To expect engagement

[Ellll9478]

So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years
Everything is really good,he is lovely and treats me well.
We had a plan to move in together this year but a few things went wrong and it didn't happen

Our new plan was to move in together ( to my apartment that I own) in Jan next year. Everything was good, making plans ect

Then we had a conversation A few days ago about getting married and the future.
I thought that moving in together ment that engagement was pretty much guaranteed. He said as much, whenever a friend got engaged he'd say, your turn soon.
But now he's saying he would wanna live together at least a year before he even decides if he wants to get married to me/ propose.
Am I wrong for thinking that you should be decided before you move in together?

The thing that worries me is that I own the apartment,I don't have a mortgage or anything. And he would be giving me just a little towards bills and stuff,he's doing a PhD so doesn't have much money, but I was okay with this because I thought it would be helpful to our future together

Am I wrong to now change my mind? Because of the engagement thing?

I'm 26 he's 30
He wants to break up if he doesn't move in because he said it would make me not trustworthy

I haven't had many healthy relationships so please be kind but honest

it sounds to me like you aren’t sure about him anyway.

As a side note if he moves in and starts contributing to bills etc then you broke up, he would then be entitled to some of the equity in your property. This is my major concern with you being so young still, and it leaves you quite exposed financially.

if you are going to support him financially whilst he does his PHD then I think it’s best to not live together yet.

If you are sure about him and see a future together then why not try living together first ( but please get some basic advice from citizens advice or you can get free one hour legal advice from most solicitors)

Being engaged is lovely but you are young still and need to think carefully about protecting yourself first.

Haha ha but it was fine for him to say you’d get engaged when you moved in and then cancel that plan? You are so well rid!

No consolation to you but you’ll maybe be the making of him.

If he’d moved in, you’d enable the sponging side of him, but by setting clear and self-respecting boundaries you may give him pause to consider his own attitudes to and expectations of women.

Do you know his parents at all? Often a revealing dynamic.

Change is painful and you did care deeply for him so sending you a 💐 and I hope your heart heals quickly.