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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

362 replies

CaraVann · 29/11/2023 09:01

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

OP posts:
Wiccan · 29/11/2023 10:29

TravelInHope · 29/11/2023 10:23

Why does he have to have the heating on? Surely an extra blanket would be enough? He is a big tough man I take it?

Wow that's stereotyping ! . Men do feel the cold ya know . 🙄

betterangels · 29/11/2023 10:30

TravelInHope · 29/11/2023 10:23

Why does he have to have the heating on? Surely an extra blanket would be enough? He is a big tough man I take it?

This place is just ridiculous sometimes.

Gnomegnomegnome · 29/11/2023 10:32

Put the dog in the caravan.

MILLYmo0se · 29/11/2023 10:33

TheDuck2018 · 29/11/2023 09:15

Why don’t you sleep in the caravan if it’s so comfy?

Literally what I was coming on to say.
What is the point in working extra shifts to earn more money if you're just going to spend it on hearing a caravan?

So the OP gets a lovely nights sleep but the others in the house are still woken by the barking dog when DH leaves the house at 2am? That would be a little selfish of her surely

Goodornot · 29/11/2023 10:33

TravelInHope · 29/11/2023 10:23

Why does he have to have the heating on? Surely an extra blanket would be enough? He is a big tough man I take it?

I'm clearly the only one who picked up on the sarcasm here...

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/11/2023 10:35

Yabu.Dh gets up at 4.30am every weekday and he disturbs me unintentionally as I'm a light sleeper.I don't have to get up til 7.30am though luckily.
He shouldn't go in a caravan just because he's doing his job.Hes working for his family ffs not going nightclubbing

Caerulea · 29/11/2023 10:35

The lack of comprehension on here blows my mind. The moment a dog is mentioned ppl just lose all sense of proportion.

OP clearly stated hubby loves the job & would do it regardless of money.

The dog is just being a dog.

I've a feeling dogs aren't allowed in council vehicles so I don't think that would be a solution. But it would be the perfect one!

Caravan sounds fab & if it were me I'd be happy to do it. Maybe DH could just go out there for the weekdays?

OP - where does the dog sleep? Could it sleep in with you so it's not loose round the house while dh is getting sorted?

Twiglets1 · 29/11/2023 10:35

MILLYmo0se · 29/11/2023 10:33

So the OP gets a lovely nights sleep but the others in the house are still woken by the barking dog when DH leaves the house at 2am? That would be a little selfish of her surely

Not if she brings the dog with her to the caravan

BIWI · 29/11/2023 10:36

Why doesn't he take the dog to work with him? Then there will be no barking when he leaves/comes back.

Folklore9074 · 29/11/2023 10:36

What would I do in your place? I would get rid of the dog OP.

Paddleboarder · 29/11/2023 10:37

I think it should be his decision as to whether he wants to sleep there or not! He's working hard doing difficult shifts and you are all benefitting from that. I can see his point about heating the caravan and the expense, because if he's making extra money doing the gritting, what's the point of spending it on heating when he doesn't need to? I don't know what the solution is though - earplugs, like other people suggested?

FarmGirl78 · 29/11/2023 10:37

You and the dog sleep in the caravan. Kids use earplugs.

Remember that your poor husbands sleep is also being disturbed by having to work split shifts. I'd be fuming if I was him and you wanted me to sleep in a caravan.

RachTheAlpaca · 29/11/2023 10:37

The problem is the dog, it would be worth getting some dog training sessions to tackle the barking and then seems like the rest will fall into place

Morecladding · 29/11/2023 10:38

YANBU in my opinion OP. You've stated your DH chooses these shifts, and would regardless of finances. The caravan is comfortable but he is choosing to disturb the whole house.

DustyLee123 · 29/11/2023 10:38

It’s wouldn’t be permanent, and he’s choosing to do it, so YANBU.

Whinge · 29/11/2023 10:39

OP - where does the dog sleep? Could it sleep in with you so it's not loose round the house while dh is getting sorted?

OP has already said it doesn't matter where the dog is in the house it will still bark. It could sleep with her in the caravan and that would solve all the problems, but OP has ignored everyone who has made that sensible suggestion

FarmGirl78 · 29/11/2023 10:39

BIWI · 29/11/2023 10:36

Why doesn't he take the dog to work with him? Then there will be no barking when he leaves/comes back.

Give over. That's hilarious. I can't think think of any public service job where they'd let you take a dog to work with you.

Wiccan · 29/11/2023 10:40

Goodornot · 29/11/2023 10:33

I'm clearly the only one who picked up on the sarcasm here...

Hard to tell really , it's MN .

Goodornot · 29/11/2023 10:40

DustyLee123 · 29/11/2023 10:38

It’s wouldn’t be permanent, and he’s choosing to do it, so YANBU.

He's choosing to do it for more money for his family that the OP is happy to have.

I can't imagine some people like this exist that would be happy for their partner to sleep outside so as not to set an unruly and untrained dog off.

Blueink · 29/11/2023 10:41

Depends on how much it will cost to heat the caravan, versus the money being brought in for the ‘unsociable hours’ shifts.

Is he flexible to change the shifts to sociable hours, but still get the same pay?

Obviously the current situation isn’t working, mostly because of the dog situation.

Blistory · 29/11/2023 10:41

A lot of posters appear to be offended on the husband's behalf and have ignored the fact that it's not sleeping in the caravan itself that is the issue he has.

And he's not out in Siberia - he's happily sitting in a warm cab with his music on and the night to himself. On the shifts that he has volunteered to do.

He's being asked to consider, for the sake of his family, to occasionaly sleep in a comfortable caravan. Not sure why that appears to make the OP the cruel witch she's being portrayed as.

Caerulea · 29/11/2023 10:41

Whinge · 29/11/2023 10:39

OP - where does the dog sleep? Could it sleep in with you so it's not loose round the house while dh is getting sorted?

OP has already said it doesn't matter where the dog is in the house it will still bark. It could sleep with her in the caravan and that would solve all the problems, but OP has ignored everyone who has made that sensible suggestion

I actually don't disagree with that. I'd happily go off into a nice caravan with my dogs

Caerulea · 29/11/2023 10:42

Blistory · 29/11/2023 10:41

A lot of posters appear to be offended on the husband's behalf and have ignored the fact that it's not sleeping in the caravan itself that is the issue he has.

And he's not out in Siberia - he's happily sitting in a warm cab with his music on and the night to himself. On the shifts that he has volunteered to do.

He's being asked to consider, for the sake of his family, to occasionaly sleep in a comfortable caravan. Not sure why that appears to make the OP the cruel witch she's being portrayed as.

Cos dog 🙄

BIWI · 29/11/2023 10:42

FarmGirl78 · 29/11/2023 10:39

Give over. That's hilarious. I can't think think of any public service job where they'd let you take a dog to work with you.

Why not? He's using a gritting lorry so will be on his own in the cab (presumably). Why couldn't the dog accompany him to that?

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/11/2023 10:42

You and the dog together . Either in caravan or downstairs bedroom.

That way dh can possibly quieten the dog befroe the full house is up. Kids are allowed to sleep through and if you are that tired I am sure you will fall back asleep.