To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

[CaraVann]

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

It's mean. Sorry
He's out there grafting on cold winter nights - and you want him to sleep in a caravan?

Op it's the dog that is waking everyone up so this is the problem. You need to increase training to stop dog barking or find a solution (dog going with DH on gritting shift or dog in caravan for example). It's not fair on DH to be kicked out, it's not fair on you and the kids to have broken sleep all the time.

I know someone who made her H sleep outside and she is now no longer married.

But Dh isn't waking the children, the dog is. If OP thinks DH sleeping in the caravan will fix everything, then presumably OP and the dog sleeping in the caravan will also fix things.

Ear plugs are the answer.
I work shifts and if someone suggested I sleep in a caravan after working ridiculous hours in freezing conditions to bring in much needed cash, I'd be furious.
Use ear plugs. Or perhaps he should use the extra money to stay in a nice hotel away from his ungrateful family.

Dog in caravan with or without OP.
Electric blanket for both of them

If this post is genuine and not a huge wind-up, you are being massively unreasonable.

Your husband is doing an essential and difficult job that benefits the community and brings in extra money for the benefit of you, your family and a stinking bloody dog. What's his reward? Banishment to a caravan in your garden.

If I were him, I'd walk away and never look back. You clearly see him as the least important member of the family (even behind the bloody dog in the pecking order).

The poor man must be a saint to put up with you. Go and sleep in the caravan yourself and take the wretched animal with you.

Yeah this. Multiple posters have suggested you and the dog sleep in the caravan and you've studiously ignored that suggestion. It's the dog waking the house not your DH, it's the dog you need to deal with whether that means you and dog in the caravan, extra training for the dog or whatever. DH working isn't the issue.

How long has he been doing these shifts? The dog may get used to it - my DH works shifts and sometimes comes home in the middle of the night. Our dog knows the sound of his car and runs to greet him without so much as a whimper. And she's generally very barky!

So basically your hubby works double shifts, and keeps strange hours, and goes out in all weathers, and brings in welcome extra income, and you want to force him to sleep in a caravan at the bottom of your yard because he disturbs the family - which you justify by saying the caravan is really nice, and that he enjoys his work. I think your hubby should sleep in the house with the dog, while the rest of you sleep soundly in the cosy caravan, at the bottom of the yard, away from any disturbance.

I don't know why so many people are being so horrible. Presumably it's not every night, and he is choosing to work these shifts. I think it's reasonable request in the circumstances. Not just given all you have on your plate but for DD doing mocks, she needs her sleep and not be missing school buses.

So long as the caravan is a comfortable as you say, and perhaps add an electric blanket on a timer in the caravan. I don't get the worry about the car on a side road - is he concerned it cold get hit be another car?

Sorry about your mum, I know how tough that is.

The day my husband told me to sleep in the caravan would be the day I told him to go fuck himself.

Must be a wind up, yet another one, no-one could be so unreasonable.

Cool user name by the way OP

The irony in saying you are dog lover. Clearly not a husband lover then.

Maybe the husband should take the money and sleep in a hotel, just so he doesn’t disturb the dog... It's fucking mad.

No one has said you're sitting on your arse doing nothing btw. You're clearly not. Your idea is still unreasonable.

I'm not sure that this is relevant to you telling your husband he can't sleep in the house, but I'm very sorry that your mother is terminally ill. You sound exhasuted.

@CaraVann you have not answered the 2 suggestions of your husband taking the dog to work with him ( if allowed) or alternatively, you sleeping in the caravan with the dog.

It’s perfectly nice and warm apparently.

@Gerwurtztraminer

I don't know why so many people are being so horrible.

OP is the one being 'so horrible'

The dog is the problem not your DH. Why don't you and dog sleep in caravan?

So he's making you all extra money and you want him to sleep in the cold? Get some noise cancelling headphones and suck it up. And I would not blame DH for keeping the money for himself.

I knew as soon as the dog was mentioned, how this would go.
Lazy answer.

Surely the cost of heating the caravan is just for a couple of hours when he gets in, and then he's asleep in a warm bed?

He should definitely stay in the caravan. No brainer

Your poor husband is working in freezing cold and during the night - probably comes home cold and knackered - and his loving wife wants him to sleep in the caravan !
wow !
Hw must have the patience of a saint to put up with you !

Your dog needs training.
I’d be seriously pissed off, working in the cold, small hours and having to return to a bloody caravan.
YABVU.

Why would the children sleep in the caravan?