This is long. Sorry! TLDR: I think I've found my friends 'DH' is gambling her money and in her name.
Background: my friend ‘Anne’ has been married to ‘Bob’ for 5 years. Their relationship has been turbulent and this has mostly circled around money. When they were first together he hid quite a large cocaine habit from her which had put him into debt. She paid this off and told him she would leave him if he continued the drugs. He quit
They were then due to get married about a decade ago and had been saving up for a wedding and flat deposit. It turned out Bob had got into more debt and actually stolen money from his work as well as spending their entire wedding and flat money. All in all this was nearly £100k and the company he worked for pressed charges and he went to prison for a short time
Anne initially left him but ended up supporting him (she was always vague about what he did with the money). While he was in prison she saved and worked 2 jobs. When he came out she took him back, he moved into the flat she’d been able to buy and they had a small wedding
They have had their ups and downs and she has several times met me in tears as he can be quite nasty to her in front of his friends and joke that he’s a kept man as she pays for everything. He has managed to find work but it’s sporadic and doesn’t pay much
For all of the reasons above, i don’t like Bob. I never have and I think he has some strange hold on Anne who I see making sacrifices and working herself to the bone for him.
Now to my issue.last week I was at their flat chatting with a cup of coffee. Bob was in the room but focused on his phone. He went into the kitchen to get more drinks and I followed as had bought round a cake so was going to cut some.
Doorbell goes and Anne gets it but shouts to Bob. He leaves his phone on the side and it’s continuously beeping with notifications. I admit I looked (but didn’t pick up or open the phone) and got the briefest of looks before he came back. All gambling websites and one transfer of funds-amounts were between £100-£350. And worst it looked like some notifications were addressed to ‘Anne’ but on his phone
I know they have joint savings and I also know Anne has been getting post that he's intercepting that she assumed was something to do with Christmas presents
So I'm putting 2+2 together and assuming that he's both rinsed their savings and potentially opened accounts in her name.
I didn't say anything and made some excuses to leave pretty soon but I know if I tell her what I saw she firstly probably won't believe me as seems blind to him. And if she does, it's going to ruin her life pretty much
YANBU you need to tell her what you saw
YABU you need to mind your business and leave them to it