AIBU to ask if what I said was horribly offensive?

[Plantain1234]

Me and DD went for breakfast at a restaurant over the weekend. After I ordered Plantain to go with my breakfast, DD told me that her friend (who is mixed heritage) also loves plantain. For a bit of background, DD's friend's Mum was born in the UK to parents who came from the Caribbean in the 1950s.

I asked DD if her friend's liking of plantain came from his Mum's family. I was just meaning that as Plantain is so widely eaten in the Caribbean, that they might have had family recipes passed down through the generations. I feel that plantain is not widely eaten in UK and is not appreciated as much as it could be.

DD looked horrified when I asked the question about whether her friend's liking of plantain came from his Mum. Is what I said racist? I wasn't thinking it was when I said it, but would be grateful for opinions, so I can avoid being unintentionally offensive in future.

Don’t worry op, I’m mixed with a parent from Jamaica and have a child with a man from Jamaica and if I heard you I wouldn’t be offended at all, neither would my kids.

This is what is terrifying of the next generation, you can't say anything without someone being offended. They are all being taught everything is offensive. It's absurd and a massive issue that is being driven by an insane minority and the majority are scared and letting it happen.

Sorry rant over. Clearly nothing wrong with your very normal comment.

Lame. Hope your daughter is young and has a lot of growing up to do.

Thanks everyone for reassuring me that I have not been horribly offensive. To those who asked, DD is 20. She didn't really explain why she thought my comment was so out of order. She just looked horrified when I said it, leading me to try and explain that I hadn't meant to cause offence.

Sad that you think avoiding “micro-agressions” is a trivial issue. Hopefully you’ve not got long to stay in the profession and you can make way for
those who take EDI seriously and want to shape the world for the next generation in that way.

This

I've got a perma-offended 16 year old son. Spends half his life giving me dirty looks when I express perfectly valid opinions. 🤣

Where are they getting their righteous uber offendedness from?! Sure teachers have enough to do than inculcate this so its not them and it sure isnt from us parents.. !

That’s like my daughter’s lecturer at Uni asking her if she likes marmite because of me - we are in Germany so it’s not sold here normally, only in English shops. I would never see that as racist.

I guessed she was 10… Honestly, she needs to get a grip.

Same here but with vegemite and meatballs. Ridiculous.

I think it's racist , just because the grandparents are from jamaica doesn't mean she likes plantain because of it. You like it and your grandparents are not from Jamaica. Do all the british people like fish and chips?

You must have so many problems to navigate through in daily life.

My Indian former neighbour (married to an Englishman) always proclaimed proudly that her son inherited her love of a good hot fiery curry. She used to tell everyone!!

Obviously anything and everything a parent says to one of their dc’s friends is going to be embarrassing. I once said hello to one of my dd’s friends and was told “don’t be so cringe!”.
But, on the other hand, I would refrain from asking even remotely personal questions of their friends particularly if it could possibly even in the most vague way be interpreted negatively. Asking about a person’s heritage ie. “does your liking of plantain come from your mum’s family?” I’d think was a bit dodgy because you’re poking around in the “but where do you really come from?” territory which is I guess what your daughter might have been expecting could come next. Your daughter might also be aware that her friend might be carrying bad experiences as baggage and therefore be more sensitive.

I dared to admire one of Nadiya's headscarves, I was given a lecture by my hortified DD about how it was a hijab and how offensive and racist it was to say such things😅 it's the way of the teenage world I'm.afraid

Uhh yeah. The plaintain thing was fine. Your attitude to a transgender person is not. Let’s not mix up the two.

ODFOD. This has absolutely nothing to do with left-wing ideology, and everything to do with simple ignorance.

🙄 there is no attitude towards transgender people.

You can't always lie to yourself when your eyes see a man but they insist they're a woman.

I'm afraid you're getting offended on behalf of trans people.

DH and I are both white European. If our DC grows up to like pickled herring it will certainly not be from my side, but because it's a regular dish on DH's family table.

I expect if (for example) a British / Japanese couple had a child who loved fish and chips, it might be supposed or assumed that their taste for it comes from the British parent, yes.

Sliced with a bit of garlic salt and paprika. Yum.

The problem is a lot of people nowadays don't define racism or being racist as someone using race in an antagonistic attacking or denigrating away, but in mentioning race whatsoever. Like with the royal family member getting called "racist" for merely asking what the complexion of a baby might be or when an old person mentions someone is "coloured" because that's what the term was and they didn't know any better. Yes these things can be old fashioned but is something really racist if there is no negative intent.

You didn’t say anything offensive.

Your daughter is still figuring things out. I remember being awkward and ultra cautious at that age (as well as perpetually mortified by my parents). She’ll grow out of it.

I didn't directly question DD's friend as he wasn't with us at the time. I don't think I would have asked him directly if his liking of plantain came from his Mum. Perhaps if I wouldn't have said the comment to DD's friend, it's a sign that I shouldn't have said it at all. Good for thought.

For heaven’s sake! Do young people now take degrees in getting offended???

I have a neighbour (Indian family) whose house always smells fantastic as they drive past with wonderful curry smells. If I mention that am I being racist? I hope not - would like to get invited round for dinner!