AIBU to ask if what I said was horribly offensive?

[Plantain1234]

Me and DD went for breakfast at a restaurant over the weekend. After I ordered Plantain to go with my breakfast, DD told me that her friend (who is mixed heritage) also loves plantain. For a bit of background, DD's friend's Mum was born in the UK to parents who came from the Caribbean in the 1950s.

I asked DD if her friend's liking of plantain came from his Mum's family. I was just meaning that as Plantain is so widely eaten in the Caribbean, that they might have had family recipes passed down through the generations. I feel that plantain is not widely eaten in UK and is not appreciated as much as it could be.

DD looked horrified when I asked the question about whether her friend's liking of plantain came from his Mum. Is what I said racist? I wasn't thinking it was when I said it, but would be grateful for opinions, so I can avoid being unintentionally offensive in future.

On behalf of my three nieces, my mum, my sister and my aunt, my grandmother and her five sisters who either are or were teachers and apolitical who teach/taught an apolitical curriculum, you don’t know shit from shinola.

You disgrace every educator whose classes in which you sat. For the shame of it all.

You're totally ignoring the fact that peoples likes tend to be heavily influenced by what they're brought up on and that many people are brought up on food that is common in their culture😂Obviously there's no guarantee but there is a an extremely strong link that can't be denied 😂

I'm Irish and love potatoes and Irish stew and bacon and cabbage etc.
If I was brought up in Italy or by Italian parents then chances are that most likely I'd be more into Italian cuisine.

There's also regional dishes.

Coddle for example. Most people outside Dublin don't eat it and it doesn't appeal to them because they weren't brought up eating it. Most people I know from Dublin love it because they were brought up eating it.

It's not some kind of fluke that people in Dublin all randomly liked the taste of it as individuals, but people outside of Dublin didn't.

@SaySomethingMan It is many, many years since I was in school, but I know that what I wanted at the time was that my teachers taught me useful and/or interesting information in a way that I could understand. I neither wanted nor expected them to shape the future world for me.

Quite a long time ago my children were in our public education system. I wanted the teachers to be competent at teaching them in an easy to understand and encouraging way, and when possible, a fun way too. I neither wanted or expected them to shape the future world for them.

I now have Grandchildren, so I am only (quite rightly) in a position where I can observe their education from the outside, and congratulate them, or commiserate with, and encourage them, when I am told of any feedback from their schools. What I don't share aloud to either my Grandchildren or their parents, is my expectation of their education from their schools. I expect that you might be able to make an educated guess about most of what I am about to say next.

I want their teachers to be competent, friendly, intelligent, and to teach my Grandchildren in an easy to understand and encouraging way, and when possible, a fun way too. I neither want, or expect them to even attempt to shape the future world for my Grandchildren or anyone else. I expect the teachers themselves to always present themselves as being extremely knowledgeable about their subject/s, but without being overbearing, arrogant, or boring about it, and that they show kindness, patience and empathy, and that they have commonsensence (in spades) as well.

Of course I realise that at the moment teachers are still real live human beings - long may that continue - and that hopefully, being the wonderful and amazing human beings that most of them seem to be, they will of course have bad days, or even weeks and months (but hopefully not for their own sakes), and if any particular day is so bad, whether through illness, or for any other reason, then I hope that they will take the time off work. I know that good teachers will be loathe to let their students down, but I don't actually think that anyone putting themselves first when they are feeling really ill, or out of sorts, is letting anyone else down, as no-one can give their best when they are struggling within themselves.

I am beyond knowing how this will come across (apart from being far too long winded) as I seem to be very good at giving people the wrong, or sometimes even the opposite impression, of what I am trying to say. So please know that I don't intend any offence by what I am saying here, and I'm very sorry if it appears that I do.

I am not offended by your remark and i come from Afro-carribean heritage background too,

you were just showing appreaction of the kind of food you were going to have

this is a non issue

I wish this being, seeing 👀 imagined slights, issues about allmost anything would stop

as it really undermining of real issues out there

Plantains- so like bananas -Was given one at a barbecue, grilled in it's skin , split down the middle with melted chocolate squares in it - it was a lovely treat.

