Uncomfortable about how she feeds her kids

[Chickeneggs]

Firstly, I know this is probably not a big deal as the children are fed, but I feel uncomfortable by the fact my friend buys herself good quality expensive food but gives her children basic brands.
for example she buys beige frozen food for them from Asda (yellow package) which is fine as I have bought some myself on occasion, then she will go to Waitrose or M&S to buy herself nice food.
The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.
They snack on biscuits and chocolate while she has fruit.
To me, I couldn’t eat something nice knowing my children are eating bland food with no nutrition. I’ve often skipped meals so my children can eat decent food, if they can’t have fruit or veg then I won’t eat at all to make sure I can buy it.
Is this something you’d raise with her to ask about it? Offer support whether financial or otherwise? Or do I just mind my business?

She doesn’t need financial support if she’s shopping for herself in Waitrose and M&S. She just values her own health over the health of her children. I doubt very much that there is anything you can do to change her mind and I suspect that you will fall out if you say anything.

She doesn’t sound like a very good person.

If she’s buying plenty of posh food from M&S and Waitrose, she doesn’t need your financial support.
She is however incredibly selfish and self-absorbed. Most mothers would sacrifice the decent food and eat more basic stuff for the sake of their kid’s health, not the other way round.
You could try saying something to her, but it won’t make a jot of difference. They’re being fed, so it’s not like the social are going to be up in arms about fishfingers and chips. She sounds like such a dubious friend, though. The thought of her sitting at the table eating veggies and steak while her children tuck into chicken nuggets is sad and cringe.

Hmm. If it was purely based on them refusing naice food then I'd say mind your business. But it's too expensive to feed them vegetables too? A bag of frozen veg is pennies if cost is an issue. But what can you do, realistically?

Or maybe she is tired of wasting nice food on the kids after months and months trying to get them to eat it and ending up throwing it in the bin days after days.

Maybe her kids dont eat the healthy food so she is avoiding waste. How much healthier will beige food from M&S be compared to basic own brand Asda?

I think you should mind your own business.

She probably meant they’re fussy and won’t eat it so she doesn’t waste it on them or something

The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.

Wow. That's really fucked up. Christ alive, who even thinks like that about their own kids?

They’re not fussy children at all, I’ve had them to my house for tea many times and they eat anything and everything.
Would it be rude for me to offer xyz food for them and hope she feeds it to the children and not herself? Mask it as left overs so it puts her off eating it?

You can’t fix it. She prefers putting herself above the children. Why don’t you just tell her “this is fucked up behavior, Marge, has anyone else ever suggested you are a sociopath?”

The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.

Have you ad-libbed a bit a lot OP? This makes zero sense. You'd actually comment that 'it's good her children love vegetables'? What an odd thing to say. Just as odd/extremely odd, as her response?

I can't fathom a mother saying either thing to be honest.

Your second post makes even less sense. Are you in some sort of 'saviour' mood today?

My brother and sister in law do this. Kids get basic asda yellow label range. Cheap sausages full of crap. They have the decent Asda premium stuff. I think it's mental.

I'd be judging her all over town for that.

A bag of carrots is about 50p and does for snacks for a week. There's no excuse for not attempting to give your kids nutritionally adequate food. I know some children have ARFID or whatever, but that doesn't sound the case here.

Even if you are entirely selfish, it's in your own best interests to get your children to be fit and healthy so you don't have to nurse them through illnesses so often.

I said it because by this point I was aware her kids weren’t being fed properly and I wanted to raise the subject without being obvious. I’m no saviour, just concerned she favours her health above her children’s. I can’t turn a blind eye when I have concerns about children.

I would judge her silently but that’s where the words should stay - in your head.

Yes that would be rude. It’s none of your bloody business.

Realistically you can’t change this situation at all.

You could point out to her that she is very selfish in your opinion for doing this but that might spell the end of your friendship.

Focus on things you can change in life and not those you can’t

Could she be giving her kids frozen and/or tinned fruit and veg?

She’s selfish unfortunately and you sadly can’t change that about a person.

I think you need to let it go its none of your business

Would it be rude for me to offer xyz food for them and hope she feeds it to the children and not herself? Mask it as left overs so it puts her off eating it?

I do think this would be very rude.

She is not starving her children, she is just feeding them a diet that many children eat, even if it's not due to fussiness in their case.

Personally I think you seem a bit too invested in this, yes they haven't got the best diet by the sounds of it but it's not the end of the world.

She said it was too expensive to buy fresh veg for her kids?

That's unbelievable!!

You're right, OP, you're definitely no saviour. You want to judge this woman, for everybody else to judge her (based on your account of exactly how things went) - and relish in the fact that you do things very much better.

Do this woman a favour and give her a wide berth - and stay away from her kids.

If you truly feel that her children are at risk of neglect and you can't stand by then do your duty of report. To social services, not mumsnet though.

I think what she means but didn't put across correctly is that there's no point giving her kids posh expensive food when they leave most of it.