AIBU to ask if what I said was horribly offensive?

[Plantain1234]

Me and DD went for breakfast at a restaurant over the weekend. After I ordered Plantain to go with my breakfast, DD told me that her friend (who is mixed heritage) also loves plantain. For a bit of background, DD's friend's Mum was born in the UK to parents who came from the Caribbean in the 1950s.

I asked DD if her friend's liking of plantain came from his Mum's family. I was just meaning that as Plantain is so widely eaten in the Caribbean, that they might have had family recipes passed down through the generations. I feel that plantain is not widely eaten in UK and is not appreciated as much as it could be.

DD looked horrified when I asked the question about whether her friend's liking of plantain came from his Mum. Is what I said racist? I wasn't thinking it was when I said it, but would be grateful for opinions, so I can avoid being unintentionally offensive in future.

I work in a primary school and younger children are doing this as well. Friendship issues are labelled bullying, asking questions about someone’s culture or just a factual comment about nationality is deemed racist. We teach them about diversity, tolerance and acceptance which they then apply literally to every comment or discussion. I find it quite worrying actually that we teach them so much but they learn nothing from it and we seem to be going backwards. The children seem to have a very fixed mindset and are unwilling to accept that people can have different opinions on the same subject which are equally valid. I know they are still young and learning but I truly worry that these are the workforce of the future who will not be able to work together professionally because they are so fixed in their mindset.

is your daughters namenella

of course its not bloody racist

No I wouldn’t say it’s racist at all.

But it’s a very odd question to ask and I understand why she’d wonder WTF you are on about.

I can’t imagine a Chinese person ordering rice and someone asking if she likes it because she’s Chinese.

I was in a stationery shop with DS19 buying a pen. DS commented that the woman stood next to me at the pen stand had written “trans rights” on the jotter they leave for you to try the pens.
Of course he knew it would set me off.

I ranted to him about my views which backfired on him because the woman was stood behind me in the queue.

He then proceeded to give me the “trans” speech, which was rather tongue in cheek since he is a critical thinker but knows that it’s deeply off trend to be gender critical.

So to embarrass him further I slipped back to the jitter and added “women’s rights transcend“ “trans rights”.

DS rapidly disappeared out of the shop at that point. Once outside he said “ I can’t believe you did that” with a grin from ear to ear.

He often forgets that I grew up when women’s rights were still being contested and I’m not about to let men get their grubby hands on them.

🤣🤣🤣 this is so true! Ps I'm a white woman btw who doesn't get offended on everyone's behalf 😉

@Oncetwicethreetimesalady if people ask me if I like chicken soup/matzo/gefilter fish, because of my culture, absolutely the answer is yes, followed by "would you like to try some?"

Buy her one of those lovely modern cookbooks for Christmas where someone chats through discovering their heritage through family food.

ooh wait for me my favurite

I've never had it! What's it like?

all British people do like fish and chips

It’s only the same as me loving pie barms because my parents are from Lancashire and DDs first word being pasty because we live in Plymouth I think

Do you really have to ask this? You’re an adult and know that it wasn’t offensive. Your dd is young and hasn’t grasped the concept of context yet.

If a kid mixed heritage it would be reasonable to assume they have different influences brought by both cultures around food, dress etc. Struggling to see it as racist tbh.

I agree.. pretty scary

It's always people offended on the behalf of others too, totally ridiculous

You need to ask her to explain OP. If she is going to give you horrified looks, then she needs to explain herself. Why are you looking at me like that DD? Can you explain to me how my comment could be seen as racist? Open a discussion. That way whichever of you has the compelling and rational argument in their favour migjt be able to educate the other.

@Ladybughello And here you are being utterly ridiculous about a situation you know nothing about. Neither do you know a thing about me otherwise you'd not make such stupid comments.

I guess its the assumption that made your DD think it was racist, but no I don't think it was racist. And I don't think you were implying a negative connatation.
(In saying that unless we're from a place that eats those I don't think it's up to us to say whether something is racist or not).

I don't think that's racist, I'd just assume you meant they liked plantain because that side of their family cooks it as it's part of their culture.

We eat quite a mix of food at home, with me and dh being from different countries. We cook plantain and dcs know it's from their dad's culture (and eaten in other places).

Yes, knowledge of meat and potato pies would immediately define you as from the North West.
And eating Christmas cake with cheese, defo from Yorkshire.
Plantain is very specific to the Caribbean so it would be perfectly ok to assume that someone with a Caribbean heritage would like it, regardless of race. Not all Caribbeans are black.

Is that why my son likes haggis? Because I am Scottish? Is that racist?

Yes, this poster has articulated it better than me. Also I think assuming someone Indian eats curry every day is ignorant and racist

I agree with this. Also with @Jewelspun.

Far too many looking for things to be offended about, half the time on someone else’s behalf or purely just to be offended imo.

I didn’t say I was “offended”. But it’s difficult to understand how you would “struggle” to remember someone’s pronouns, unless you have dementia. Sound more likely to be purposeful fingers in ears.

The lefty curriculum which is largely the work of Michael Gove, a fairly right wing Tory?

This is nothing like where do you really come from. The op KNOWS their cultural heritage, she isn’t guessing or making assumptions or othering, she is just referring to their known family history. Which is normal. Ask your dd if she’d be more comfortable pretending her friends family lived in Britain forever and never had anyone come from elsewhere, and how awkward and weird denying mention of someone’s background would be, not to mention genuinely racist if you take the people with foreign backgrounds and install a rule that you won’t talk about anything to do with their history or tradition.