@BlueEyedPeanut

Here we go on the pertually exhauating offended by anything carasoul merry go around again 🙄

comments you are making there

pedantic

Oops typo mistakes exhausting *

perpetually *

Not racist. Respectfully interested in cultures and foods.

very racist. I also get offended when people ask if I enjoy an English breakfast after living here for most of my life, if my Bangladeshi family taught me to cook rice and if I prefer sushi from Japanese restaurants rather than tesco. how could you OP. no more plantain for you until you learn not to be racist.

Sounds bloody delicious!

Christ you sound like hard work.

I make a simple sate sauce of smooth peanut butter, sweetchilli sauce, hot water until I have a sate consistency sauce.

It is incredible as a dipping sauce for fried plantain or a good old banana on its own.

I serve it with rice, fried chicken, banana chopped on the side, sprinkled with thinly sliced spring onion and toasted sesame seeds.

So simple but one of those dishes that children and adults adore.

In a pinch I have used good quality chicken breast goujons as an even faster meal.

Wow. Here's your shovel, keep digging.

Maybe we should start calling them ‘meat testicles’ 🤣

100%.

The reality is that most people they encounter in the workplace are there for the salary and are only interacting with them for this reason. They may play it safe and bite their tongue for fear of HR repercussions but alienating yourself from your colleagues is never going to help you get along.

We've got a woman at work that always takes offence/is a massive jobsworth and as a result nobody will ever go out of their way to help her. The rest of us work as a team and cover each other's backs. I've made some colossal cock ups before now and got away with it because I get on with the plant staff.

Last time I accidently added several hundred litres of additional water to a batch and wasted literally thousands of £££ of materials. Plant supervisor knew it was an honest mistake and unlikely to happen again so he just blamed it on the faulty seal which was about to be replaced. Had this woman done it she'd have been in serious hot water.

Thanks for this. Sounds lovely. I have some sweet chili sauce in the cupboard already. I will use it to try this recipe. 👏

This sounds amazing!
Thanks for sharing.

I'm guessing it is because it is an assumption based on a stereotype. I'd say it was your use of "from his mum" that annoyed your daughter.

In this case there was no assumption made @BlueEyedPeanut . So there was no stereotyping.

OP's DD told her that her friend loved plantain. OP didn't just assume she did because of her mum's background. OP didn't assume that she liked it for family reasons either. She speculated that this might be case (as is quite likely) and asked a question.

I used to make the sate sauce from scratch but did this one day for my youngest who loves it and her friend.

They loved it and the easy version has remained.

Dipping a banana into it as I have made it is my chefs treat here and it absolutely divine.

Add a little extra heat via cayenne pepper if you like.

My own fried chicken recipe is simple too and delicious.

In a bowl I put a couple of desert spoons of grated ginger from a jar or fresh.
Add in a really good shake of soy sauce, two teaspoons of cornflour and a shake of oil.
Mix the lot together and add your chopped chicken. Give it 30 minutes to marinade if you can.

Fry hard. Delicious moist chicken.

A really easy feast that it is hard to overstate how simple yet delicious it is.

Everyone loves it and so flipping easy.

No wonder the art of conversation is dying and some fear speaking at all. Okay it’s nowhere near as bad as people were taken away to reeducation camps and some died but it reminds me a bit of children in the cultural revolution informing on their own parents.

Of course how people are raised affects what they eat. I’m Chinese and DH is white, he can cook but I love cooking so our DS has been raised on mainly Asian food. When his GF started to come over she had only ever had an occasional Chinese take away. Now she has enjoyed a couple of Chinese New Years with us and looks forward to it as it’s a feast thats puts Christmas dinner to shame, takes me about 3 days of prep, I spend half a day carving vegetables in to flowers. She has taken a big interest and I love that she asks questions.

Oh my quote went missing. That wasn't for you OP 🤣

I love how utterly butthurt all the "they're so permanently offended" people sound, you sound like perma-offended snowflakes but I bet none of you have got the excuse of being a 20 year old idealist.

I'm Scottish, and I love haggis, I don't like haggis because I'm Scottish, my mum hates haggis and I've never seen it in our family home.

I think OPs daughter is being a bit precious, importantly in the example OP gave she is not assuming that friend likes something, she's actually been told that she does like it and she's deduced cultural influence, which is probably right but is still an assumption based in Jamaican therefore loves plantain.

What “attitude”, exactly?