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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

362 replies

CaraVann · 29/11/2023 09:01

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

OP posts:
Aposterhasnoname · 29/11/2023 09:03

Why don’t you sleep in the caravan if it’s so comfy?

NotSorry · 29/11/2023 09:06

I slept in our caravan when DH had Covid and I was shielding. I set the heating on timer and it was lovely and warm when I went to bed. I bloody loved the peace and quiet. YANBU OP

DysonSphere · 29/11/2023 09:09

Ear plugs for you and the children? You can get specially custom made ones from an audiologist that are specially adapted to your ear shape and more comfortable.

Sorry, but to ask a hardworking man striving to help his family, to sleep out in the Caravan is unreasonable imo. I can however see that the sleep is an issue but I say get some ear plugs. Since you're a light sleeper that is reasonable.

SoRainbowRhythms · 29/11/2023 09:11

He's properly grafting in freezing conditions. Don't kick him out of his own bed.

betterangels · 29/11/2023 09:11

YABVU. Get some ear plugs. Or choose the caravan.

ShennyInfinity · 29/11/2023 09:11

Given that all you've said, I don't think that's unreasonable at all to be honest, it's warm in the caravan so I can't see it being a problem especially when the whole house is disturbed and it's not like it's every month of the year, so no, you're not being unreasonable.

Thelmsie · 29/11/2023 09:13

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Lucy377 · 29/11/2023 09:13

You have a dog problem not a DH problem.
He's doing nothing wrong.
If you didn't have a barking dog it'd be fine.
Would the dog still hear him out in the caravan?

TheDuck2018 · 29/11/2023 09:15

Why don’t you sleep in the caravan if it’s so comfy?

Literally what I was coming on to say.
What is the point in working extra shifts to earn more money if you're just going to spend it on hearing a caravan?

WearyLady · 29/11/2023 09:17

You and the dog should both sleep in the caravan.
Your poor DH, out in all weathers for the good of his family and the community. I bet all that keeps him going is the thought of his own warm bed.

justforthisnow · 29/11/2023 09:17

Lucy377 · 29/11/2023 09:13

You have a dog problem not a DH problem.
He's doing nothing wrong.
If you didn't have a barking dog it'd be fine.
Would the dog still hear him out in the caravan?

This 100%

PinkDeer · 29/11/2023 09:18

I don’t get the bit about leaving the car on the side road? Where does he usually park it and why does it have to be left on a side road because you have no side entrance? How would he get to the caravan? And would the dog not bark anyway if he heard him going through the garden to the caravan? Could the dog go out to work with your husband in the gritter.? My friend is a tree surgeon and his rescue dog goes out to work with him in his truck because he can’t be left on his own in the house.

Whinge · 29/11/2023 09:18

Lucy377 · 29/11/2023 09:13

You have a dog problem not a DH problem.
He's doing nothing wrong.
If you didn't have a barking dog it'd be fine.
Would the dog still hear him out in the caravan?

I agree. The dog is waking most of the house and there's a good chance it would still bark when DH arrives home, which means the caravan idea won't fix the problem.

I think you need to tackle to dog barking, and then ear plugs for you as a light sleeper.

gannett · 29/11/2023 09:19

YANBU. If it was just you being disturbed as a light sleeper I'd have suggested you go to the caravan but this affects the kids as well, and given the dog's reactions there doesn't seem any way around it.

At the very least he should agree to it during your daughter's exam season. Long term I would look into dog training - maybe there are dog behavioural experts you could research. Because the situation doesn't feel sustainable indefinitely.

Dubbledup · 29/11/2023 09:20

Has he tried letting the dog into the street to greet him before he comes in?

I agree it's a dog problem though.

keye · 29/11/2023 09:21

Fuck that shit.

You want to kick your husband out into a freezing caravan in sub zero temperatures because the dog barks?

If I were your husband I would be leaving you over this what an utterly nasty way to treat someone.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 29/11/2023 09:23

I also agree that it's a dog problem.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to sleep in a caravan in freezing weather, and spending a ton of money to heat the caravan defeats the object of taking on extra shifts. You have a spare room, he should be able to sleep in there.

As others have suggested, get ear plugs for you and dc. And get some advice on how to manage your dog.

Hankunamatata · 29/11/2023 09:23

Take turns sleeping in the caravan? Also reccomend foam earplugs and sleephones head phones playing white noise

Hankunamatata · 29/11/2023 09:24

Get an electric blanket for caravan, it would be cheaper

welcometothnuthouse · 29/11/2023 09:24

What is it with ear plugs on MN? Surely if they are that good you wouldn't hear a wake alarm then over sleep as a result.🤔

CaraVann · 29/11/2023 09:25

I’d sleep in the caravan but as it’s disturbing mine and dc sleep it would be a bit cramped all 3 of us in there!
DH chooses to do these hours, they are not compulsory, he likes to do them as he gets the next day off.
I don’t! I still have to work the next day and care for my mum.
Going by some of the replies you’d think dh was the only worker. DS and I still have to work. Dd still has school.
Ear plugs may work for the DC but I have tinnitus and they exacerbate the issue, my ent consultant has advised me against them.

OP posts:
loudbatperson · 29/11/2023 09:25

Why don't you and the dog sleep in the caravan if you think it's so cosy?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/11/2023 09:25

Put the dog in the caravan.

betterangels · 29/11/2023 09:26

keye · 29/11/2023 09:21

Fuck that shit.

You want to kick your husband out into a freezing caravan in sub zero temperatures because the dog barks?

If I were your husband I would be leaving you over this what an utterly nasty way to treat someone.

I honestly thought this as well. There is no chance I'd put up with being sent to the caravan. Spend some of the extra money on dog training if your marriage is important to you.

Whinge · 29/11/2023 09:26

but as it’s disturbing mine and dc sleep it would be a bit cramped all 3 of us in there!

But it's not DH who is disturbing the children's sleep, it's the dog.