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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my DH to sleep in the caravan when he works these shifts?

362 replies

CaraVann · 29/11/2023 09:01

As a part of (but not compulsory) DH’s job he does the Winter gritting.

The shift patterns are one week on, one off. It starts in October through to late March, sometimes April. They usually don’t start actually gritting until this time of year where we live (SE).

Tbh, it does brings in a good amount of extra income which at anytime is welcome but particularly during this COL crisis.

However, I find it really disruptive.

The times of the shifts change frequently depending on when the frosts/snows are due. Sometimes it could be from say 3pm-7pm and then back again 2-6am the same day or (the best shifts) 7-11pm.

This week has been particularly frosty here so he has been working double shifts - 2-6pm and 2-6am. He will get the next day off work to sleep.

However, the rest of us in the family (myself, DS18 and DD15) do not get the benefit of a lie in. Instead we have a disturbed nights sleep. For the dc this is mainly because our rescue dog (we’ve had him a year), who normally sleeps through will bark the house down when Dh leaves/returns (doesn’t matter which part of the house we put him in, he’s on high alert for ‘intruders’).

DC and dogs aside it wakes me regardless. I’m a light sleeper anyhow but once I’ve been woken that’s it, I’m awake.
We have a spare bedroom but it’s under our bedroom and I’d still hear him creeping about and the dog will still bark so I’d wake anyhow.
Last night I had 3 hours, broken, sleep. I (and the kids) are shattered. Dd has missed her bus to school because we overslept once we got back to sleep.
We are all grouchy and miserable this morning.

This is the AIBU part. We have our touring caravan stored at the bottom of our garden. I’ve suggested to Dh that he sleeps in there during these middle of the night shifts but he’s reluctant. Not because of the actual caravan as it’s lovely with a fixed bed, an en-suite shower room and very warm heater but because a) it would mean leaving his car out on the side road to save coming through the house as we have no side path/entrance (10 year old car, nothing special) and because the caravan will cost a lot to heat.

Who is BU though?

Dc and I really appreciate DH working these crap shifts (although he says he actually enjoys being out on the road at night with heater and radio on and wouldn’t give it up even if I earned more money) but it really affects our lives.
DS has work, DD has mocks and I work part time and care for my dm who has Alzheimer’s. I also have a chronic health condition which is affected by lack of sleep. I have to care for my mum
today and then I have a hospital appointment but all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

What would you suggested in our situation?

OP posts:
Mantissatopower4 · 30/11/2023 23:19

to heat a caravan for a day on electricity costs as much to heat a whole house on gas. So it not a cheap option to exile DH.

Vinrouge4 · 30/11/2023 23:53

DysonSphere · 29/11/2023 09:09

Ear plugs for you and the children? You can get specially custom made ones from an audiologist that are specially adapted to your ear shape and more comfortable.

Sorry, but to ask a hardworking man striving to help his family, to sleep out in the Caravan is unreasonable imo. I can however see that the sleep is an issue but I say get some ear plugs. Since you're a light sleeper that is reasonable.

This. Get some ear plugs. Poor bloke shouldn’t be relegated to the bottom of the garden.

PinkyProm09 · 01/12/2023 08:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Stoptheworldpls · 01/12/2023 08:42

I wouldn't be surprised if you are divorced a few years down the line.
No bed to sleep in, no kids to pay for, as they are both working now.
What the hell is he sticking around for, it sure doesn't sound like you...

Stoptheworldpls · 01/12/2023 08:42

What a spiteful woman

vickylou78 · 01/12/2023 08:49

Op have you considered rehoming the dog? Why is the dog trumping your husband?

LeaderBee · 01/12/2023 09:39

Morgysmum · 30/11/2023 20:37

You can get anti bark collars. Not sure how they work, but it trains your dog not to bark. Or could he take it with him, if it wouldn't bark when returning back.
Then you only have to put up with him moving around, I know that is annoying, as I am a light sleeper, occasionally I sleep through my partner moving around, but when his alarm has gone off 10 times before he gets up, that wakes me up,
We have wooden floors downstairs and he doesn't walk properly in his slippers, it's like he slides in them, so I get schlep schlep, I have told him to walk pro, but he cannot.

They electrocute your dog every time it barks.

DysonSphere · 01/12/2023 09:42

Excellent post @PinkyProm09 I hadn't even thought about the dangers Gritters face on the roads.

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 01/12/2023 10:12

@PinkyProm09 although I've always been aware of and appreciative of what gritters do your post really puts it into perspective.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/12/2023 10:39

Americano75 · 30/11/2023 12:42

So based on your choice of vocabulary alone I'm guessing you're not a dog lover. But surely the most ardent dog hater wouldn't advocate for getting rid of a rescue animal for the sake of an occasional kip in a comfy caravan? Wow.

@Americano75

“But surely the most ardent dog hater wouldn't advocate for getting rid of a rescue animal for the sake of an occasional kip in a comfy caravan? “

I would 🤷‍♀️

Flossflower · 01/12/2023 13:52

LeaderBee · 01/12/2023 09:39

They electrocute your dog every time it barks.

No they don’t. That would be illegal. Our friends trained their dog not to bark with one of these. They just emit a lemony spray every time the remote is pressed. The owners pressed the remote every time the dog barked when someone was at the door. The dog soon stopped and was very happy

LeaderBee · 01/12/2023 15:03

Flossflower · 01/12/2023 13:52

No they don’t. That would be illegal. Our friends trained their dog not to bark with one of these. They just emit a lemony spray every time the remote is pressed. The owners pressed the remote every time the dog barked when someone was at the door. The dog soon stopped and was very happy

Oh my mistake then - conflating anti-bark collar with a shock collar, I assumed they were interchangable and I had assumed that laws had changed in the last couple of years about them being inhumane.

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