from a very privileged place that seems to think all Christianity is like the CofE light version. There are people I have met who will say that the Church helped them turn their life around from being homeless, drugs addicts, bereft of all hope, war refugees, young mothers on their own - just humans who at some point have needed help from outside when their problems became too much for them on their own - these are often the people you meet in the Church community and you have to view the space as something that worked for them when, for whatever reason, nothing else did (or was there, as is often the case). That is their community you are going into - it’s very real to them and again, the answer is to use the mechanisms we have here such as free schools to provide the alternatives people need. We’ve had years of attacks on faith schools yet how many non faith, free schools opened up in that time? How many did all the vocal aetheists set up? If they had, we would, over time, see a move in favour of that system from families and the communities they build that would have pulled the dynamics of the whole landscape in the direction we all ultimately want - happy, healthy places for children where credible educational methodology and content is at the centre. Instead of doing something, you’ve just all piled on to often some of the most vulnerable communities (again not all of us are middle class CofE) and demanded something without seeing it’s already there (as someone up thread pointed out, you can access these schools, you just can’t change their beliefs that there faith is correct within that setting). This is about something else, I think.

No one is taking anything from the church community- there are so many faith primary schools in England that if they only allow regularly church attending children to go they would be half empty!

My sons RC school has single form entry and can only manage one class of year 3+4 together. The c of e we considered has one class of year R+year1, and also combines year 2+3 etc… they still have places left in the classes.

What is actually true is that without non religious parents using these schools then many would have to shut.

Also individuals shouldn’t have to set up free schools in order to avoid religious education- being religious is not the default for state schools. If anything, faiths should have to set up and totally fund faith schools if they want to offer them to their congregation. Then they can turn away anyone they don’t think is religious enough.

Mischance · 02/12/2023 17:56

Also individuals shouldn’t have to set up free schools in order to avoid religious education- being religious is not the default for state schools. If anything, faiths should have to set up and totally fund faith schools if they want to offer them to their congregation. Then they can turn away anyone they don’t think is religious enough.

Exactly.

Waverleyst · 12/12/2023 23:05

@jennytheonionslayer I’ve never been approached by the god squad. Where do you come across them?

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